Comments on: "If I defend, I am attacked" … is Monogamy a "defense"?

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 07:27:51 +0000

I like to think of relationship in terms of connection and attachment. Connection is a flexible, elastic cord that can stretch over great distances and bend around any objects that may physically separate you. No matter how far apart or what's between you and your beloved, you still feel the connection. If you wish to share presence, all you do is strum it and the vibration travels back to

By: SMoKeLioN

SMoKeLioN — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 00:16:06 +0000

I think most will tend to either latch on, or detach away. Possibly switching from one to te other given the relationship they are in at a time.

My defense would be polyamory, since that's what my ego is more rooted in. The ego wants to sustain itself as always.

For others it might be monogamy.

In either case I think the "defense's" intention

By: Erika

Erika — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 20:09:47 +0000

Oh SMoKeLioN,

I like that.

And talk about synchronicity. I'm doing an EFT session right now exploring whether both monogamy and polyamory are acting as defenses to "keep us safe." Monogamy because it keeps another person bound to us, and polyamory because it keeps us safe by not overly investing in any one person.

I'm intrigued ;-)

By: SMoKeLioN

SMoKeLioN — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 19:52:13 +0000

I think courage is opening yourself up and not being afraid of someone sticking the knife in.

When i read the title, what first comes to mind is, "Is polyamory a "defense"?"

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 16:59:05 +0000

Erika, thank you for your honesty. self-honesty is a great place to be.

By: Erika

Erika — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 16:15:10 +0000

Thanks for the comments, everyone.

Deirdre and Tinque,

You mention oxytocin, and I've had many of those same thoughts before and they've felt "true" ... I'm just starting to wonder whether the whole oxytocin bonding thing, losing control of our emotional self-reference, is yet another "story" we tell ourselves that's not fully empowering.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 15:55:58 +0000

erika, do u think you are at a point in life where you can go completely defenseless in all contexts of life (business, relationships, etc) or try to be this way?

just curious, it is a tall order for most people but it is probably worth striving towards....

By: tinque

tinque — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 14:47:53 +0000

"You'll never have a beautiful moment without courage because courage is the heart of beauty."

Anonymous - this is very nicely stated.

Erika - I think it's wonderful that you are on this part of your journey, pondering possibilities, figuring out what you want in this moment. as you reawakend your sexual side, and what you decide might change, and that'

By: Matt C

Matt C — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 11:02:46 +0000

Loved the article Erika, really encapsulates one of the problems of a long term relationship.

On one hand, I know I shouldn't fear losing her (because losing her doesn't change me as a man) but I fear it anyway (because she's really great). On the other hand I feel good to feel like this for someone, even if it might eventually be painful.

I like to feel the way

By: Deirdre

Deirdre — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 04:52:42 +0000

Definitely see your point Erika. it can be defensive, and it can feel very freeing to act on feelings of openness and love. I would be concerned that when your oxytocin starts flowing, and you feel bonded to him, and you think about him being with other women, that could cause feelings of anguish. True the agreement to a polyamorous relationship cancels out the possibility of betrayal, but there