re:recontextualizing. what a great question! hmm.

i will typically use anything i can get my hands, heart & mind wrapped around. I love help!

when dealing with break ups or any pain, for that matter, this is when i am most grateful for a spiritual practice. i usually start with that little pep talk – what's the point of a spiritual practice if you don't call it up during the hard times. and isn't it a really great thing to know that we can heal ourselves, thus expanding our ability to take greater & greater leaps.

also, this is when i most appreciate having nurtured deep, loving relationships. one of the most beautiful things in life, when your time of need is met by people who want to give back what you have given to them, and vice versa. these successes keep me inspired when i seem to have created a mess. as to the failures, so what, i can do better & will keep trying. thank god i am alive to have the chance.

did i answer the question? lol. in brief, meditating, a good cry, time with healthy friends all seems to help. time, period.

also, if someone gifts me with letting them help them, that is typically a huge boon. good to get my mind from dwelling too long on suffering & loss when there are people open & willing to receive love. why not go there? the sooner the better. :)

but i think you say it best – trusting there is a higher power working some magic seems a great antidote, even if it takes awhile for the "medicine" to kick in.

"Haha as far as finding a partner, I'm sure baby Jesus is working his magic ;)"
– THANKS for that!!! it really made me smile. I do believe life can be magical!!!

Did your view of “people as energy and their presence as a material form” alone help with the break-up or did you use other things that recontextualized the process?

Haha as far as finding a partner, I’m sure baby Jesus is working his magic ;)

zen – i relate to you when you state eventually arriving at the question of monogomy vs. unconditional love.

I have gone back & forth btwn monogomous & polyamorous relations (btw, i am woman, if it matters) to varying degrees of success. I have to agree with Jonny Soporno's advice – the best experience came when there was full disclosure, empowering me to make my own choice & did not operate on a "dont' ask, don't tell" basis. transparency seemed to serve the better interest for all. As well, this man was emotionally mature & allowed me full "power of choice", in other words was fully comfortable allowing me to select whatever partner i cared to enjoy with attempting editorial control, for lack of a better term. I think if all is clear, & all parties accept the situation, usually the end result is positive, be it poly or monogomous relations. I do care, personally, to make the distinction between unconditional love & unconditional sex, and to know that my partner knows the difference. Unconditional love is a worthy aspiration & if everyone was the dalai lama, then our world would be easier to navigate, lol, but likely a lot less learning

On the matter of "limiting beliefs" however, i do think this is subjective & dependent on how one defines "limited". For example, what might find it more expansive to experience breadth, while another would choose depth. From what I have viewed, most art forms, and i consider relationships an art form, truly flower when given attention, care, commitment & time. As well, I find, as i am sure most do, relationships to be a magnificent instrument for learning. For me, poly-amorous relationships make it more challenging to arrive at the level of deep learning I am seeking, and I find it all too easy to repeat the same patterns, with just a slightly different exterior. I suppose one could argue that patterns could be repeated with the same long-term parnter, but what i am hoping to find is another set of astute, aware eyes to help me move through this world with ever-increasing grace. I am pretty sure I am handful & may be a full-time job for some ambitious soul, :)

Sorry to write so copiously, but i did want to chime in a comment re: break ups & disappearance. I used to feel this way myself, but try work through this by viewing people as energy & their presence as a material form. Therefore, the end of the relationship may re-materialize into a new dynamic, lover to friend. Or, perhaps this energy will rematerialize in a different form in the future, in altogether different body. So less a tragedy, but more an opportunity to recreate the energy in our mind, letting go of the aspects which no longer serve & enhancing those we have learned help us to serve one another more.

Welcome to the blog btw.

Yes, I am actually friends with a couple of the AMP guys, and Decker has even commented on this blog. I haven’t seen their teachings though, sounds like it’s time for me to check them out ;-)

Love,
Erika

Exactly how I feel. Traditional break-ups tend to leave this… feeling of unresolvedness…that’s the only way I can describe it.

By the way, Erika have you ever heard of the Authentic Man Program? I really like their way of handling inner game and opening women. A lot of what you describe in your writings remind me of AMP. The nonverbal communication that goes on between the men and women during the videos makes charged sexual polarity almost tangible…it’s so real and vulnerable.

One of many reasons I like Johnny’s model is the focus on staying friends with the girl no matter what. Part of the reason I avoid traditional relationships is that I never again want to have another “break up.” It seems unnecessarily tragic to share so much with someone and then have him/her disappear from one’s life. I much prefer all my relationships to last forever, even if the form may change over time.

I just stumbled upon your blog through a link Johnny sent me.

For over 2 years all my relationships have also been polyamourous. I’m still finding my way though… lots of obstacles, doubt, criticism. That’s why it’s nice to hear good experiences from others.

I also write a lot about polyamory and inner game, but since it’s all in Dutch I doubte you could do anything with it :)

Love,
Wim

I’ve seen people put down polyamory before. The ones who say jealousy would be an issue are simply saying jealousy would be an issue for them; they’re projecting their own greed onto others.

For some reason, the idea of polyamory keeps coming back to me lately, even though I’m not seeking it at all. I’ve been reading OSHO’s book Love, Freedom, Aloneness, and there is a mystic who quite clearly promotes the idea of polyamory (and is a very funny read in the process!)