Monogamy, Fear, and the Scarcity Mindset

All right, we haven’t had a truly controversial article here for quite some time … not because I’ve been holding myself back, either. There just hasn’t been a topic that really inspired me lately to shake things up a bit.

But … there was a discussion on my Facebook Fan Page (which you can join here) about monogamy, fear, and A Course in Miracles, and it feels important enough for me to expand on my views here …

Please prepare yourself … many of you are going to find this article offensive … and I invite you to set aside your knee-jerk reactions (which are all just fear, pure and simple), and open your mind to a new perspective.

A Course in Miracles, which is hands down and by far the most powerful and liberating book I’ve ever encountered on this planet (and, as an honors graduate of Stanford University and Harvard Law School, I assure you that I have read a LOT of books in this lifetime), says this:

“To learn this course requires willingness to question every value that you hold. Not one can be kept hidden and obscure but it will jeopardize your learning. No belief is neutral.”

No belief is neutral. And no belief is isolated in its effects. Every belief you hold has the potential to turn your life either into Heaven or Hell. The world we see is a hologram, and any belief that fosters scarcity will turn your life into a living hell. Sometimes sooner, sometimes later …

Now, let’s talk about money first. Most people would love to have financial abundance. To have it requires letting go of the beliefs that foster scarcity. Many people do not have abundance because they have limited the ways in which money can come to them. I help people lift those limitations off of themselves. Money can come to you from ANYWHERE, at any time. And it would be absolutely absurd for anyone to say, “I refuse to receive money except from this one person or source.”

A lot of people do have that pattern in their belief system (thinking there’s only one way they can get money, and that it’s limited), but mostly at an unconscious level. When I point out to them that we can open things up so that money can come from anywhere, they usually feel relief. Because trying to get ANYTHING from just one source in this world brings fear. And fear locks abundance out of your life.

It’s as Wayne Dyer said on one of his audios … he said (I’m paraphrasing here),

“The Ocean of Infinite Abundance is there, waiting for you. You could go to the ocean with a dump truck and fill it up as many times as you want, and that ocean will never run out. And yet, instead, you go to the ocean with a thimble, and you say to yourself, ‘This is all that seems to be available to me.'”

So here’s where it gets controversial … are you ready? ;)

Monogamy is a scarcity belief. Pure and simple. It is a fear-based system based on conventional moralities that most people have never bothered to question. It is a form of hoarding, which stagnates energy and blocks the flow of love and abundance. It is a defense, which can only promote fear.

If you want to be offended by this article, ask yourself why you are offended. What are you scared of? What are you defending with these promises of exclusivity?

Because I’ll tell you, every child of God on this planet is entitled to everything. And when you promise yourself to one person and one person only, and you try to make that love “special,” you are denying my right to everything. You are denying the right of every child of God to everything. And that is based on fear. That is based on hate. It is not sustainable.

It’s the adult version of a child throwing a tantrum on the playground and telling another child, “These are MINE. You can’t play with MY toys.”

When the truth is, both children would probably have more fun if they started SHARING.

“In my defenselessness my safety lies.”

You can argue with me about this until the cows come home, and at the end of the day it will not change the fact that — as the consciousness of the world continuously shifts toward a higher vibration — monogamy is an unsustainable, fear-based system, and the sooner it is let go, the better.

“Idols are limits; they are the belief that there are forms which will bring happiness, and that, by limiting, is all attained. It is as if you said, ‘I have no need of everything. This little thing I want, and it will be as everything to me.’ And this must fail to satisfy, because it IS your will that everything be yours. Decide for idols, and you ask for loss. Decide for truth, and everything IS yours.

“It is not form you seek. What form can be a substitute for God the Father’s Love? What form can take the place of all the love in the divinity of God the Son? What idol can make two of what is one? And can the limitless be limited? You do not want an idol. It is not your will to have one. It will not bestow on you the gift you seek. When you decide upon the form of what you want, you lose the understanding of its purpose. So you see your will within the idol, thus reducing it to a specific form. But this could never be your will, because what shares in all creation cannot be content with small ideas and little things.

“Behind the search for every idol lies the yearning for completion. Wholeness has no form because it is unlimited. To seek a special person or a thing to add to you to make yourself complete, can only mean that you believe some form is missing. And, by finding this, you will achieve completion in a form you like. This is the purpose of an idol; that you will not look beyond it, to the source of your belief that you are incomplete.”

– A Course in Miracles

So I invite you to make a liberating decision today. I invite you to get present with all the FEAR and ANGER that comes up inside you when you imagine sharing your partner with the world, and I invite you to share your partner with the world ANYWAY.

I invite you to let go of your assumptions … and be surprised … ;)

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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  1. Prashanth Mohan says:

    I agree that one should give up monogamy from one’s mind at a thought level. This will liberate us from attachment and this applies not only with the relationship of a spouse but applies to everything. You share your parents, children, friend and sibling with everyone, thereby letting go the attachments. But, when it comes to action, I don’t believe letting go away of monogamy means sleeping with every random person in the world, which will result only in disease.

    • Hi Prashanth,

      Thanks for commenting. It all begins at the level of thought, and then physical reality will change. It’s just that this is a holistic process. So it’s not like we just say “oh I see all the problems of monogamy so now I’m going to sleep with everyone.” No, you are right, that is totally impractical.

      At a holistic level though, the end of monogamy is also the end of disease. Because monogamy is separation and so is disease. When separation goes, they both go. And infiltrating this understanding into the entire hologram of the Universe is the process we are engaged in now …

      Once we are awakened, we cannot value monogamy because nobody who understands that they are not a body could value exclusive access to another body … yet by the same token, do we still value sex at all? I don’t pretend to have all the answers. I do know that bodily pleasure holds no value once we are awakened to the fact that we are not bodies. We are transcending the pleasure/pain duality. So promiscuity also … has no appeal.

      And where we go from there … is what we are going to find out … :)

      • prashanth mohan says:

        Where we go after awake is something we need to worry only after getting awakened. Not now when we’re still ignorant.

  2. Such an interesting read. I do not believe monogamy is in any way limiting. In a Holy relationship two can come together and create more good than the sum of their parts. I don’t think having boundaries on what feels appropriate to you both, ie monogamy, makes this relationship “special.” A relationship can often be essential to your life without being special. And if you do it correctly, a romantic partnership certainly doesn’t limit you, but is rather freeing and can certainly serve God.

  3. Just the point of qualifying yourself as a Stanford/Harvard graduate promotes one of the ego’s largest construction systems in this “world.”

    What if I wrote a article on how people who put that on their resume are creating specialness in their own ego identity?

    You could make the same analogy that Monogomy is good for people as you do so with that credential yourself. Some like to get married as we are in a body which qualifies us all to have an ego.

    It’s all riff raff that doesn’t need to be “argued” just forgiven. We all know Open Mindedness is quality number X for a Teacher of God. So it goes both ways. Everything special is made Holy since everything is God. Even the illusion spawned from his fist.

    I forgive myself for any seeming attack thoughts.

    God Bless,


    • Erika Awakening says:

      Dear one,

      I am well aware that credentials are meaningless. But I speak from a mind that is mostly healed to minds that are in various states of healing, and many of whom are terrified to go down the rabbit hole. For those people, credentials are helpful because they serve as a bridge from the old world to the new perception. Otherwise, they would look at my perfect sanity and see insanity. It’s harder for them to deceive themselves when they see the credentials.

      The only value my education has for me now is that certain skills I learned, like pattern recognition, are highly useful to my coaching method, Holistic Belief Reprogramming, which you can read more about here:

  4. fun-da-mental says:

    Actually it means: One doesn’t even SEE or FEEL one’s partner. It’s just all about one’s own self. If the other leaves us, we are ALONE once again – and that is so painful, one must assure that the other never leaves us.

    It basically has nothing to do with LOVE, but on the contrary just with love (or identification) with one’s ego.

    pura vida!

  5. fun-da-mental says:

    People are attached to monogamy because they are just too jealous. And jealousy proves just one basic point:
    You love yourself more than your partner…

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Well, perhaps it proves you don’t love either yourself or your partner.

      Jealousy can only arise as long as people believe in the possibility of exclusion and loss. In a world where everything is shared and everyone is welcomed, jealousy will disappear because it serves no purpose other than to get us more of what we don’t want.

  6. Isnt intention just as important than action?Why are you monogamus?or not?

  7. I’m not riled up about sharing my husband. You’re making that up. I’m just expressing my frustration with your hypocracy.

  8. Erika Awakening says:

    Jesi, whoa whoa whoa … If you don’t feel fear and anger about sharing your husband, why are you getting riled up? And why talk with me at all if not open to new ideas …

  9. Erika-I think you totally missed the point of Landmark and any point I’ve been trying to make. I’m not any more or less enslaved than you so cut the crap. You probably get to people quickly because you’re good at taking vulnerable people and have them belive your truth. I would even challenge that their “transformations” are time limited and STILL based in fear. I get that your committment is to help people transform and transend their limitations and again, I think that is great and moving in the direction the planet needs to go for transformation. But, I have to insist that you are seriously missing your true power. This is hard for me because I do not want to make you wrong. I don’t think you’re committment is wrong–sexuality is totally an access to personal power and transformation. I just think your statements and beliefs are not fully aligned with your committment; and unfortunatley, it sounds like you’ll be stuck there for a while.

  10. Ha! Glad I could stir it up a bit. Still think you’re just changing one belief system for another. The end result of globally higher conciousness may be that monogomy disappears– I could definatley see that as possible. But to focus on “letting monogomy go” as the only path to higher conciousness is a bit disingenious and limiting in the sense that you will never reach a HUGE percentage of the population because they…wait for it…ENJOY monogomy or at least are too attached to it to let go (i.e. they are not ready to approach enlightenment from that direction). I have no arguments with you that monogomy can breed fear and limitation, but so can ANY other belief system. It’s 100% about your perception and belief that limits you, NOT the action. If you believe monogomy is limited, you’ve just limited yourself in the other direction. Saying anti-monogomy or “sharing” is the answer to our freedom is a bit cart before the horse as one person’s path to higher conciousness is not another’s path. If you can be flexible and listen for each individual’s path, you have a much better chance at rapidly increasing the vibrational rate of the world. You can experience a sample of this type of facilitation through Landmark Education’s “The Landmark Forum”. This Three day and an evening course will rock the very foundation of your beliefs and demonstrate what lies beyond, not as an intellectual understanding but as a true experience of what is possible beyond the limitations of our beliefs. Finally, I just want to say that the disappearance of monogomy from the world doesn’t necessarily = sex with anyone you want. It may be that the disappearance of the belief in monogomy comes with the disappearance of the belief that we need sex to feel “completeness” or “wholeness”. Did you know that genetisists predict men (the Y chromosome) will be extinct in 150,000 years? Yep, men are on their way out. And would it matter anyway–probably not, because higher conciousness may mean that we discover our unity–our being as ONE single being and not multiples and thus–is sex really necessary?

    • Erika Awakening says:


      I’m quite familiar with Landmark, and I simply do not agree. I will reach them, and it’s not going to be by the “slow path” of appeasing people’s fears. Provocation is an extremely valuable tool for healing, and one of the many reasons my method works so quickly for my clients.

      I can release people’s attachments almost instantly. Including yours, when you make the choice for freedom instead of slavery :)

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