Debunking the myth of the feminine woman

While this is fresh on my mind, I’m going to share what happened in my life today. This will involve radical honesty that may offend some. If you’re going to be offended and not take responsibility for yourself, please stop reading now.

Now that we have that out of the way …

I’m a little embarrassed to admit that early in my journey, I got sucked in by all that marketing aimed at “desperate” women. Yes, I was desperate. My life was a mess and I didn’t know how to fix it, and when I researched this on the internet to try to find some answers, I got drawn in by all those ads – you’ve seen the ones – promising to teach you how to make a man fall in love with you and love you forever.

Once I delved in more deeply, the basic teachings of these sites was that I “should” become a more “feminine” woman, and offering all sorts of restrictive guidelines for how to do this, such as NOT asking for what you want directly, talking in certain “feminine” ways, and in general being very indirect and very unnatural.

I parted ways with that entire community a couple of years ago when I realized that the women there were going NOWHERE. You could leave these sites for months, pop your head back in, and see the same women whining and complaining about the same men or men who may as well have been their spitting images three, six, nine, twelve months later. The “success” stories were rare and usually unconvincing (sounding very much like a woman “settling” for far less than she really wanted). The women were back-stabbing, passive-aggressive, and, when called out on their bullshit, vicious. They constantly played victim, blaming the men they were dating for all their problems and feelings. It also happened to be one of the most scarcity-minded communities I’ve ever seen, and once I became serious about my business, and only wanted to work with people who were serious about changing their lives and willing to invest in their own growth (rather than living in addictive cycles of co-dependency and spending all their money on their addictions), I stopped going back entirely. It was a dry well in every sense of the phrase.

Not to say there was no value there in having the experience. By the time I left, it was very clear to me why I had struggled in my relationships earlier. Nobody with any self-respect would want to be with any of these women, and I had been very much like them. So this was useful because it was part of my transition of wanting to find an entirely new way of approaching relationships.

As I’ve become more and more independent as a healer, and no longer bowing down to “idols” of famous mentors or icons, it has become more and more clear to me that the “masculine/feminine” model of relationships with stilted gender roles is a huge burden on both genders and is responsible for a vast amount of misery.

We do have a choice about this.
A Course in Miracles talks about the holy relationship as a relationship where “differences” become less and less important, and I teach my own clients how to bring their masculine and feminine energies into perfect balance and alignment.

A healed person does not “try” to be super-masculine or super-feminine. A healed person has a perfect balance of both. A healed person also does not place rituals or tradition above happiness and freedom and authentic self-expression. A healed person does not follow a bunch of “rules” set forth by some purported “authority figure.”

A healed person contains everything, and sees no lack within, thus does not need to “compensate” by finding a partner who is super-masculine or super-feminine.

A healed person lives authentically, with transparency and spontaneity and freedom. Not a bunch of stilted bullshit.

Anyway, it has now been two months since my Vision Quest that was such a huge breakthrough for me (read more here).

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been noticing myself get more and more irritated by the Google ads for these victim women communities. Promising to teach you how to attract and keep a man, and marketing based on FEAR. “You know deep down you’re not good enough the way you are, and nobody really loves you” is what these ads say between the lines, and I shudder to think that I was once stupid enough to fall for it.

This morning, I got the Angel card: Write. And I was asking, “Write what? You know I’ll be busy today getting back to San Francisco.”

And today was my second menstrual cycle onset since the Vision Quest. These two cycles have been much, much easier since I recorded the Sexual Abundance Challenge. But this morning I had cramps and usually if I get them the first day, they last a full day or two.

Hold that word in your mind now: CRAMPS.

Words are very important as you make your way to freedom from all of the ego’s bullshit. Words are the code that we crack to become free.

Okay, so I have cramps and meanwhile suddenly a woman I have had very little contact with from the victim women’s community for many months started posting a bunch of comments on my Facebook. Last I knew, she was still riding the hamster wheel in that community, still “talking about her feelings” there and having ZERO real change in her life. As I have been setting much better boundaries recently and not tolerating people not taking responsibility for their stuff, I set a boundary and un-friended her, then inadvertently added her back. More comments from her, including one that said she felt disrespected by me.

I could feel the anger in my body and the CRAMPS intensify. And then suddenly these words came to me from nowhere, and I posted them on the Facebook thread in response to this woman’s comments:

“To be clear, I respect you just fine. I do not respect the choices you have made over the past three years, and I have zero respect for the mockery of feminine empowerment that you continue to participate in.”

The Mockery of Feminine Empowerment

Yes, yes, yes … that is EXACTLY what those sites are. Are those women empowered? Do they own their lives in any way shape or form? Not even in the slightest. They are all VICTIMS. Buying in to their own bullshit and pushing it away when anyone is actually honest with them. Which is why I left and will not go back.

The Mockery of Feminine Empowerment

The words felt good in my mouth, and for a moment the anger in my body reached a huge CRESCENDO. The words felt like TRUTH in my mouth.

And then something magical happened. My CRAMPS disappeared. Almost instantly.

Wow, how did that happen? And then I took that word “cramp” and put it in my mouth, felt it in my mouth, and I thought to myself, Ah yes, women have CRAMPS because of the CRAMPED BULLSHIT WAY THAT WE ARE TAUGHT WE HAVE TO BEHAVE IN ORDER TO BE ACCEPTABLE AS WOMEN.

And that’s how powerful it is to speak our truth, authentically, as it comes to us from God, not from some ridiculous manual or “cheat sheet” about “how women should be.” INSTANT PAIN RELIEF.

And then my whole body opened up, and songs began to come on the radio … Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone!!) and Walking on Sunshine and a whole string of uplifting songs.

Women, I tell you, it is time to throw off the chains and embrace our true feminine power, which is NOT cramped or stilted. We do not need to be scared to ask directly for what we want in life. And we do not need to pretend to be something we are not.

Forget all the dating and relationship advice bullshit. Stop wasting your money churning for years on the hamster wheel of “no contact” and talking in stilted ridiculous powerless ways. Cultivate an intimate relationship with God and take responsibility for all the bullshit you have interposed with ego consciousness between you and God …

And watch the MIRACLES MULTIPLY. I count today’s DE-CRAMPING as yet another major miracle in my storehouse, and we are just getting started.


About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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