Law of Attraction: Which are more powerful for transforming my life? Thoughts or feelings

I’m feeling amused this morning by the comments I have received over on the 21 Convention website about my speech (you can see the page by going here). I feel especially surprised and entertained by the fact that “I would definitely bang her” has actually become a compliment that I enjoy. Clearly I have been hanging out in this community for too long!

Anyway, I’ve been getting a lot of great feedback about the speech, which feels great. For Erika Awakening Coaching Page, I encourage you to watch the speech because it gives a very solid introduction to my coaching philosophy.


Daria and I had some pretty intense conversations over the PUA Summit weekend about Rori Raye’s blog. I really enjoyed hearing Daria’s perspective because it is different from my own. For purposes of this article, please note that these are my interpretations of Rori’s work (which I admire very much and often recommend to women). One thing I learned from my conversation with Daria is that we had very different interpretations of the same teachings on Rori’s blog, so I don’t want to be putting words in anyone’s mouth here. These are my impressions, thoughts, and feelings, not to be attributed to anyone else.

One of my frustrations on the blog is my sense that there is not a lot of room for anything but “feeling messages.” (For the uninitiated, a feeling message is a way of communicating that involves expressing one’s feelings without making it “about” the other person or people involved in the situation.) I love feeling messages, and I do find them transformative for relationships when used on a regular basis.

My coaching work, however, involves transforming both thoughts and feelings. Although feelings are incredibly important, so are thoughts. When thoughts are left out of the picture, I believe we are losing a very important tool for transforming our lives.

Rori has been posting some Notes from the Universe from Tom Dooley (who was in the movie The Secret, which was about the Law of Attraction). Now, Tom Dooley recognizes the importance of thoughts because one of his mottos is “Thoughts become things.”

A Course in Miracles also takes about the importance of thoughts. “There are no idle thoughts. All thinking becomes form at some level.”

Now let’s take the Sirens on Rori’s blog. Let’s say there is a Siren on there who keeps having the same frustrating experience with men over and over again (whether it’s a man cheating on her or not being chivalrous on dates, etc.).

There are many different ways we can approach this problem. Feeling messages are one really powerful way, and that’s what I hear Rori teaching most of the time. The woman in the situation can start expressing herself to men in a way that men are likely to be able to hear her (“I don’t want to drive across town to see you. I feel flustered when a man asks me to do that.”). And so forth.

When I coach women in these situations, I’m definitely going to recommend Rori’s work, non-violent communication, and feeling messages.

But I’m also going to do something else. I’m going to help the woman change her beliefs about herself and about men. This is working on the level of thoughts in addition to feelings.

Let’s say the problem is that she keeps meeting men who are not chivalrous. In this situation, we’ll have both feelings and thoughts.

Feelings might be “I feel frustrated, inadequate, powerless to inspire men to give to me.” Etc.

But lurking behind those feelings are thoughts. Thoughts might include: “I don’t deserve to receive from men, men are stingy and selfish, I don’t have what it takes to inspire men.” Etc.

And lurking below those thoughts are usually memories that gave rise to beliefs. “Dad wasn’t chivalrous with Mom. My parents taught me that I had to work hard for any money I received. My parents taught that there are no differences between men and women, we are supposed to be equal and the same.” Etc.

During an What Is Holistic Belief Reprogramming?, we are going to be working with ALL of those levels. Yes, we are going to release the negative feelings, because feelings of frustration and impatience and anger are often blocking us from creating what we want in our life.

But we are also going to let go of the negative beliefs about self and others, and replace them with positive affirmations. (Affirmations are FAR more effective when implanted in an EFT/tapping session than they are just using them the regular way.)

For example, we might say:

“Even though I feel so frustrated
because men have never been chivalrous with me,
my dad wasn’t chivalrous with my mom,
and I’m not sure I deserve chivalry from men,
I feel like I’m taking something away from them,
I love and accept myself completely.”

“Even though I don’t want to let go of this belief.
This is my comfort zone, I don’t feel safe letting this go,
I choose to let this belief go anyway,
I choose to be open to the possibility that men start being chivalrous with me
right now.”

And so forth.

By working on the levels of feelings, thoughts, AND memories, simultaneously, we are able to create fast and dramatic transformation in your love life. I have seen so many miracles after sessions like this. In the above example, after a powerful EFT session, men will start showing up differently in the woman’s life. They will start being chivalrous without her even having to ask. It will just happen.

Then she can feel relaxed receiving from men.

This is how we change people’s lives, one belief at a time.

(Erika Awakening Coaching Page)

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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  1. Mercedes,

    I only let that comment through because to me calling a guy a "male chauvinist pig" feels just as belittling as telling a woman to "assume da position."

    If we want different communication from them, the change starts with us.

    – Erika

  2. Anonymous says:

    Wow Miss Mercedes, lighten up a bit! and assume da position

  3. Anonymous says:

    Miss Mercedes,

    You are wrong once again now assume the position: Ass up, face down (im sure you're use to it)

  4. oooh, if the contest happens, I volunteer my services as a referee :-P
    I promise to wear a white bikini….in case I get splashed LOL!

  5. Ok, I heard flirtation. I heard an enjoyment of our conversation, a desire to join in and contribute in some way, and perhaps not knowing what words to use to express that.

  6. Miss Mercedes says:

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  7. Mercedes,

    I actually heard a playful intention behind Anonymous' comment. I heard appreciation of our feminine energy.

  8. Miss Mercedes says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  9. I want a wet tshirt contest or mud wrestling match between Miss Mercedes and Erika to resolve this issue!

  10. I like this….

  11. Miss Mercedes says:

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  12. Argh! Mercedes, I feel very frustrated and misunderstood and I need to go … but I love and accept you anyway :-p

  13. Miss Mercedes says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  14. Well, thanks for acknowledging that I'm having my own experience ;-)

    Perhaps the sense of defensiveness is that I still don't feel fully heard. I was talking about MY experience of Rori's blog, at a particular moment in time, as an experience of an entire group of people (on and off blog in conversations with a number of people). I never said anything about Rori herself

  15. Miss Mercedes says:

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  16. Well, it feels a bit alienating to me, because when you say this is how it "really is," it feels like there is not room for my personal lived experience.

    I don't believe there is a "this is what's really happening." From my perspective, it's ALL perception.

    So I translate your words in my mind to "oh this is Mercedes' experience and

  17. Miss Mercedes says:

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  18. Lol, Mercedes. Are you the ultimate decider of what is "really happening" and what is "really being taught"?

    Those statements feel a bit alienating to me.

  19. Miss Mercedes says:

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  20. Mercedes,

    Thanks for commenting. You're always welcome here.

    I sense some defensiveness in your comments?

    As I mentioned in the first paragraph, I am talking about MY recent experience and am not attributing any intentions, motives, or even practices to Rori or anyone else.

    These are simply MY feelings in a snapshot of time, and I write about

  21. Miss Mercedes says:

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  22. Miss Mercedes says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  23. Hi Beautiful!

    I'm back after a long break… I celebrate your great work! This post is a groundbreaker… All my deepest thanks!


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