Hi Mervin,

Glad you enjoyed the article, and thanks for the question. Well, this article was written many years ago, and we have evolved greatly since then. At this point, we question the value of seduction at all. It seems very often to be driven by the ego rather than a desire for true connection.

I would rather recommend going within and addressing the inner conflicts there that a push-pull method is attempting indirectly to articulate … most of us crave intimacy while fearing it at the same time. When we can be honest with ourselves and do the inner work, such as in the 30-Day Sexual Abundance Challenge (http://tapsmarter.com/30-days-to-sexual-power/) … all kinds of new ways of looking at things arise …

I am new to this push/pull method and I find it very intriguing. Could you kindly provide more examples for me in how to structure a good push pull sentence? I guess whatever I do, I just have to make sure that I can give her a compliment and then critisize her? In your post, you did begin some sentences with a pull and some with a push, does it matter which way you do it? thanks!

Well said you put some stuff into perspective for me. Leaning back is a technic we use to hold yourself back so to speak when you are pushed from within by some old habit neediness, desperation but i feel once you have loved your feelings and accepted them then if leaning forward i.e. flirting is an authentic expression of who you are…how sexy is that!!!

Margaret

It also makes you a woman.

Welcome to the blog and thanks for commenting. I appreciate you being here and sharing your insights. “Superstar siren” … lol :-) As far as “leaning back,” that’s a metaphor that the PUA community uses too, and it works for some people. It doesn’t really work for me. I wasn’t really able to separate “leaning back” from “holding back,” which is not helpful in forming deeper connections with people. In many ways what helped me most with men was learning how to reveal myself more and more (which sometimes meant taking the initiative to flirt) while at the same time caring less and less about their opinion of me (thus reducing outcome dependence and keeping things much more playful and light). Definitely most of the relationships I’ve had that ended up deepening, the guy made the first move. But I did a lot of playing and flirting back and investing in them emotionally, or else it would not have been able to deepen. In some ways, I believe that another person can only fall in love with us if we are willing to fall in love with them. I’d be curious, Margaret, whether any of this resonates with you.

@ Michael, I continue to appreciate deeply your acceptance of my ups and downs and twists and turns. I’m sure it’s not necessary to tell you that each of the steps you described was an essential step in integrating this recent experience. I often tell guys that if pickup were boiled down to one word, it would be SELF-ACCEPTANCE. In truth, our little twists and turns and foibles make us endearing and lovable, if we accept ourselves fully.

@SMoKeLioN, I agree with you that being willing to express our interest in another person — and even direct sexual intent — can be very effective. It sounds like it has been very effective for you. Two guys with two different belief systems, though, will have entirely different results making the same “direct” approach. Even if the words being used are direct, the successful guy’s vibe may be conveying a version of “push-pull,” i.e., a level of confidence where the girl can feel that he is not dependent on her response for his self-esteem. Whereas the other guy will be subcommunicating doubt, hesitation, or overbearingness (which is really just a coverup for fear). That resonate at all?

Margaret from Rori’s blog here….very interesting… love your comments I am also trying to figure out how this works with leaning back. I feel this is what Rori terms “superstar siren”. Your boundaries are so strong. But this is only at the beginning, afterwards the real game is on especially for the PUA =)

There’s receiving a particular post … and there’s receiving you going from ready to be seduced all over again to no sex before marriage to strident to dear God where am I going I need to heal.

One word: yes.

You’re confusing conveying that you like someone with expressing your interest in someone.

If you think its afc to express direct sexual intent in a girl, then you have a lot to learn about being a man.

Maybe the fact that I’m extremely good looking has swayed my results in that girls want me to like them. But when you get down to it, most people want others to at the very least understand them, and then furthermore like/appreciate them for who they are. And the fact is, psychologically, when someone shows that they like us we are conditioned to tend to like them as well.