Five Reasons Why Monogamy Is An Absolute Bar to World Peace

Why World Peace Will Never Happen As Long As We Cling to Monogamy

erika awakening
Before you read this article, if you are already angry reading the title — Five Reasons Why Monogamy Is An Absolute Bar to World Peace — let me make a few suggestions. There is little point in reading this article unless you can accept that the world we see is an illusion. The world we see is a hologram. Every part contains the whole. The world you see is a function of your belief system. And your belief system not only affects you — it radiates out and affects the entire planet. These premises are self-evident to anyone who has actually stepped back from ego consciousness and observed the consequences of their own thoughts. The world is not the cause of your thoughts. It is the effect of your thoughts. If you cannot accept these premises at this stage of your evolution in consciousness, whatever outrage you may feel reading this article is meaningless. If you choose to comment on this article, I expect you to go beyond your knee-jerk ego reactions to it and be open to the possibility that everything you ever believed about the world is false. I suggest that you read the book A Course in Miracles so that you will have the necessary background information to understand this article.

Please also understand in this article that I am attempting to condense the entire 1000-page book A Course in Miracles with about five and a half years of studying and applying the lessons of that book. So if something I say does not appear to make any sense to you, consider that it may take a deeper exploration of what I am saying for it to make sense. In fact, I think for now I will just write a bare outline of this article, and then fill in more details as people ask questions. I assure you that it does make perfect sense, it’s just a matter of explaining it clearly.

With all that said … let’s proceed …

Five Reasons Why Monogamy Is An Absolute Bar to World Peace

Let’s establish something very important here at the outset. If you focus on monogamy as a practice in isolation, you will miss the entire meaning of this article. When I say that monogamy is killing people worldwide, you are not going to understand this if you think to yourself “but I know monogamous couples and none of them are killing their neighbors.” You are looking in the wrong place. We need to shift our focus to the BELIEF SYSTEM that drives monogamy. That is where the killing occurs. And you may not see the effects immediately or in the same vicinity. Except in those situations where monogamy OBVIOUSLY kills people, such as the jealous lover who commits a murder-suicide, you are going to need to look a lot deeper if you want to see the truth. You must be tuned in to the hologram to see the destruction that is being wrought by this belief system. Behavior follows beliefs. You can only desire monogamy if you buy into this belief system that I am about to discuss in further detail. Without this belief system, you would reject monogamy outright because you would not want to imprison yourself in this way.

So let’s talk about the BELIEF SYSTEM that drives monogamy. Behavior is secondary. The choices people make all arise out of their belief systems. Only when we look at the beliefs can we really understand what is happening.

Reason #1: Monogamy Is Not Based In Love. It Is Based In Hatred.

Monogamy is based on the core belief that salvation can be found in separation and exclusion. That it is somehow better to make love “exclusive” than have love be fully inclusive. Before we delve more deeply, let’s be honest about where else we have seen this same belief in world history: Racial segregation, Apartheid, the Berlin Wall, the Nazi Concentration Camps. These are just a few examples. In other words, monogamy is based on the same belief that drove some of the ugliest practices that this planet has ever seen. If you are truly honest, you will have to admit that segregation, apartheid, the Berlin Wall, and Nazi concentration camps were all based on the same premise as monogamy. Separation and exclusion. The idea that you can somehow be “safer” and “happier” by separating yourself from others instead of joining them fully. If you resist this fact, you are not being honest with yourself. Please read A Course in Miracles. Your anger and reactive-ness is lying to you.

And so it is. If you get someone to be really honest about why they are being monogamous, if you can get them to go beyond the superficial claims about “love” and “simplicity” and “security,” they will finally tell you the truth. They are “choosing” monogamy based on all kinds of ego-consciousness separation beliefs, including fear of aging, fear of dying alone, fear of sickness (whether from aging or STDs), judgments of their brothers and sisters, and on and on. Just the other day, on my Facebook, a man justified himself by saying “There are a lot of dirty people out there.” Right. That’s the ugly truth about monogamy. It’s based on the fact that we hate our brothers and sisters. And so we seek “safety” with one brother or sister whom our ego has deemed somehow “better” or “more right” than the rest of “them.” And this seems to work for a while. But in truth it doesn’t work at all. In truth, when you choose this “safety,” you are choosing death. Because you have chosen to separate yourself from the Source of All Life, which can be experienced only in Oneness.

Reason #2: Monogamy Is Territorial, Which Leads to War

The belief system that gives rise to monogamy is the same belief system that led countries to erect borders, which leads to war. It is the belief that anything “physical” can be hoarded and kept separate from the rest of your brothers and sisters. In this case, hoarding a body for yourself. Which sounds utterly ridiculous if you really think about it. It is akin to saying you will never let a guest in your home because “it’s MINE.” It is akin to saying you will never share a meal with friends because meals must be SPECIAL and must be reserved for ONLY ONE PERSON. It’s akin to granting monopolies in business and running every other business in that arena into the ground. In your “personal” life, you would never buy into this baloney in any arena other than sex. You would not agree to visit only one restaurant for all eternity. You would not agree to purchase from only one merchant for all eternity. That alone ought to tell you that something is amiss.

Monogamy is body identification because you cannot value it unless you have turned a body into an idol. Body identification also leads to war, as people so often “fight” over what they perceive as a limited physical resource.

Sometimes the fact that monogamy leads to war is obvious, like when the man in the bar starts a brawl because some other man hit on his girlfriend. Or when a husband turns his wife against another member of their extended family, and family members end up battling it out or not talking to each other at all for decades. Or in the story of Helen of Troy. Most of the time, though, its effects are buried much deeper, and you’ve got to be able to see holistically to be able to see them.

Reason #3: Monogamy Is Based On the Same Belief System that Causes Sickness

Sickness is not physically caused. The body can only be sick if the mind is sick. And the mind that is separated is sick. The separation-consciousness belief system that drives monogamy is the same belief system that causes sickness and death, because sickness and death result only from separation from Oneness.

Reason #4: Monogamy Is Poverty Consciousness

Monogamy is also based on the same belief system that perpetuates poverty, because poverty is based on the false idea that abundance is a physical thing that can be “fenced off” and kept for a privileged few. Instead of seeing a world of abundance where everything can be freely shared and exchanged, the monogamous person sees a world of scarcity where the physical thing must be hoarded.

Reason #5: Monogamy Is An “Exclusive” Club

Monogamy is the idea that it’s in any way fair to your brothers and sisters to establish an exclusive club and turn everyone else away because of who they are. Have you EVER seen an “exclusive” club that does not foster resentment and hatred? Have you ever seen an “exclusive” club that didn’t make some people feel “good” at the expense of other people feeling “bad” and excluded? I have not. Exclusion arises out of hatred and perpetuates hatred.


Monogamy is the core of the core of ego consciousness, and until it is given up, the world’s problems will not be solved. So far, this is just a sketch of an article to begin to explain something I have been thinking about for a number of years. I am happy to field respectful questions and add the answers to the article so that it can be a more satisfying explanation. Thank you for reading.

If you found this article interesting, you may also like the following interview and article:

Erika Awakening Interviewed About Monogamy

Erika Awakening – Why So Many Haters on the Monogamy Post

Erika Awakening YouTube Interview


Erika Awakening, High Priestess of Miracles at TAPsmarter

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

If you liked this article, you will LOVE Erika's EFT tapping video products and coaching ... Get Started Now:

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  1. Hi,
    I’ve really enjoyed this post and this conversation in general. In fact it really helped me I think because the article has truth to it. I wanted to add a brief explanation of A Course in Miracles though, if I may be so bold(!), so that people who haven’t read it won’t think it’s entirely about polyamory. I know what you may be thinking that it really IS about polyamory, but I don’t think it is, so I will explain. A Course in Miracles says that the world, our personalities, and our bodies are not real. Everything we experience here is a dream. We are all in Reality, One, the One child of God. It is different from having a child here on earth because God had a child and never became separate from it/Us. One of the many ways the Course deviates completely from the worldview we know. It sounds insane in the world to say that life is a dream, but actually not really, when you’re dreaming you think the dreams are real, and things that are insane there in the night dreams we only realize are insane when we wake up, so the dream theory makes perfect sense actually. The story goes like this I think, we had an insane thought, and I think it was of special love, we wanted something different, I’m not sure what happened in that moment but the Course says that it continues on every day all the time in our lives and we have to change it here, so that we can wake up. The Course says that every sickness, and even death itself are only a product of our Mind, because that is all we are is a mind. The world itself, in the Course, is a testimony to the Power of our minds, because God, is actually really loving and just gave us His Power, because he couldn’t think of holding anything back from us, that’s how real Love is. We made a mistake, and now we’re trapped here until every single part of God’s Son’s mind is healed and we’re made whole again and awaken. The main reason we choose to stay here is to try to get special love for ourselves. We crave a special love, and to be different and special, and God couldn’t give it to us because that would have made us different and would have hurt us. So we tried to give it to ourselves. We’re racked with guilt from the decision to “leave” God. We feel horribly guilty about everything we do here. We especially feel guilty about who or what we choose to serve as a substitute for the real love of God, our “special love”. The Course says, this is nonsense. We never even left God! We can’t leave God, because we’re freaking One with God.
    One of the main points in A Course in Miracles is that we are not bodies. The body, is made up, it’s like our avatar in our game. The Course get’s kind of dark about the world and when you think about it it’s true. Here, in the world, if we accept this as our reality, we are animals. We have to kill and eat other living things in order to live. Even if you don’t eat meat you still have to kill life forms in order to survive. So to the world and the ego, or the maker of the world, life comes from death. Death only happens to the body, in the world, which is why the Course says there is no death. I was a little depressed by that outlook of the world, if you do read the Course, you may never again watch a lion bite into the neck of a gazelle with the same sense of wonder. But it’s important to look at what we’re really doing here in order to realize that we have to leave, it’s just not working out. And that’s great because we didn’t do anything wrong and it never happened. It’s only in the dream while we have “something” we want that makes us want to stay asleep. Also we feel that God would destroy us, which is a valid fear for people who are identified strongly with their personalities, bodies and the world. The Course is very extreme, but I haven’t yet found any guidance on how to live my life, because it’s saying life is not here. For instance an idol, is any form, any form that you feel you “need”. Because God made us whole and we don’t need anything. Anyways I just want to explain this to anyone who might be getting their first exposure to the Course. It’s great. It teaches non-judgement as a means to one day wake up. It does not command. So you shouldn’t feel pressured to have multiple sexual partners and in the same right shouldn’t feel pressured not to. Because it’s not about that at all, because we’re not bodies. The Course isn’t about polyamory because the Course says, there is no us, there’s just One, I hope I don’t sound off the cuff or flippant or foo, it says we are literally only One.

  2. I’ve been told that if a woman has sex with different men, then each woman has millions of souls ejaculated in her and that right there can cause war. All that negative energy entered into the body by different men ejaculating in her.

  3. hi,
    have i got this; god is everything and everyone. does this mean it is love to make love to animals,babies, children, both sexes,some one who beats us and hurts us while having sex. also how do we have sex with all at once?… as it would be wrong to exclude any is this correct?
    what i am not getting is; how one has the sense of exclusion when a couple are in a restaurant enjoying each other…is it possible that the thought and or feeling of being excluded is from another place e.g. jealousy, abandonment issues etc…

    • Hi Tanya, thanks for commenting. As I continued sitting with the questions raised by this post over the past year since it went viral … I’ve concluded we ultimately won’t be having sex with anyone. That monogamy is a failed attempt to “manage” the guilt that inevitably arises from seeing each other as bodies. And yes, if a couple sitting in a restaurant would not be perfectly happy to open up their table to everyone else in the room … then yes they are excluding others. Certainly the feeling of exclusion can also be PROJECTION as you suggest. If I assume I’m excluded and that turns out not to be the case that’s one thing. But most couples are quite explicitly exclusive and would not want to share their dinner table. And that is exclusion, pure and simple.

  4. Monogamus relations are good for all, socially and biologically. As the number of male and female are fairly equal, it is socially ok because almost all has one and one seeks a lifetime friend till they die and all the stuff you wrote above. Biologically it is good too, how? number of alpha males are less and they cannot provide food and clothing to all of his wives and kids in modern day [Unless he is quite rich which we suppose is not the case most of the times], now if a beta male marries a female, his chances of reproduction increases, also the female can have a care giver and a protector for her kids thus her kids survive and thus she wins biologically, now where is the good in this? well if the female cheats with alpha male and gets pregnant [as she wants better genes for her kids] then the beta won’t know they are his children and protect them as well so alpha male prevails as well. No one looses previously a beta who had a very less chance to have an offspring, his probability increases largely, females get food provider and supporter and alpha can get away and have his genes spread without caring for his kids, which almost no alpha does and they have high chance of survivalibility as well. How this happens? the children that would be dead if it were polygamy as they would not be taken care of by their father and now they have one. And my personal opinion, seriously? you want to live life like monkeys, gorillas and other animals? territorial? women can get territorial in polygamy as well, most of chief wives do.
    In my personal opinion, marriage and religion are the best creation by whom so ever may have started the concept and thanks to it we are right here right now.
    Also there is no criteria for alpha male, some women find good physique a sign of good genes, some see intelligence, some see facial structure, height, etc. And don’t you worry in most of developed polygamy is going on in name of monogamy for many cases. If parents think of their children before themselves, then most divorce would be stopped. They are your genes, they are your future, some think they must fall and learn from your mistakes, some believe that their off springs do not waste time in the mistake they have done and thus saving precious time by sharing experience. Yes, you must know what failure is difficulty is you must let a child touch a flame to know that it burns, but also know you cannot taste poison and live to tell the tale, some experiences are best not experienced

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Zubin,

      Thanks for commenting. In my view, all of these so called “truths” are just limiting beliefs. It’s too much to explain here though. Basically if we want to be free, we must let go of ALL of these stories we tell ourselves about the “way things are.”

      Appreciate you taking the time to comment.


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    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi your link comes off as “spammy” so I removed it. If you’re a real person seeking real advice, you can comment again :)

  6. Wouter Drucker says:

    If I love a person, and that person wants sex with someone else, I want that person to have it. It’s a no brainer.

    Would I feel scared that this would threaten the relationship? Absolutely not. Because I know from studying my own mind how it works. You can love someone like crazy, yet want sex with other people many, many times. And you always come back to the person you love.

    In fact, you relationship will probably grow stronger. Detaching yourself from something invariably makes it grow.

    Probably fear of abandonment is the reason why people choose exclusivity.

    • Shmuel Hayempour says:

      Thank you! I’ve come to that exact same conclusion myself. I try to understand how anyone can see it otherwise.

  7. Hi, yeah this post is actually nice and I have learned lot of things from it concerning blogging.

  8. Enjoyed the article. Can’t say I was totally satisfied with certain parts due to a lack of explanation, but I understand.

    Could you offer some more information #3 though? Where does this conclusion come from?

  9. great article!!! thanxomuch for sharing this; there is a lot of wisdom herein. its understandable and lamentable that most folk dont understand your message nor do they understand the psychopathology of which you speak. its quite a deep and complex topic and its hard to see clearly when one is so clouded by these very afflictions. all we can do is pray for peace and awareness. seems that in a few more generations or maybe a couple thousand more years we will be getting close. we’ve already come so far! keep up your good work and spreading the love despite all of the resistance! dont bother to reply, i likely will not see it in the sea of commentary here unless you reply directly. thanks again! jai!

  10. Erika, very nice article and you framed it correcty, A Course In Miracles is required reading to get the depth and texture you are presenting.

  11. Randy Garcia says:

    What about people who are mentally ill and unable to function on a frequency capable of understanding open relationships and actually need special love and more attention ?

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Good question … all forms of “specialness” must ultimately be healed … We put these labels on people and turn them into self-fulfilling prophecies. I don’t really believe anyone is mentally ill, nor do I believe it makes sense for 1 in 10 Americans to be on anti-depressants. All this stuff needs to get healed not perpetuated …

  12. Rachelle Roose says:

    Don’t mean to keep starting this out of the reply section, but the reply button keeps disappearing.

    I really don’t think, that if at the end of my life I still have not shed a few extra pounds that my life’s work is null and void. Although important, I don’t think this is crucial. Nelson Mandela probably passed with a few pounds of extra weight, and his life work was monumental.

    I’m sure your system is of great value to many, I just don’t see why I need to adhere to your standards of what is right or wrong to complete my personal journey and process of growth.

    If we are sticking solely to the topic of this page, I still am unsure why I have to open myself to multiple partners to achieve peace on a personal or world level??

    And to throw a curve ball, what of individuals who already have an STD? Are you also suggesting they throw caution to the wind and open themselves to multiple partners? Are they left out in the cold and not allowed into the elite of those who may achieve this level of peace that can only be achieved through detaching the need from being with one partner exclusively…. Are they not morally obligated to be with as few people as possible, dare I say, even just one?

    This is the point of my confusion on the matter… whatever means to personal growth an individual may have, why put a limitation to what is right or wrong for that person?

    • Erika Awakening says:

      why do you believe your life is going to end? I don’t believe in death.

      what if someone already “has” an STD … then they have something within themselves they need to heal … because each person creates their own sickness… It’s not going to do us a shred of good to avoid each other. We all need to learn how to heal ourselves.

      • Rachelle Roose says:

        Ok, I’m going to walk away from the conversation at this point.

        In this plane of existence, our physical bodies die. No doubt in my mind. What happens after; reincarnation, energetic exchange whatever you might call it, this life cycle ends and the next begins. To deny that you will physically die one day seems to be a bit of a denial. We see signs of age, decay and death everywhere, every day.

        You seem to be having issues with the boundaries between physical reality and the ethereal. They are two separate planes of existence.

        Blessings on your journey!

      • Erika Awakening says:

        I had a feeling you would exit there … that’s most people’s breaking point … unwillingness to question the “reality” of death …

        I thank you for your contribution as it highlights exactly what is at stake here. Keeping monogamy means keeping body identification, which means keeping heaven and earth separate. My mission is to unite heaven and earth into one plane of experience … and along with that we will unite the worlds of the living and the so-called dead … so you see, our “positions” line up with exactly what we are looking to create … :) much love to you

      • Rachelle Roose says:

        I don’t see that you’ve done anything to prove your side of the argument, just as you failed to do so in the back and forth with Nathan Whiteside above.

        You might be good at dancing circles and using words to divert attention from the fact that you’ve still not provided any backing evidence to show that I am less capable of evolving to my fullest potential whilst maintaining a monogamous relationship.

        Whatever the case, I hope you find what you are looking for in your “free love” enterprise. May it bring you happiness and an ultimate sense of fulfillment!

        I’ll let you have the last word if need be…. ?Take care!

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Lol … it’s perceived by people as dancing in circles because it’s a different paradigm … one cannot escape fear by hiding from it … The only way to escape fear is to face it and remove it … That is how we will end all suffering, war, disease, and death on this planet. Monogamy is the ego’s cornerstone for keeping “love” separate and isolated, and keeping all the world’s problems thereby unsolved. Nothing indirect about it, just need to move to a new paradigm my friend.

  13. Rachelle Roose says:

    I think we really need to marry the sciences and the ethereal here… in the many cultures where polygamy is still readily practiced, I feel like we also see a higher level of inequality in the sexes, repression of females in general, and death from sexually transmitted (as well as other) diseases. The most obvious being the 50+ countries in Africa where many indigenous tribes still practice polygamy, female genital mutilation, sexual slavery, child slavery and the list could go on. AND a massive percentage of the population is sick and dying of HIV/AIDS… I hardly doubt these people are fearful of sex and yet they are suffering illness from a very real disease. You are claiming that this is all a product of broken/fearful thoughts in regards to sex from an entire African nation?

    Fortunately, WE do not live in a third world country and we have access to clean water, modern health care, more than abundant food, shelter and what not… which contributes greatly to the far smaller percentage of a number of life threatening diseases. We live an esteemed life, truly.

    This paradigm thing…. self constructed facade itself. I exist and you exist, no doubt in my mind…. Please tell me how: you, me and everyone else having sex with everyone and anyone is going to solve real world, real time, issues? I just really do not see the correlation?

    • Erika Awakening says:

      We are not talking about polygamy … nor are we talking about anything that has ever been done before … There is no way to understand what I’m proposing until the tools are understood. Until then, one can only speak from fear and past experience and assumption … see what I mean?

      • Rachelle Roose says:

        Well, call it what you will, let’s revisit the term “free love” if you want. Until I see proof of monogamous relationships being detrimental to society, I hardly see any validity to your standpoint.

        You live on the West Coast, which is far more liberal than the rest of the country, so it is not surprising to me that limiting yourself to one partner is not of utmost priority or choice. It really comes down to regional preference, and of course there would be a heavy influence of this type of thought from an abundance of like minds in the area.

        Show me the tools you are suggesting, and show me how they are transforming lives and the world as a whole outside of your specific geographic location and I’m game for switching up my beliefs. The proof is in the pudding for me, and I’m flexible. Until then, I’m comfortable back down here on Earth where poverty, hunger, chronic illness and inequality still exist regardless of a small group of folks who decides that sex for one and with all should be the way to go and is the answer to all of life’s problems.

        I’m calling “Russell Brand” on this – everyone has put the man on a pedestal will he wistfully talks in circles and provides no real answers. I see no difference here.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        I have lots of free videos my friend, if you are truly interested in exploring the tools –

        It is not an accident that I am now pain-free, debt-free, job-free, and location-independent. All of those things were “impossible” according to my old belief system. And as I patiently released my limiting beliefs, my reality changed radically. Which is what will happen as people face their sexual and relationship fears and let go of the defense system of monogamy …

      • Rachelle Roose says:

        I too am pain free, debt free, job free – though not clear by what definition you mean location independent. I am also free from addictions (after years of being an active addict), no drugs of any type, no alcohol, no cigarettes, no meds, no caffeine, vegetarian for 16+ years (vegan at one point, debating converting back), volunteer work, help anyone – anytime I can (monetarily and otherwise), recycle like a mad-man and try to minimize/reduce when and where I can.

        Work that still needs to be done – maintaining a healthy body weight (difficult, but not impossible after 3 children), always striving to be a better mother/partner/daughter/friend (etc) minimizing electronic interaction and exposure, maintaining relationships that are conducive to my optimal health, becoming fully aware of all actions and their subsequent effects, contributing more to my immediate and extended environment through various means… the list could again, go on….

        Though I still do not see how any of this is affected by the fact that I choose to have one sexual partner, and I don’t feel like you’ve been able to back your argument that freeing ourselves from limiting to one sexual partner stunts or prohibits any of this growth from happening….???

      • Erika Awakening says:

        All right … clearly you’ve done some of your own inner work … awesome, I applaud that …

        Yep, I also lost those “last few extra pounds” that I couldn’t lose since junior high with my method …

        The point is we are systematically releasing ourselves from fear … So essentially the shift in view point is this …

        If we went back through each comment you left here today, we could line up each sentence in a list …

        And where you would see that list as “true,” I would see that list as our next project for clearing limiting beliefs so we can be free of them … I do not adjust myself to my perceived “reality” … I adjust my perceived reality to me … that’s the difference …

        See what I mean?

  14. While I do not agree on a 100% with your article, (But pretty close to an 90%) I must say that indeed monogamy, more than an act of “Love”, is actually an act of hate, and I totally understand why most people don’t get it. I changed my life through the “PUA” community 9 years ago, and picked up the best stuff about it (No only the picking up girls thing, but the deeper side of it that is related to grow up as a better love/grateful oriented humang being ) and just 3 years ago I stopped the ego self-consuming side of the PUA system and started to look deeper and there’s when I realized all the wrong ideas about relationships, specially about monogamy, wich so far and based on the premise that we are not a monogamous species, the whole concept of it it’s just a twisted tool of manipulation to get what we want to fill that void that can only be satisfied with sincere, true and not limited/exclusive love. Congrats on your post and keep up the good work!

  15. Rachelle Roose says:

    *scared of sex, excuse the typo

  16. Rachelle Roose says:

    And seeing as how you have not officially accepted my friend request on fb and I am not able to comment on posts you make there as of yet, I would like to respond to one of your most recent posts here instead. In regards to you “being scarred of sex”, and finding that, in your perspective, people are “hiding out” in monogamy – again I feel is morally irresponsible to introduce this notion. Unwanted pregnancies, STD’s, etc, as you had mentioned, are not a result of our fear of sex, or monogamy for that matter. They happen because we ARE having sex… and irresponsibly at that. To be real for a minute, our bodies are animals, “we” as humans are part of the primate family… therefore our desire to have sex is a carnal and animalistic in nature. I believe the Bonobo monkey as well as a handful of other species are the exception to the rule, in that they have sex for recreation. The “purpose” of sex, by design, is procreation. In my opinion (for what it’s worth) to be in a monogamous relationship is to go against our animal instinct to NOT be monogamous, and therefore takes a much greater will to power. Someone who chooses to be monogamous is therefore essentially saying “I choose this person to fulfill all of my sexual desires, and that is simply enough”… they do not have the need to succumb to the desire of having sex with anyone that they find appealing to the eye. Truly, in my book, a sign of higher consciousness – to surpass the need of immediate gratification, override our senses, be more than just flesh or a physical body.

    I find that the bigger problem is not that people are hiding out in monogamy – it’s that they are hiding out pseudo monogamy. And if your not going to do it right, don’t claim the title. Relationships, and further, marriages, are more than a physical act of sex alone. They are an agreement and arrangement between two individuals to have sex responsibly, and beyond that, unfold spiritually and emotionally as two beings really come to know all the depths of another. I personally, find no greater sex than when I do so in a completely committed relationship. The level of intimacy reaches unprecedented heights when we appreciate our partners sexual potency and not cheapen it by moving on to the next bigger better thing when we’ve had it more than a handful of times. When our sexual desires are taken care of, we can shift our focus to the things that really matter in the world, like that fact that the planet is going to shit quickly. And if this is all a hologram, which it very well may be – what is the point to the hologram? The point is to make as much of a difference as you can, and stop worrying about fulfilling your own selfish sexual desires.

    On that note, if people choose polygamy, and that’s what floats your boat – do so responsibly. For your three partners could have three partners each of their own and so on…. make sure who you choose is just as concerned about your health as they are theirs. And have at it!

    I will take my single partner and keep on keeping on with my personal, spiritual and emotional growth in a healthy, committed and yes, monogamous relationship!

    • Erika Awakening says:


      I appreciate your comments AND … what they reflect is why my articles are not being understood. In your view, as I am hearing it, the external world is “out there” and fear is justified …

      In my view, fear creates all the problems in the world. So when we avoid our fears via defenses such as monogamy, condoms, celibacy (sometimes), etc. … we prevent the world’s problems from getting solved.

      I don’t mind gradualism as long as it’s guided by true values. The problem with monogamy is that it would simply reinforce fear and separation until the end of time. It does not acknowledge the real source of fear and does nothing to release it, either, as commonly practiced.

      Now – if people were to OWN their fears – and then use monogamy as a starting place for releasing those fears and opening their relationships to all our brothers and sisters … gradually … to allow the fear to be faced a bit at a time … then I could possibly be open to that. That’s not what is going on in the vast majority of these comments. People are terrified yet have no accurate map of the world to understand or acknowledge or be honest or release that fear … and that is the problem these articles are addressing …


      • Rachelle Roose says:

        Listen, it’s ok to have your head in the clouds… as long as your feet are on the ground. We are physical beings, disease is a real, physical thing.. And our physical bodies are subject to physical disease – and I would have to disagree that all disease is a product of the mind. You expose yourself to large amounts of radiation, you will get sick and die – bottom line. Aligning positive thoughts of healing, prayer, or whatever else is not going to prevent sickness or death after such.

        Fear is a physiological response more than it is anything – chemicals released within our bodies – and our bodies natural response to situations that put us in danger. It keep our senses sharp…. Healthy fear is good and useful, it tells us when we are in danger and when we need to make a change, as is depression. Unnecessary or unwarranted fear or fear left unchecked after assessing a situation and seeing no true danger is, of course unhealthy. Anger, fear, depression, etc – all these emotions that have negative connotations that people are constantly trying to shirk or conquer,are a normal part of the human psyche.

        I hardly think shagging everyone that puts a stir in my nether regions will do anything to overcome my fears. And I still am not convinced that keeping one partner prevents me from evolving and growing as an individual on all levels.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        All disease is a product of the mind. The body is not sick. The mind is sick.

        The belief that we can be hurt by anything “outside of ourselves” is ego consciousness.

        Again, this cannot be understood until one switches paradigms. When you’ve seen sickness disappear by reprogramming your mind, as I have seen many times, none of this physical stuff is any longer believable.

        My one point of agreement with you is that I am fine with gradualism. The problem with the vast majority of comments on this post is, again, that people are taking a position that means healing will NEVER happen. One must first see where the source of sickness is (100% in the mind) to realize that monogamy is a problem not a solution.

      • Monica Earthling power says:

        You’re wrong, again. All disease is a product of the digestive tract. What we eat over the course of our lives literally becomes our cells as old ones die and new ones are created. When we don’t feed ourselves whole, healthy foods, our bodies cannot create strong cells that are resistant to the toxins that we breathe, drink, and eat every day. If your body is full of toxins, you are going to get sick, no matter whether your mind is clear or not.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        I am not a body I am free. However, you are correct, believing that we are physical beings who can be “saved” by anything physical is the same mistake as monogamy … thanks for joining the conversation :)

  17. Rachelle Roose says:

    I’m going to try to be as brief as possible with this, as with someone who tries to remove the “mental chatter/clatter” this is a whole shit-ton of VERBAL (in text form, mind you) clatter! (Insert a lightheartedness to that statement as text is often easily misinterpreted – but yes, I do like using periodic profanities ;-) ) I think it is really toxic to suggest that monogamy is detrimental to the world as a whole, and I think this is clinging to what works for YOU in particular, Erika. Who is to say that you are not deterred from monogamy by your past experiences – biased opinion of sorts – we are a product of our total (personal) collective experience. To liken or relate monogamy and exclusiveness to the Nazi/separatism is ludicrous. Hitler’s problems were his delusions of grandeur and superiority complex – and an inability to see that the world, society, beliefs, morals etc are incredibly diverse. He had an inability to see things from another’s perspective. Which is what I think you are doing here. If two people enter into a relationship and BOTH are most comfortable in a monogamous relationship, then are they not simply giving the highest form of respect to the other person in said relationship. And for you to say that you feel excluded by not being allowed into such persons relationship makes you feel “excluded” is really just selfish motive, for aren’t you disrespecting those peoples personal boundaries? For you, maybe boundaries may not be important, but I would not say that this is the case for everyone. And for anyone who becomes so seemingly defensive as in the back and forth with Nathan Whiteside above, appears to be someone desperately clinging to a thought pattern, mentality, or black and white dichotomy – YOUR way of thinking/percieving….. There will be people that read your statement and say “eureka, this hits every cord in my being” as, by reading the comments, there clearly are…. but there will also be those that strongly disagree with the ideas offered. To say that your way is THE way, is really just a tad narcissistic. I say, live and let live. And if it works for some and they are not harming anyone or anything else in the process, (KEY words here) then so be it. Let’s all keep growing and moving forward – real progress!

    • Erika Awakening says:

      What is toxic is keeping ourselves “separate” from our brothers and sisters through artificial walls and defenses … because it is preventing the healing of the planet … We need to be working together now, not continuing to live in segregated atomistic households because we are terrified of being “sexually contaminated” by our brothers and sisters …

      Thanks for stopping by and contributing :)

      • Rachelle Roose says:

        There is a difference between keeping ourselves physically and emotionally/spiritually separate from others. We are multidimensional beings… to physically keep ourselves and hold higher standards for who we choose to have sex with and be selective even to the point of having only one sexual partner, to me, is being sexually responsible. Comparing physical monogamy to apartheid and the such is like comparing apples and oranges.. and really just a stretch in my book.

  18. Erika, you are a godsend for writing this article. I saw the comments and apparently you are also a pariah to many. Challenge one’s comfort zone and beliefs and, hey, you knew it was coming. But your article reflected what my thinking has been for years. My goal has always been to see each and everyone achieve genuine happiness and fulfillment as I believe it’s attainable. But in doing so we have to challenge and tear down many of our constructs that are based on ego, separation and division. The two greatest ones are our economic models and monogamy (to include marriage, selection, attraction, dating, divorce, etc…). And it’s amazing how the monogamy construct reflects our economic system better than the economic system does itself. There is a pervasive belief in romantic lore that there is “someone for everyone.” The problem is, this simply isn’t true. There is nowhere you will ever be at any time where the numbers work out to support this. Not even close. Unlike our economic system, there is real scarcity in this which brings about the ensuing competition, insecurities, feelings of inadequacy, low self-worth, inequality and anger. And if you observe single people, you will see that at the gut level, they understand this scarcity. Even at pubescent ages, this creates so much sexual tension through competition for boys jockeying for the attention of girls. It creates sexual tension that results in “the mean girl syndrome” for girls as everyone is policing the other to maintain some false market value – this one continues well into adulthood with widespread usage of the words, “slut” and “whore.” If you listen to single men talk about women or vice versa, you will find they don’t like or trust each other very much. Yet they hope and seek to find, through all of that distrust, the one that is going to “fix” all their insecurities and make their lives eternally happy. For me, the problem isn’t actual sex, it’s the attachment and commitment part. So, I could go on and on and on but I’ll stop here. I just wanted to let you know you have a real fan and supporter of your voice. Keep expressing yourself. I have a feeling your point of view has a real audience willing to listen.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Stephen,

      Thank you so much for posting your comment here, and I will also post my response so it doesn’t get lost in the Facebook feed …

      I don’t know if you saw this other article, the insecurity begins at birth with the Oedipal complex and it just keeps getting recreated after that, which is why we must dismantle the Oedipal complex if we want these problems solved –


  19. I think it is an extreme to say that monogamy is rooted in poverty consciousness or in hatred. In any relationship whether it’s polyamorous or monogamous, it is still subject to the same range of human emotions of fear and separation, jealousy, anger, hatred, love, joy and oneness. It doesn’t matter what we label the relationship as it will still trigger these same emotions. There is no type of “multiple partner” relating that will ever resolve these problems either because we have the human mind, the ego and the ever shifting sense of who we are and how we relate to others. In truth, our relationship with others, whether it’s monogamous or not, is really a reflection of how we relate to ourselves. If we are harsh and critical of our own feelings, then that will be projected onto others. If we are tolerant and accepting of ourselves then we can have more harmony in our relationships, whether they are monogamous or not.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Dear Sunil,

      I feel very happy you are commenting on the blog and you are most welcome here.

      Almost every sentence you have uttered is a limiting belief.

      This is what I teach people, how to get rid of these limiting beliefs so that they no longer appear to be “true.”

      All of the “perceived limitations” of polyamory are ego beliefs that MUST be released from our subconscious minds for the salvation of the planet.

      And no, I don’t believe in moral relativism either – that is addressed here –

      thanks for your contribution and hope to see you again here.

      – Erika

  20. As the article states, “You are looking in the wrong place. We need to shift our focus to the BELIEF SYSTEM that drives monogamy … So let’s talk about the BELIEF SYSTEM that drives monogamy. Behavior is secondary. The choices people make all arise out of their belief systems. Only when we look at the beliefs can we really understand what is happening.”

    She is not talking about monogamy for monogamy’s sake, but the **belief system** that drives monogamy. In fact, she uses the term “belief system” 11 times in the article, and the word “believe” or “belief” (unaccompanied by the word “system”) appears a further 6 times. This seems to be what many people are missing out on understanding. Perhaps the monogamous construct does not include this understanding so that is why it is not being understood? What saddens me to see is people defending their choices, which they are allowed to do, but the article says nowhere, “You are bad for choosing monogamy and you have to change because you are causing these 5 problems.” The author is talking about how **belief systems** — which are taught to us — affect the world, but people seem to be missing that entirely, because they are so sure that she is attacking them personally … and that I am, too, just because I posted this article on facebook and have had “monogamous” women attack it. Like either she or I are trying to force people to our way of living. Why is it assumed that she is berating you for your choices, when she is talking about belief systems, and specifically states that behavior (engaging in monogamy) is secondary? How are monogamous people not hearing this? Why are people assuming that her article says, “Go out and screw everyone, especially if you don’t want to, or else you are barring world peace!” ???

    Whatever sexual lifestyle people engage in is their business. Nowhere does she tell us that we HAVE to be non-monogamous. She says that we must drop the negative *belief systems* that DRIVE the monogamous construct for many people. Just because some people have say that they have successful, happy, monogamous relationships does not mean that there is nothing negative about monogamy in any corner of the world or that the belief systems which allow much of the construct to continue should not be addressed.

    I hope that people can start truly hearing that through their hearts instead of through their hurts. Maybe western society has injured people so badly with so much disapproval that we can no longer even hear the words that others express without getting our hackles up. I am stunned by the backlash that this article is inspiring, because all of it that I have seen has been defensive, as though she told the readers that they have done something wrong. Not one point she has made has been argued against, that I have seen. People have only argued for their choice. She did not ever address people’s choices.

    The only arguments I have seen have been against what people FEAR and ASSUME she meant, not what she precisely wrote!!!

  21. This. Article. Is. SMASHING! :D

    Until I met my husband, I thought I was monogamous … but that was only because I had been shamed into believing all of the things pointed out in this article (poverty consciousness, hatred, exclusivity, exclusion, etc. — but they were just turds wrapped in the pretty paper (lies) called Romantic, Prince Charming, Fidelity, and Ownership).

    My darling husband gently reminded me of who I truly am, over about a 4-year period, and now I have the best relationship I could have ever imagined (and better) with him, because he is so loving toward me, inclusive, truly friendly and loving toward my partners, and generous! He shows TRUE compersion when he sees me hug or kiss one of my lovers, and he wants happiness for me, however I choose it, with whomever I choose (and who mutually chooses me).

    As a polyamorous, married woman who has 3 partners (including my husband — and he has 5 partners, including me), I have to say that this article hits the nail on the head. I find that people who cling to monogamy, and don’t question why so many people “cheat”, as though “cheating” is a character flaw or weakness of some sort, are the ones who take the most issue with non-monogamy. I also find it interesting that people who consider themselves and many other people to be monogamous do not consider that if they have never had a successful polyamorous or at least monogamish relationship, they simply cannot speak accurately to this subject. How can one defend one side of a subject when one does not know both sides completely? That is not informed debate. If you’ve never tried polyamory, then the best answer (and most responsible and honest, as well) is to say, “I have been trained that monogamy is the best, natural and only way to live/love, but I simply don’t know that, because I have never tried anything else.” How can one adequately argue against a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when one has only had egg salad?

    I’ve never hang-glided. Therefore, I cannot honestly say that my opinion is that walking is better. I can simply say only, “I have walked, but not hanglided, so my vision/ideas of hang-gliding are limited. I am fearful of trying that new thing, or have no desire at this time to try it at this time, but I cannot form an educated opinion on it.”

  22. Gregory Kellett says:

    I applaude your courage at posting this article. You certainly stirred up quite a dialogue.

    It is a great rough draft. While you may want to soften your approach I agree whole heartedly with the basic premise. IE That monogamy is primarily a limiting, scarcity based attempt to create security through ownership… though I believe it comes more from of a place of fear and ignorance than selfishness.

    There is nothing selfish about mutually agreeing to restrict each other’s freedom out of insecurity, limiting the resources and support of your chosen family to two or pressuring one other person to meet all your intimate needs of being heard, seen, touched and loved.

    And the real tragedy of it all is that the ones who bear the brunt of the stresses created by nuclear family living most are our kids… who get actively & passively aggressed, vented on and generally abused as a resulted of under resourced parents.

    There is a reason that we banded together in tribes for the vast majority of our evolution: It makes everything easier…even if just from a pure physics point of view alone.

    And what is the strongest ingredient for dissolving egos allowing us to relax and collaborate towards common goals? Oxytocin, the chemical that bonds mother and child during breast feeding and adults during sex.

    I believe there is a popular misconception that “non-monogamy” or being “open” necessarily means “sleeping around”…but fully played out, being open has the potential to lead to the discovery that the word soulmate has an s on the end of it.

    There is little remembered precedence for a culture of non-monogamy, which makes those practicing it, cutting edge researchers and pioneers (a historically tough place to be). Again, thank you for having the guts to address this paradigm shifting topic and staying grounded amongst the inevitable emotional backlash.

    I look forward to reading the refined final draft.

  23. So this has to be one of the more interesting albeit controversial threads I have seen in some time. First I’ll say that I think monogamy is an act of possession and ownership, which in itself is generally non-sustainable. With that said, I think one can choose monogamy as a life style and be sustainable when it is approached openly, which at this point of our human evolution seems nearly impossible.

    I see the article as not badly written or coming from in-experience, but certainly going against ingrained thinking and belief systems. The author does make assumptions about thinking people will actually get the idea of life as an illusion (matrix?!) but more so holographic thinking.

    I otherwise see so many that dis-agree citing reasons around their parents relationships, their relationships, who they choose, but only presenting one side. Understandably so as with any new thinking, change is not easy and it is comfortable to sit with the old non-working arrangements, traditions and so on then step out on a limb. With that said, I think the author may have buffered her message to make it more broadly appealing with less shock value, thereby potentially getting more people to listen versus react, but that was no doubt her choice.

    We need more out-of-box thinking to really make changes not only for our self and people around us, but the world as a whole. I have written about this in a recently released book, so follow the link if you dare read more around not only looking at, but examining your belief systems in ways that may lead you to change some deeply entrenched thinking that no longer servers you. .

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Core Question,

      Yes, when limiting beliefs are being challenged, it is quite commonplace for people to attack the way the new perspective has been presented.

      Given the vast number of conversations this article sparked here and elsewhere … in spite of all the criticism I received …

      I wouldn’t change a word :)

      If you didn’t see the sequel – Why Monogamy Is Like Racial Segregation (and why monogamy CANNOT be justified no matter how much people want to cling to it) – it’s here –

      Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to return to my non-monogamous party that I’m co-hosting this weekend (details here –


  24. But is ” A Course in Miracles ” the truth. You may believe it but that doesn’t mean you know it or it is true. Its an opinion not a fact. Loved the article tho…very thought provoking.

  25. fedupwithexcuses says:

    If being able to sleep around is interrupting world peace, I hope we all go to war and die off as a species, because that would be pathetic. This article sounds like it’s written by someone who got caught cheating and decided to try and get out of it by writing what they percieved to be an educational article. Even if the point was a valid one, the author fails to validate it. The first two sentences alone sound self-righteous, as if to say “If you don’t like what I have to say, it’s because you don’t have the courage to think outside the box”, rather than the author accepting the idea that someone might not like this article because it could be incorrect.

  26. David McLeod says:

    Thank you for a very deep and powerful article. I resonate and agree with every word. I also notice that so many people are resisting the inherent truth of this article (and turning it into their own distorted story about why you might have written it), probably because they are still stuck in their separation-oriented thinking. Most people today simply don’t understand that “we are all one” is not simply a spiritual platitude but and actual, physical reality. Ah, well, I commend you for your bravery in daring to speak your truth about this!

  27. Thank you for this article. It really spoke to the core of my beliefs and a large reason I have never identified myself as monogamous.

  28. Erika Awakening says:

    Das, by facing our fears with courage instead of sweeping them under the rug of monogamy, we can heal ALL disease. We will solve nothing by avoidance and separation. New blog post – Why Monogamy Is Like Racial Segregation:

  29. Erika Awakening says:

    Thanks Asta, I responded to you in the comments section -did you see it? you may also like the new post – Why Monogamy Is Like Racial Segregation:

  30. Massimo Amato says:

    Arab fundamentalists deeply believe in polygamy and see what they do to women … maybe it's just a matter of love and how to share it with others. This four letter word thay can save the planet is not recurrent in what you write…

  31. Yernasia Quorelios says:


    I have a Simple Three Part Mantra I CHOOSE to Abide By:

    ♡ Each To Their Own
    ♡ Live & Let Live
    ♡ Innovate & Co-Create

    …since I Rediscovered this Simple Three Part Mantra My Life is A Breeze; when 'Bad' things happen I now Get Over them Very Quickly…I read Something Beautiful Recently and, Sadly, the Source of these WOW!!! (Words Of Wisdom) escapes me:

    "When We Perceive Events As Happening FOR Us Rather Than Happening TO Us An Amazing Thing Happens; We Return From INAUTHENTIC To AUTHENTIC." ~ Anon


  32. Yernasia Quorelios says:

    I believe that if We Are Unable to Make Our Point in a Few Sentences or Paragraphs then We Are simply endeavouring to Convince Ourselves of what We Claim To Be Our Belief & Value Systems; we are presenting a Stream of Consciousness as Expert Opinion in order to make money? ♡♡♡…

    • Erika Awakening says:

      And I believe that spouting affirmations without addressing real world problems is spiritual bullshit and a cover-up for not addressing any of our real fears …

  33. Sierra Schenck-Smith says:

    Interesting perspective. You mentioned sickness and death as being the result of seperation of Oneness…hmmm…I question why we do have an attachment to our sexual partners? Why are some animals Monogomous? I feel I love freely to all my brothers and sisters, yet with boundaries I am selective with whom I trust to share my brightest light.Much like we wouldn't hand over the key to Gotham to the Joker because that would exclusive.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Sierra,

      Welcome to the blog. It’s in the “I am selective” about “shar[ing] my brightest light” that we have a problem. If we saw the light in all our brothers and sisters, being “selective” would be meaningless. And the problem with monogamy is it allows us to lie to ourselves, stagnate, and avoid doing the inner work we all need to do so we can love everyone equally.

      • Sierra Smith says:

        hmmmm….I hear you…I am toying with this, as to be open minded…I am curious and will keep open and search my heart for this message.

  34. Yernasia Quorelios says:

    1 Reason Why We Conflict:

    ♡ Mismanagement, Denial & Protection of Our Ego

    I Believe Monogamy/Polygamy/Polyandry are not At ALL Problems; Abscence of Choice is Our Problem; A Well Managed Ego Accepts Abscence Of Choice; paraphrasing Johnny Depp playing Captain Jack Sparrow, 'Our Problem is Not Our Problem, Our Problem Is Our Attitude to Our Problem ♡♡♡…

  35. Yernasia Quorelios says:


    3D Emotions & Feelings like:

    ♡ Anger
    ♡ Depression
    ♡ Envy
    ♡ Denial
    ♡ Jealousy
    ♡ Hate
    ♡ Anxiety
    ♡ Delusion
    ♡ Regression


    4D Emotions & Feelings like:

    ♡ Love
    ♡ Happiness
    ♡ Serenity
    ♡ Empathy
    ♡ Compassion
    ♡ Sympathy
    ♡ Affection
    ♡ Generosity
    ♡ Kindness



  36. Bryan Duke says:

    Erika Awakening If I look at the first on that list, the Gibbon Ape predates Homo Sapien by around 8 million years. so who's projecting who?
    Evolutionary theory supposes Monogamy evolved in response to the threat of babies being killed by rival men. Quite a loving motive. Polygamy on the other hand can create problems since the multiple wife approach leaves a lot of unmarried men around, inclined to act in risky, angry ways. These menacing bachelors increase the rates of crime and conflict, lowering productivity. In China, the preference for male babies skewed the gender ratio dramatically from 1988 to 2004. During that time, the number of unmarried men nearly doubled, and so did crime. There is also a correlation between rates of monogamy and longevity but you're probably uninterested, cheers

    • Erika Awakening says:

      I don’t believe in evolution. It’s an ego lie designed to cover up the fact that you are God. It’s a trick to keep you powerless and pathetic. Still want to keep it?

      • Monica Earthling power says:

        You don’t believe in bones dug up from the ground? Are you saying that all the concrete evidence that has been unearthed that proves ancestral lineage and shows how animals have changed over time are ALL hoaxes and lies? Do you realize how foolish and disconnected from reality this makes you sound? Evolution has no bearing on the fact that We Are God. Denying this truth is akin to denying that the Earth has existed for millions of years, and has changed over time. And if it wasn’t for those changes, we would still be living in caves, grunting at each other, with underdeveloped minds, incapable of realizing our true inter-connectedness.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Time/space is an illusion. Even Einstein recognized this. If time/space is an illusion, so is evolution. Nothing you see is real. There is no spoon.

  37. Yernasia Quorelios says:

    I have found that there is Contradiction & Hypocrisy in Denying "ego" 'cos it exists; those who Deny Ego are the Most Egotistical Folk I know..I prefer to Manage My than to Protect or Deny My Ego; My Ego is exactly that, Mine, and I am Solely Accountable & Responsible for My Ego…My Ego has CHOSEN Monogamy from a Place of Love; We Fight 'cos we are Denying or Protecting Our Ego instead of Managing Our Ego by Admitting, Acknowledging & Addressing Our MMHI (Multiple Mental Health Issues) ♡♡♡…

  38. Thanks a lot Charlotte. I got overwhelmed by comments so picked up the discussion in a new post here – Why Monogamy Is Like Racial Segregation:

  39. New post – I got overwhelmed by comments on the other one lol – all these arguments are baloney – just like they made in segregation times – New blog post – Why Monogamy Is Like Racial Segregation:

  40. Venessa White says:

    This article resonates with me

  41. Jenny DevilDoll Gonzalez-Blitz says:

    Likening someone's personal choice to only have one partner to "racial segregation" or Nazism is not only incredibly crass and insensitive, it's an argument with some rather predatory implications. Are you implying that no one is allowed their personal boundaries, that we're all somehow OBLIGED to sleep with anyone who wants to sleep with us, whether we have any interest in them or not? Are you saying that the ability to give or deny consent is somehow "exclusive"? I don't think either monogamy or polyamory is a "bar to world peace", but I think rape culture definitely is.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Jenny,

      Welcome to the blog. Nope, I do not advocate rape or stealing or murder. Many people have not woken up to the fact that eating meat and fish is murder … but I digress.

      As I have mentioned in other comments, I do not expect anyone to go out and sleep with 12 crack addicts tomorrow. What I do expect of us is that we be honest that monogamy is the ultimate form of bigotry. What we do from that place of honesty is clear our fear systematically. As we do that, the world will be healed and transformed.

      All I expect from us right now is honesty, and based on many of the comments on the thread, we have a ways to go even to get to that.

      Thanks for commenting.

      • Hmmm…naah, still think genocide, segregation, lynchings, and George Zimmerman are more ultimate forms of bigotry than the fact that someone may only desire sex with one person. But I’m glad you aren’t endorsing the idea that it’s imperative to sleep with people we don’t want to.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        So Jenny you’d like to go back to sleep like the guy in Matrix who betrayed everyone and didn’t want to remember anything in the morning?

        Because the belief system behind monogamy is killing millions of people around the globe … not to mention billions of animals every year …

  42. You can love everyone and then choose to just have sexual love and chemistry with one person. That’s not racist, or Nazi-like, or whatever else you might think it to be. Love cannot be equal – that would be a fairy tale. It would be nice I suppose, but it’s just not possible. And there’s all different kinds of love: family, friends, lovers, sexual partners, etc. Polygamy isn’t for everyone, as monogamy isn’t for everyone. This article is so black and white. Not everyone can fit into one lifestyle. Nor should everyone. The idea of everything being the same, every relationship being the same, seems so meaningless. Why don’t we all just become the same – dress the same, talk the same, behave the same, with same personalities? Totally eradicate exclusiveness and ‘specialness’?

    To say you feel excluded/offended for being excluded from someone else’s relationship is selfish. Every bond is special and unique. Every friendship, love, what have you, is unique. That cannot be helped, because every individual is different and special (thus every relationship is special.) I love my close friends in a near-equal matter but still, they are all different. People have the right
    to be in whatever kind of relationship they want without it being compared to the Holocaust. Polygamy, so long as consensual and of-age, is fine. Monogamy, as long as consensual and of-age, is fine. We all want different things after all, but different is not always bad.

    Monogamy’s exclusiveness is different than the Holocaust, segregation, etc. It’s two people mutually deciding to love each other. It’s mutual and doesn’t harm others. Segregation/Holocaust/your other examples weren’t mutually accepted by both parties. And harm was caused, and rights were stripped. Monogamy doesn’t harm unless someone wrongs the other- but that always happens. People always hurt others, especially the ones nearest to them. It is inevitable, and through that pain, we learn to grow and not let it stunt us.

    And I hate how the food industry and meat industry work; it’s inhumane how we go about it and also gross/unsanitary/unhealthy. But we have the teeth of meat eaters. We are animals on the food chain. To say we are ‘above’ that is to EXCLUDE ourselves from other species – to say we are better. So should all other animals become vegetarian?

    Vegetarianism is saying that we are better than other animals, or even saying we aren’t animals. But we are animals in the end. We have more intellect. Chimpanzees and dolphins have more intellect than pigs or bugs. Even plants have a sense of awareness. It is murder, I agree. But lions murder antelopes and antelopes murder plants.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi SKE, welcome to the blog. Please read the new article. The same basic arguments were made to defend racial segregation and do not stand up to basic honesty:

      New blog post – Why Monogamy Is Like Racial Segregation:

      It is not possible to love everyone equally and exclude them. Even the Supreme Court eventually agreed that separate is not equal. Please read the new article because many of these ideas are addressed there.

      Thanks for contributing :)

  43. Some other species divorcing themselves from nature, filled with hate and Nazi ambitions.
    Gibbon apes
    barn owls
    bald eagles
    golden eagles
    brolga cranes
    French angel fish
    sandhill cranes
    red-tailed hawks
    prairie voles

  44. Johan Permakult says:

    Tell it to wolves and other creatures that mate for life. Some people need monogamy to be complete, others expect serial monogamy, polygamy or nothing at all. There is room for more than one lifestyle on earth so long as people can be respectful and honest, to themselves and others. No reason to be intolerant, it's all OK if it's safe, sane, consensual and respectful. No need to scapegoat or pillory one group or another for the world's problems. That comes off as pretty insecure at best, spiritually opportunistic at worst.

  45. Patrick Velocian Dumont says:

    I think the unforseen, long term repercussion of a free love society would be fucking hilarious… But I'm a nihilistic piece of slag.

  46. Erika Awakening says:

    Hi everyone, we have a new post:

    Why Monogamy Is Like Racial Segregation:

    All comments are appreciated :)

  47. I see where you’re coming from here. Have you ever read Robert Heinlein’s Stranger in a Strange Land? It perfectly illustrates the kind of love you are talking about.

    I do think that humanity isn’t quite ready for that yet. I guess we’re probably not ready for world peace yet either. But I’m not sure I agree that world peace is impossible with monogamy still in the picture. I say nothings impossible.

    I also think that within this human experience, monogamy can be a practical choice rather than a philosophical one. My husband and I are both polyamorous by nature. We love many people, but we don’t want to persue poly relationships with them due to the complications involved at this level of human social evolution. It already takes enough effort to be a loving, attentive partner to one person. Neither of us want to put in the effort with many partners.

    You could argue that love can just be freely given without partnering up, and that’s true, but there is a very strong, instinctual urge for pair bonding in our genes, and this makes sense when it comes to procreation (as much as it takes a village.)

  48. Awesome answer…and you know what? I apologize. What i said was completely rude and the result of a residual issue i had with you a couple of years back when you responded with anger at something much more innocent that i’d posted.
    You’ve grown. And me too because of it (this may be my first public apology EVER)
    And,,,i agree with your article, although i do see why to many you may seem to come off as judgemental or craycray…its hard to be a visionary. And lonely. Thanks for lightening up about it

  49. Martin Ensbury says:

    I gree with Nathan, not Erika…is 'Awakening' the name you have chosen to 'attatch' to yourself ? The article appears to return to free-love/60's ideas. I agree concentration camps/apartheid are examples of segregation/seperatedness, and fear, for fear was the core ego. Can you quantify your belief, that monogamy produces sickness, and death…and how many of 7 billion are in the oneness ? How many in the oneness are dead ? I don't have those figures, and know of no source that can verify this. You consider 'little' the free-will choice and bliss of love, and what it provides, safety, security, happiness, peace. contentment.
    Personally, like Chief Seattle, I ignore the validity of land-ownership, yet caves were free, or were they ? Sharing is good, and positive, stealing is bad, a thin line seperates both. Would you allow squatters in your home, allow them intimacy with you and your daughters ? It appears you ignore the validity of the 'no' word, free-will, fairness, happiness. How too, is it 'poverty-consciouss' ? There is a difference betwixt materialism and monogamy….ask most multi-wived sheik billionairs.
    The instance you quote, regarding a man coming onto anothers' wife in a bar, and ensuing fight…is not monogamy producing violence, but the disrespect of a couples' beliefs and agreed union. Is it ownership here, or the protection of another' emotions, that monogamy provides ?
    I agree it wrong for either party to turn them away from their extended family, but again, thats a controlling bully, not monogamy, to blame.
    You appear to quote instances of men being the controller/agressor, in many situations, even Adolf, with the camps, and the Berlin wall, apartheid, etc, for it was generally men that gave those orders. The wall, camps, racism, etc, have again, been brought down mainly because of men, again, but better men.
    Love and choice is not a "restaurant (or) merchant for eternity", its a free-choice, and why must you make a meal or sale, analogous to human emotion ?

  50. The article makes one simple error. Monogamy is a symptom, not a cause. You can address the symptoms and stay on the surface of the issue, or you can look deeper into what kinds of social structures and systems of gender inequality make monogamy the status quo. Monogamy does not cause these systems- it *results* from them.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Ina,

      Welcome to the blog. You are correct. Monogamy is a symptom of the belief in special love. I have said that somewhere in the discussion, yet we have so many comments now nobody could blame you if you missed it in the discussion. The problem is special love. However, many people are trying to be in denial and think they can keep monogamy and solve the other problem. And that is not possible. So we are going to continue to focus on monogamy even though you are absolutely correct, it is a symptom.

      Thanks for your contribution :)

  51. Ya you need therapy.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      The favorite thing of people to say when they don’t want to be honest with themselves about their own feelings and go deeper with a topic. Why not pathologize the other person?

      Please keep the discussion about ideas and not ad hominems Bryan. Thanks.

  52. Jeremy Fizette says:

    Glad you brought up family. More to this side that childless people cant grasp until they experience it for themselves is just how much a child needs. Even if you have a strong community, in our modern world of obligations, a child needs more than one person to rely on at all times. Also, having their blood masculine and feminine around to understand where their energies are coming from and how the union of those two energies have made the person they are. But through all the this and that everyones different and some, i believe arent made for monagamy, and can give and recieve more abundantly through other modes of lifestyle. This can even benefit a child, honesty is of course important. To blame a lifestyle for other choices is short sighted the root always lies in action not a conceived idea or box/label given to a multitude of circumstances.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Jeremy, welcome to the blog and thanks for raising this point … It probably needs a whole additional article. Parent/child relationships in our culture are also “special” relationships and will need to be radically transformed. They have pretty much the same problems as monogamy.

  53. ooooookaaaaaaaaaay.

    still not letting some random bitch suck my boyfriend's dick but you do you lady

  54. Lucie Boshier says:

    The Official John Gray Mars Venus is amazing on all topics related to men / women / sex and relationships!! Best ever.

  55. Lucie Boshier says:

    I didn't believe in monogamy until I found my great love. I think the problem is that we often marry for the wrong reasons – if you have a wandering eye you're with the wrong person! (And perhaps not spiritually ready to make a life-long commitment!) I am reading a beautiful book called Marriage on the Spiritual Path by Shakti Parwha Kaur Khalsa – it talks about marriage being the highest form of yoga.

  56. Marcus Allen Gramps says:

    The silly failures at logic in this piece are too numerous to respond well to. From the start you are not seeing that your own beliefs create your perspective. You stretch meaning far beyond context and sense. Perhaps write less and think, at least a little.

  57. If the world is the effect of my thoughts, shouldn’t I simply be able to think and believe anything I choose and have it become true? Shouldn’t I be able to believe, for example, that monogamy can *cause* world peace, and have it become true? How can something be an absolute bar to something else in a world that is the absolute “effect of my thoughts?”

    • Erika Awakening says:

      John, it’s a good question and we need to delve a bit deeper than that to answer it. In fact, it would be another whole blog article and comments section really.

      One of the biggest issues is that people do not understand the difference between the conscious and unconscious mind. The movie the Secret simplistically led people to believe that they could “visualize” a Ferrari with their conscious mind and just have it show up. This ignored entire 1) the subconscious mind, which is where the real power is, and 2) the fact that the world is not at random and there is a master plan for salvation that does not include every Joe Schmoe having a Ferrari because it’s an ego desire and totally impractical.

      It’s a good question and it’s way too long a discussion to have here. A good place to start is reading the book A Course in Miracles. This is also what I teach people in private coaching.

  58. Erik Verkijk says:

    I do agree about the limiting and potentially damaging effects of monogamy.

  59. Erik Verkijk says:

    Hi Erika,
    How do you feel about the section on a "Holy Relationship" in the Course then? It clearly seems to indicate that a relationship can be used to obtain the goal of the Course

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Erik, welcome to the blog and thanks for the question. The holy relationship in the Course cannot be exclusive. There are many, many passages in Course in Miracles that make this clear. I am not even physically with my holy relationship partner right now and yet God has used that relationship for the past five years for the healing of the planet. It’s a much longer discussion …

  60. April Jackson says:

    Just to mention also that your description of marriage/monogamy may fit with modern west etc, but its not like that at all in the east, and I'd imagine in most places in the world where people live in tribes/extended family

  61. Urs José Zuber says:

    woOow . i am really impressed … it's a lOng time agoOo that i saw such a prOvocative article with soOo many interesting cOMments ;-)

    first of all, it's a nice cOincidence that i was trying to explain this afternoOon to a new (aikido) friend i met here in tel aviv what *the COURSE in MIRACLES* is all about …

    unfOrtunately i have to admit, that, even after more than eight years of intensive study, forgiving, reading the whole boOok twice, trice . etc. … i sOMehow failed to make him curious about this masterpiece … the more i tried to explain . the more the cOMunication became a struggle till we finally got quiet and peace could enter again …

    why i am writing that ?

    first i was really attracted by the title a (female) friend (who knows that i am on the way on pOlyamOrie and as a course student) sent to me …

    then i read that you . erika . wrote about ACIM … so i was even more interested …

    then i read your 5 reasons and i had to say . yes . i see and feel it very similar …

    but . when i went thru all the answers you got (congratulatiOM) i was sad about the overall *punch backs* you received …

    and i realized as well . that seemingly most of the people behind the answers do not know THE COURSE …

    well . anyway . .. …

    but what i really want to say is this : i am right now gOing thru the workbook another time (and i guess, it will not be the last time ,-) !) … and already in the first about 25 lessons the course makes it clear what's happening here …

    for example lessOM 16 : i have no neutral thoughts

    in the third section … salvation requires that you also recognize that every thought you have brings either peace or war, either love or fear …

    well . of course the COURSE means love or fear IN YOU … but . and that's the tricky point … the answers were mostly *war* (against you) … what makes absolutely clear, that this is what you RECEIVE … (respectively spoken in COURSE.language : that is what YOU are projecting outside …) …

    if you had written the text a little bit more with the help of the holy ghost (may you have done this ?) then the text would be about the same issue, but in a way, that would not provoce such a huge *against* you …

    and that's exactly what the course is all about …

    if it's the EGO-mind who writes a text . you can be sure, that a lot of ego's will write you back …

    but if you write the same with the *right-minded* (holy ghost) part of your eternal beeing … then i am sure you would have had more *i see your point . but i am not with you because of …* reactions …

    but now . it's like you have been slaped several times … and that's really sad . because what you write actually . is . in a COURSE view *right* .-)

    but as you sure know as a *high priestess of miracles* . it matters not WHAT you write but WITH WHOM (HOLY GHOST OR EGO) you WRITE …

    so all i would like to say here . thanks for this challenging text …

    thanks for all the interesting answers of all the others (sons of god) …

    and as a course student i do what the course always wants us to do …

    to FORGIVE what never happened … because we are all but dreaming this conversation ,-)

    so far the best wishes frOM a sincere course student who only wants to wake up frOM this sometime beatifull . and sometime really ugly dream …

    u.r.s. jOsé | course.student

    ps : for everyONE who is interested in the course … give it a try . it's a masterpiece of its own !

    and by the way . a good entry are the three very famous books of gary renard …

    the disappereance of the universe
    how to break the cycle of life and death
    love has forgotten nowONE …

    peace !

  62. Mark Andre says:

    Compulsory use of common currency, the traffic in women, and a permanent state of war are the foundations of a successful economy. The currency finances the war, the subdued people replenish the infantry or supplement the labor force at home, and the women are used as currency in ways from pragmatic to fiendish. A male priesthood 'serving' a male god mystifies the process and eroticizes the master-slave relationship. It is evil incarnate.

  63. Charlotte Aimee Gillbanks says:

    Thank you for being prepared to drop some uncomfortable belief-challenging truth bombs. If we're triggered into any kind of polarity over it then it's guaranteed there's something for us to get curious about – individually and collectively. Whether I 'agree' or not is largely irrelevant but I do love this article, mostly for the very reason that it will inevitably trigger people and push into the boundaries of their current belief system. Thank you for your courage in sharing it when you knew you'd inevitably take some hits. Challenging cultural boundaries and conditioning sure isn't for sissies. Peace. x

  64. Steven Russell says:

    Namaste Erika.

    Thank you for sharing the view from your path. It is beautiful because it is an expression of your journey.

    I do not wish to take issue with any of the opinions, thoughts and beliefs you express. They are both "true" and "false"; equally valid and invalid as any of those expressed in response to your article or those which I hold as my own in this moment.

    I have some questions for you:

    When you assert that your view is "right" and that others must be convinced of this are you coming from a place of love, compassion and acceptance of the others journey or is the need to be seen as "right" something which arises from the "ego"?

    Is there only one path to follow and all other souls are lost on the way?

    Can eternal and limitless love be fully captured with thought, bounded by words and expressed through convention/habit?

    Is there only one "right" way in which love may be expressed in our relationships with others e.g. polygamy rather than monogamy; sexually rather than through celibacy?

    When we project our thoughts, beliefs and preconceptions into the lived moment are we fully experiencing reality?

    When we decide that our current beliefs are truth have we reached the end of the journey or by clinging to them do we hinder our progress along the way?

    In the spirit of sharing I offer you the view from my current place along my path.

    To truly apprehend love, which is reality, we must move beyond the limitations of our thoughts and beliefs.
    We must be fully present in the moment, experiencing the totality as it is and not how it is reflected in our minds.

    I offer you this view in the same way as might show you a cloud in the sky. Something which is real (formed in this moment) but as subject to the winds of change as clouds.

    Look beyond the clouds of thought and belief and see the beauty that is the unbounded sky.

    May today and everyday bring you lessons and blessings to guide and nourish you on your way.

    Peace, Love and Light to you sister.


  65. hihi :D

  66. Jessica Cielo says:

    As this person said from the beginning she has written this tiny little article based on a FIVE YEAR STUDY and honestly I find her comparisons intriguing and justified. Monogomy is not being used in this sense as strictly a sexual orientation, but an overall way we see the things around us. Countries feel they must be separate from others, certain religious groups seek to be non inclusive to the inquisitive learner, and yes when it comes right down to it Monogomy causes humans to become jealous and hateful, when it is a person's natural reaction to be attracted to beauty, personality, and charisma. I know the connections well, I am now in my second polygamous relationship, and although my first experience with it was bust (basically he controlled who and where I met and what I did) my current relationship is better than a lot of the monogamous relationships I have witnessed in the past and to date. And we share that same love, understanding and passion with others. I know most people see it simply as a sexual drive, which in part it is, I am not going to sugar coat it. But I have helped so many people, male and female to understand emotions and urges that they have never even had a chance to express, let alone accept as a natural part of them.

  67. Irena Golic says:

    “World Peace Will Never Happen As Long As We Cling to Monogamy”
    is a belief system also. Love is not exclusive, sex is not exclusive, and should never be…I love my daughter, my boyfriend, my mother, the sunsets, the flowers.. in different ways and yes the enlightened masters may love every being because of their knowing that we are all one. How could a master fight/hate/destroy himself?
    World Peace Will Never Happen As Long As We…don’t remember that we are all brothers and sisters, that we are all one. It has nothing to do with sex or monogamy. In the state of enlightened mind it will always be a FREE choice whether I want to be in a relationship with one person or not. This relationship/relationships will always be based on love, esteem, acceptance and freedom.
    But we (people) still have huge egos, still lie to ourselves and others and are still far away from that enlightened state. The choice to be in a relationship (monogamous or polygamous) is for the most of humanity not a free choice. It is mostly based on fear.
    Living in a polygamous relationship says NOTHING about persons state of awareness and his/her ability to love!!!!!!
    Erika, what about your acceptance? Can you accept that for some (or many) people the monogamy or even celibacy are the ways to enlightenment and not to war and disease? Can you? If not than ask YOUR ego why is it fighting monogamy and people who believe it to be the right way for them.
    The separation-consciousness belief system may be the cause of all "evil" but are your thoughts the ones of ONENESS? Your thoughts may be going in the right direction bur they are still very limited ones.
    We are all on our way back home to the oneness only taking different paths. May love, acceptance, respect and compassion be our companions on our way.
    Thank you

  68. Tigris Sky says:

    Wow. Being someone who has moved openly through both monogamy and polygamy I can disagree completely with the assertions made in this article. Which are, in my personal opinion only, as far reaching as the recent moment Sarah Palin had in comparing Slavery to our National Debt — okay sure you make some points that could have some small amount of forced coincidental correlation but WHAT THE HELL are you talking about lady?

    One does not have to pull in outrageous extremes such as this to make the point that a persons personal sexual/relationship preference should be a non-issue unowned and not controlled by society or any government. That oppressing people with such control, be it telling them how many sexual partners they can have, who they can marry, what the correct sex, race, or religion are, all contribute strongly to the overall separation humanity suffers which ultimately keeps us warring with anyone who is not like we are.

    In fact, this very article itself simply helps to further promote that separation presenting an elitist view on yet one more aspects of how society should be … providing exactly the fodder the writer is so determined to pull away from. Leaving me to see it as nothing more than a rant someone went on after once again having to defend why their way of doing something is right and more just than any other one persons. Which probably made it easier for the writer to justify and believe in the extreme connections they made about their personal lifestyle choices and how if just everyone would stop and think like them the world would be such a more beautiful place. Which is, in and of itself, just another bullshit lie all of us tell ourselves to continue on and get through each day.

  69. Thomas Franklin says:

    I totally get what the author is saying. Monogamy is a mindset of separation and ownership (Mine!) instead of a mindset of oneness and inclusion (all are welcome) which is the same mindset that perpetuates poverty and warfare. It's true. However most people aren't ready to accept that paradigm and the world embracing such a philosophy is a long, long way off. (if it ever does)

  70. Gillian Weeks says:

    I choose monogamy because I think it helps me achieve a greater intimacy with the person I am with. If I was throwing my pussy all over the land, I wouldn't feel special for being someone else's only- and I wouldn't feel close to them either.

    I think you have issues, to be honest. Monogamy IS EXACTLY LIKENED to a oneness with God. You just don't know God.. and you don't know true intimacy. There are specialists you can talk to about intimacy issues, promiscuity- things that might have happened that caused this over-reaching for control in your sexuality.. usually some kind of sexual trauma.. Reach out to another perspective. Your article is very telling, but only about YOU, not about anything that will enlighten the masses, sexually or spiritually, I'm sorry to say. I think you're in a delicate position right now, and you could use a professional to work through it. =) Good luck…

  71. Wolfsbane Elle says:

    I have no problem with this authors point of view and I can even be open to many of their points. However personally find the way it is written to be totally closed minded and ego based it's self. This author seems to believe that their way is the way and to say that others are not as spiritually evolved as you for seeing things differently? Come one? I don't want to judge here but I think the author could still use a little self work. Just because other people's path is different from yours doesn't mean they are lost. We all have our paths and our way. Again I have no problem with ideas themselves that are being expressed here but I do think they way in which they were expressed is judgmental and coming from a place of some one trying to set them selves above others that see things differently. It's a shame too, because when I saw this article posted I was excited to read it. I was looking forward to sharing it and posting it on my wall, as I am not totally into the idea of monogamy either. But just reading the introduction totally changed my mind and closed my heart to the author. I think personally if this person wants to get their msg across they need to lose the ego and the attitude. And yes I am aware that my own judgements have been triggered here. :P

  72. Pamela Dawn says:

    What if ones chooses to be monogamous! I think all flowers are beautiful, but there is nothing wrong with having a favourite flower

  73. Hello Erika, much GratitudenAppreciationnRespect to you for your insightful and provocative article ……. I know beliefs, especially those in the subconscious, whether on core, genetic,history or soul levels, are powerful; muscle testing shows me there is no positive correlation between monogamy and war, however there is a positive correlation between Christianity and war …… I will investigate further …… LovenLightnBlessings to you, from Phillip OOO

  74. Hi Erika…in reading this and other blogs on your site about your lost 5 years with one person, I think I see the connection. I feel that due to the huge hurt from your horrible relationship, you believe monogamy to be wrong. I also see that you hold bitterness and desire to see your ex wronged in your article about God thinking you’re an asshole. I was enjoying it until it turned into a bash to your ex. It is clear that you haven’t really healed from him. I am not a professional, but I feel that I am open minded and allow others to believe as they will. I am not bashing what you are saying/believing, just offering my thoughts that maybe your ideal is coming off your bad break up. If I understand your article correctly, you are saying that the “happy” couple with children are excluding themselves from sharing what they could offer to the world, fighting solely for themselves and not seeing the love that could be shared around which in turn leads to world destruction. I have an idea of people just living together, sleeping with whomever they feel, having children for which all share in raising and expecting all to feel love (from reading your post)-if monogamy were done away with, how would the world live? Can you give an example of society and how it would look based on your article? Do we all live together in the same house, like fortresses in the past? Do we live in our own separate homes like we do now, but just share ourselves and pour our love into everyone? I am confused about the specifics of this way of life. To give you some background on me, I was with a few people in college on a sexual basis (I wanted more) and was hurt that the one wanted to see someone else, the other was awful at it, and the third was okay and while I did build a relationship with him for a long time, he was angry and hateful and somewhat abusive…I moved on from them because no matter how much love I gave, I didn’t get any love back…I would assume here it does not matter if I was with one or all three at the same time and still expect the love in return…or is there no love to come back? Is it just giving of myself to others and that is to fulfill me? Anyway, I am now with someone for the past 7+ years and couldn’t be happier. We have beautiful children and a wonderful relationship. We do have arguments and disagreements and such. No we don’t share our love with the outside world. And here is a really snobbish, self-centered question…why should we? Why do you believe I should share what I worked hard to attain and to keep by the way, with you or anyone else? What have you done to deserve our love? It doesn’t really matter anyway, because we wouldn’t have any feelings for you. I do believe in the one love for each person and I am sorry you haven’t found it. I am saddened to see you give up due to what your ex did to you. I have to say though that not everyone will have your beliefs and you may again be used in the same way and possibly on a larger scale since you will have multiple people in your life taking of advantage of you at one time. I hope that good things come to you and wish you could feel the contentment that is felt with knowing how wonderful you are to that one person in the whole world. Yes, he hurts me sometimes, and I cry and I curse him and question us, but getting past it, having him come back and tell me how sorry he is, working through it, builds such a deep bond that no one else can attain or get to. We could go out, share love with the world, but what we have is something that can’t be shared. I can’t love you like I love him, I can’t open to you the way I do him, and if I could/did, what is the point? To get the same greatness from others…it’s not special then and would be pointless. I wouldn’t want it if I can get it from everyone. You’re right, it is a “special love.” I have no plans to change. Whatever you choose, I hope one day, you find a “special love” whether it is with one or multiple people.

  75. marvel girl says:

    Others who have chimed in have a more graceful and sensitive approach to their converse opinion to this article, I apologise for my blunt nature, but my experience with polygamy has brought nothing but pain and suffering of the heart. At first, it was liberating. I even had a small child. What I didn’t know is when that child grew to the age of conscience, her nature became dark and abhorrent. Three or so of the past years I have been in a dedicated and monogamous relationship, and I feel more peace and satisfaction in life than ever before. The unadjusted child I spoke of is becoming more well adjusted every day. Is it with the original father? No. I had to scrap that idea and consider it a personal failure, both to myself and to my first child. But the successes of my second try in a new life are making the old fail moot. I admit, I was young. I didn’t even love the father of my first child. He didn’t respect me and I didn’t respect him. My youngest is 2, and since I love my husband we have that mutual respect and are creating a strong environment for her. We are also teaching my oldest child the meaning of having a positive, strong relationship. It’s not selfish or war inducing at all. She is a calm rational and brilliant little girl where she used to be dark, deceiving and maniacal. I regret bringing her into a world where indiscriminate sex and partners and everything this article is trying to anglicize. It’s not as simple as this article suggests. The previous posters are absolutely right about sharing your heart with too many people will leave you empty in the end.

  76. Leon Miranda says:

    In 2 words ABSOLUTE TOSH!

  77. It is awesome how many people have responded to this article. I for one am not naturally monogamous, although that doesn’t mean I want to have sex with everyone i meet. I am married and my husband is monogamous so i respect his wishes within our partnership. I will meet at times meet someone to whom i am drawn to be close to, so far i have only ever wanted to hug or kiss that person. if i were to do that however i would hurt my husband, so i don’t. But i do wonder at my total lack of jealousy at the thought of my husband with another woman. I would want to know all the details though, after all he is my best friend. I don’t know anyone who thinks like me, so i could appreciate this article.

  78. Helen Brown says:

    This is absolutely brilliant! I have believed this way for many years now and it is refreshing to see someone post an article about this subject. Thank you for brining this awareness to an ego conscious society. It really puts "love" in perspective of it's true meaning. Thank you again Ericka! :-)

  79. marvel girl says:

    This article doesn’t make much more sense than it appears it was written by a woman who had her heart and snatch set on a particular man who isn’t interested because he is in a dun-dun-dunnnnn … Monogamous relationship. So she is focusing the blame on his partner because he won’t stick it in her. The real war is her selfish intentions to satisfy her wandering sexual nature, ultimately insensitive and reclusive about the feelings of the partner she wants to lay. The encouragement of indiscriminate and lawless sex life deteriorates the human soul for one or both parties over the years. Even though it may seem like a mutual thing, the true nature of humans need to “mate for life” will surface. Also I’m sure the author does not take any consideration for when children are involved. What exactly is the positive example set by this moral code? Want to drag up statistics of the psychology reports on children whose parents have polygamous relationships? Something tells me it isn’t positive results. The human condition needs a little structure, a lot of charity and love and a respect for your partner. Treating each other like fuck dolls doesn’t seem like it would end world peace. Not convinced. How about sticking to a more platonic subject?

  80. Hi Erika ,, will like the answer held here in case you want to give me one .. }}Your idea is not healthy at all… giving away your sexual energy to often whit other humans ,other karma, other soul and spirit is wasting yuor powerful energy… you shoul better use that time to meditate …}} instead of sex and sex and sex..
    I bet you are a very sexual person, but that doesnt mean not believing in PURE LOVE ..
    }besides getting virus and bacterias from other sexual organ in other strangers human, is not healthy for THE HEARTH ..
    after years , you will feel empty … giving away so much and after having nothing ..

    I being asexual for 12 years next april, and I am very proud of myself.
    I dont need sex at all or having the approval of another human or his affection..

    I think I will remain like this all my Life , is just the real POWER ..

  81. Hello Erika…

    After reading through your rather long communication with Nathan… there is just one little thing I’d like to point out to him regarding his “Penguin/Monogamous/Non-Violent” analogy. It only take a few seconds to do a google search for Penguin Fights… and the results that come up easily prove Nathans “Theory” on Penguins to be completely wrong. There are hundreds of videos showing penguins fighting over “territory”… with that said, I feel he (like many) has simply misunderstood the fundamental truths applied to your position. He also claims that we are all “different” (using the term as a replacement for ‘special’)… and from that perspective… he’s a separatist, therefore, all of his conclusions are rooted in separation, yet at the same time, he also claims to understand the nature of our “unified” holographic construct and co-creator consciousness. But I must say that it is relieving/inspiring to witness a considerate conversation online… as I’m sure you know, they are basically very rare.

    Anyway, on a final note… I feel I should bring up the phrase “Unconditional Love”… because that’s the real issue here. Monogamy creates “Conditions of Separation”… hence the creation of the Illusion we ALL live within. So I am in total agreement with your perspective on monogamy because I’ve had the experiences to help me gain the same understanding. But in a world of ‘programmed separation’… those with an alternative unifying perspective seem to be voices in the wilderness.

    Thank you for caring and sharing Erika…

    • Hello Derek,

      Thank you for your thoughtful commentary. I am actually glad to have you disprove my theory with a bit of factual research, as I am after the truth here, nothing else. You are of course correct — birds are all territorial just as much as almost any living animal, and violence comes up as a result. Point happily conceded.

      For me, what that points to is the difficulty in parsing out the true cause(s) of violence, as well as the true symptoms of separation consciousness. How can we establish that monogamy is really intrinsically tied to the separation-consciousness that causes all of our world’s ills? Given that pretty much every living being on the planet is walking around with a least a bit of separation consciousness, how can we be sure which of their actions come from separateness, and which come from Oneness? If we find a married, monogamous couple who have done a good job of never harming another being and living as paragons of Oneness, of which I personally know a few, we could always say, “Yes but their monogamy is still based on hate and has a negative effect on the holographic universe.” Okay, while this might be true, how do you prove it? You could say the same thing about drinking water (“Why water? Why do you separate yourself from soda?” etc.) and there would be no way to disprove such a claim, which makes the truth-value of the claim highly suspect.

      As far as I can tell, there is absolutely no evidence to support the notion that monogamy intrinsically stems from the same place as racism, war, violence, etc. I am open to being proven wrong, but all I’m getting here is declarative statements with little more than spurious logic to back it up.

      You also state, “He [me!] also claims that we are all “different” (using the term as a replacement for ‘special’)… and from that perspective… he’s a separatist, therefore, all of his conclusions are rooted in separation”

      I don’t see how the one leads to the other. I have a liver and I have a spleen. Although they both arise from the same Source, their forms are different and they perform different functions. That is a good thing, and worth recognizing rather than white-washing the two into some sort of perceived sameness. If being inclusive means pretending that differences don’t exist, then we miss the opportunity to love and celebrate others precisely because they are all a unique creation/expression of Divine Love.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Hi Nathan,

        Thanks for still being here. We do appreciate you. You know this is actually what we do with tapping too. I teach my customers and clients to let EVERY voice within them have its say. At first the inner voices are all pissed off at each other and arguing and disagreeing. And then as the voices are all given equal time and heard, something amazing starts to happen … the voices become integrated into one unified Voice. Hopefully if we stick with this long enough, that is what we will accomplish on the blog here.

        You say you still have seen no evidence that monogamy arises out of the same consciousness as segregation and the other ills of the world.

        I really would like to understand how the consciousness can possibly be seen as different.

        In segregation times, they said things like: “It’s not that I’m a racist. It’s not that I hate black people. I just don’t want to sit at a lunch counter with them. I don’t want to drink from the same water fountain.” And if you dug down below that, it turned out the white people were holding all kinds of judgments and fears about how they might be “contaminated” by these “disgusting” black people.

        How is that any different from: “It’s not that I fear or judge my brothers and sisters. I just don’t want to have sex with them.” And when we dig down, it’s always things like “I might get a disease.” “I’m just not attracted to him/her.” “I want to keep my life simple.” And it’s all baloney. The truth is I don’t like my brothers and sisters. I find them revolting. I don’t want to delve into my discomfort and fear and do my radical forgiveness work so that I can embrace anyone. I want to hide out in monogamy the same way the whites hid out in segregation.

        I honestly see no difference whatsoever and to me it’s obviously the same fearful, hateful consciousness driving both forms of separation and discrimination.

        Help me out here?

      • I’ll do my best! :)

        The biggest difference has to do with systemic oppression. Segregation was a government-backed program that didn’t just keep people physically apart, it served to keep black people in a lower social position than white people, thus robbing them of access to economic opportunity while stripping black people of basic human dignity. This is what made white folks’ seemingly benign justifications for segregation so disingenuous — they were getting something out of the arrangement that was mean-spirited, even as they protested that they weren’t being mean-spirited at all. The words and the reality just didn’t jibe.

        In monogamy, however, no such systemic oppression exists, and one couple’s choice of monogamy does not impinge on the dignity of anyone else, so there is little reason to suspect that the reasons given for monogamy are similarly disingenuous. A coupled pair does not, solely by virtue of their relationship, have the power to do anything hurtful to anyone else. Period. They are not forcing other people into a “less than” role, they are simply exercising their right not to consent to sexual relations with other interested parties.

        Someone who is attracted to one or both partners might feel rejected or excluded by not having access to their sexual organs, but that is their own issue, for them to deal with. That’s how you take responsibility for your own feelings, a concept that I am sure you are familiar with.

        The other major difference between segregation and monogamy is that as a member of a monogamous couple, I can still feel tremendous love for those I’m not sleeping with. I can truly want what is best for them and even help them to get it, spending time with them, communing with them, learning about them, and actively participating in furthering their happiness. There are plenty of other people out there, so while they might not have access to MY sexual organs, I am not systematically preventing them from having access to ANY sexual organs (which would be a more true analogy to segregation). They can find what they want elsewhere, with my blessing and enthusiastic support.

        It is important to note that being monogamous doesn’t mean that you don’t feel attracted to other people. You may well have an attraction to someone aside from your partner, but choose not act on that attraction — not because you see anything lacking or unlovable about the other person, nor because you are “owned” by your partner, but because you have made a choice regarding your current partnership. That choice makes it work the way you both choose to make it work, thus creating a certain kind of intimacy that you both want and which is impossible to create without that structure in the relationship. This is because for some people, monogamy helps them break through those inner barriers to intimacy by putting themselves in a position where they cannot run their avoidance games on the person with whom they are being intimate without eventually being called out on it; and as those barriers to intimacy break down, then they can actually be MORE intimate and MORE loving towards others, both sexually and non-sexually.

        Everything in life is a choice, and every choice engenders a cost, e.g. if you choose to go to China for your vacation, you cannot also go to Argentina in that same time frame. Sleeping with anyone and everyone is a choice, too, and the cost is the level and kind of intimacy that you have in your life. It is not hateful to make the choice that makes you most come alive, and if you truly loved everyone, you would WANT them to do whatever makes them come alive the most.

        With racial segregation, however, no white person ever said to a black person, “I would love to spend time with you, you lovely human being you, I just feel like you should only drink from that crappy fountain that’s next to the nice one. And the policeman over there with a gun agrees with me.” It just never happens like that.

        One of the problems I see with your position is that it attacks the very concept of consent. If in your world it is wrong to withhold consent from anyone who wants to sleep with me for any reason — and you have called every reason listed in this discussion “baloney” — then in your view I really don’t have the right to consent or not consent to a sexual overture, and that hardly seems like a healthy way to engage in human relations. What is your response to that?

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Hi Nathan,

        Thank you, I appreciate that comment and it gives us a lot to work with … so much that there might need to be another article.

        On the last point, I thought I had made this clear already. If not, let me make it extremely clear. I am not advocating force of any kind here. I am asking people to open their minds and hearts and voluntarily start facing their fear. For all of us, this is likely to involve some gradualism. What I take issue with is the continued perpetuation of monogamy as an ideal, without the commitment to do our radical forgiveness inner work which would NECESSARILY disappear monogamy forever. There is no way anyone who is systematically clearing out their own fear and limiting beliefs would ever WANT monogamy. So monogamy becomes a rug under which issues that need to be addressed are swept.

        As for monogamy being a system of oppression, that is exactly what it is. But to have an honest discussion of this, we need to look where those effects are. For example, the oppression of children. In a monogamous model, children are quite powerless as they only have the two parents to go to in case of injustice. And often only one because of the high rate of divorce. Only in the most extreme cases do children ever get removed from their families and then usually placed in equally precarious situations. This is because of the idolatry of the special relationship. The nuclear family is inherently co-dependent and extremely oppressive to everyone involved in it.

        And choosing monogamy is not a “private choice” that doesn’t affect everyone else. Please understand that in my model of the Universe, we simply cannot afford any longer for any of us to be pursuing private interests at the expense of our society as a whole. As soon as that couple puts the exclusive fence around their relationship and pursues private interests, they have separated from the whole and their so-called private interests are not ever going to be fully aligned with the highest good of anyone. If they were not pursuing private interests, there would be no reason to be exclusive. Why NOT share with everyone if you’re pursuing the highest good of society at large? These are discussions that again go deep into the impact of individual choices on the hologram and from my perspective are not easy to have here on the blog.

        Part of it here is I don’t believe in private choices. There is not one single choice anyone makes that doesn’t affect everyone. And while monogamous couples may indeed share some aspects of themselves with the world, which is certainly a step in the right direction … what you’re also not addressing at all is the huge FEAR can of worms being avoided by sexual segregation. From my perspective, every person on this planet is equally responsible for doing their inner work to remove their fear and judgments so we can all live in peace together. And monogamous couples are choosing by definition not to do that work by excluding others. It is not possible to clear all that fear out while avoiding it via exclusion. Again, really way too much to explain here.

        It’s like saying that someone can now declare the sunset off limits to me. The whole world belongs to me and to everyone. NOBODY and I mean nobody has the right to exclusive access to ANY of it. God gave it to us to be shared not hoarded.

      • “I am asking people to open their minds and hearts and voluntarily start facing their fear.”

        Great! I’ve been doing that actively and relentlessly for the last 22+ years, and while that has opened me up to a wide range of relationship configurations, monogamy has not dropped off the list.

        “What I take issue with is the continued perpetuation of monogamy as an ideal…”

        I am not putting monogamy up as an ideal, only as one option among many.

        “…without the commitment to do our radical forgiveness inner work which would NECESSARILY disappear monogamy forever. There is no way anyone who is systematically clearing out their own fear and limiting beliefs would ever WANT monogamy.”

        You keep saying things like this over and over again, without any actual evidence to back it up, and I am a living example of how wrong you are, as are all of the wonderful people in my life who go deeper into their process than most people even know is possible, and monogamy still works for them. This is why I think you’re just projecting your own beliefs onto others, especially because if anyone doesn’t agree with you, you just say or imply that they aren’t being honest with themselves. That is not only incredibly rude and disrespectful, but it also only serves to keep you from having to re-evaluate your own beliefs. It’s a deflection — if you can dismiss what anyone says as being dishonest if it does not conform to your beliefs, then how would you ever be able to learn something from them?

        “what you’re also not addressing at all is the huge FEAR can of worms being avoided by sexual segregation.”

        I think I have addressed this, when I said in a previous comment that monogamy (especially culturally enforced monogamy) CAN and often DOES come from a place of separation, and then again when I said that if all separation consciousness were removed from human relating, many people would choose not to be monogamous anymore. But it is not an absolute. The problem is not monogamy itself, but how people approach monogamy — the same as with polyamory.

        For my part, I haven’t seen you address what I’ve said several times about monogamy being a container for delving into greater intimacy. Properly done, monogamy is a means of confronting deep-seated fears and insecurities in a way that becomes much more difficult in a poly situation, even as poly offers its own challenges to one’s fears and insecurities.

        “It’s like saying that someone can now declare the sunset off limits to me.”

        That’s not really true. While we may not own any part of creation, we are and must be good stewards for the parts of creation that fall under our power of choice. Sunsets are not a part of creation that anyone stewards, but our bodies are. I am the steward of my body, not you, and it is inappropriate and represents exceedingly poor boundaries to assume that you have a right to my body. When I share my body, it is my obligation to do my best to do so in a way that is healthy for all involved, and that also honors the unique path that the Divine has created for me. It is not for you to decide what that should look like, anymore than it is for me to decide how you should share your body with others.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Hi Nathan,

        Just in case you didn’t see this on the other thread …

        Tonight I had this intuition that we could really get each other. Now I’m about to go off to bed again, feeling sleepy and barely eating or sleeping lately cuz of being very immersed in my passion here lol …

        Anyway, I have a favor to ask you. It won’t cost you any money and it will be a bit of your time, and I understand your time is valuable. So I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t have a strong intuition about it …

        Would you be willing to listen to and tap along to the 30-Day World Peace Challenge?

        I’ve made it available free on YouTube, and the link is here:

        I keep talking about the experiential. I would like to hear what comes alive for you tapping those videos …

      • I have responded to your request in the other thread. Here, I have to say that once again I am frustrated by the fact that after writing a long and detailed response to your last comment, you have not addressed anything that I’ve said. I would appreciate it if you would respond to my last comment. Thanks so much!

      • Hi Nathan, I can totally understand your frustration. I often want a response too when I put that much heart into writing something. I responded in the other thread. This is actually great practice for both of us with the deeper connection of poly, don’t you think lol? I need to turn my attention to some other pressing matters and I don’t want to respond in a glib or superficial way. Plus I feel like we could go back and forth forever the way we are going and that we’ll understand each other better by moving to more experiential ways of connecting through our healing work. That’s just what my intuition is saying. Open to hearing how that feels to you.

  82. Erika Awakening …bet many sickness also are involve in your Life .. I mean like HIV, and many that even using condom you can catch …. by the way …I being asexual for 12 years next april …

  83. Rebecca Lea says:

    I have yet to read an anti-monogamy article that doesn't sound like it's pressuring people to have sex with more people even if they don't want to. Monogamy being treated like it's the only option is a problem, the same way any way of life being treated as the only option is a problem. People who are aware of all options and choose to be monogamous, I don't see this as destroying world peace.

  84. Rebecca Lea says:

    If anything I think that polygyny and war are the chicken and the egg. Polygyny apologists claim that it started b/c so many men were being killed in war, yet in polygynous societies, there are angry displaced men that are easier to recruit into violence.

  85. James Minyard says:

    this is a nice thought exercise… i'd like to say that borders are erected not by people who want protection but rather by those that seek to control and exploit us. a minor point i know. thanks for giving us something to think about!

  86. Madison Dines says:

    Erika, I think you've got some very interesting and valuable perspectives here, and I appreciate the grace with which you're sharing them.

    I don't happen to agree with you, but I've got my own very nuanced perspective to share with you.

    And the root of it is simplicity.

    The quietness that the spirit feels best is in a place where running around reflecting doesn't happen much. And this is a place where intuition is also at its greatest. The benefit of monogamous relationships is that all the external emotional managment doesn't happen. You're not running around making every one of your intimate partners happy or validated. You're not managing their challenges. Your energy is focused and not being disrupted by more chaotic waves around you.

    If you find yourself in ceremony, particularly on a shamanistic level, you can really start to feel the benefits of simplicity. The spirit does its most challenging and rewarding healing in a place of energetic quiet.

    Having one single partner, particularly in a holy, functional relationship creates a cup containing all of which you're creating and working on. Everything deep is happening within that vessel. It makes the process of healing and resolving deep challenges much easier. Its the ease, the absolute trust you have with this other human that permit you to do so. There all of yourself, in all its depths can be revealed and explored.

    You exist within a million, billion, trillion different dimensions all at the same time. And so resolving that which is illusory is a process which happens again, and again, and again. Its not easy, and we're human beings so that we can experience it that way. When you blend deeply with other people in their dimensions, you pick up and leave karmic relationships in all corners of the universe. It can make separating and healing your parts very complicated. Its not to say impossible, just complicated.

    And all healing is painful. It happens in the deepest parts of yourself, and so the release of it is felt on a gut level. This is difficult and it can be debilitating. So having a relationship you've invested that much energy in is like a sacred temple for your soul to be healed. And you're fostering the exact same thing for them.

    And this is why a smorgasbord approach to healing won't pay off. You can never plumb the deepest depths of yourself in a place of great complexity. Your energy is too focused on surviving, you can't let parts go to have their own process.

    Granted I love to live that way, it's dynamic and powerful, but it doesn't give you a chance to stop and ponder.

    Now on a more important note, I will talk about children, because children are particularly impacted by complicated relationships.

    Children are not just a biological extension, but a karmic extension of their parents. DNA has a profoundly spiritual side to it which is only now being explored. Anyone who knows children can see that.

    But children are also very open. They're in a place where they need the world to start being progressively defined for them. Adulthood is the time for undoing that, once we know the rules well enough to play the game. But children care about what things mean. They want to know why. They have no reference point as far as what to expect from the world, and so they rely on you, as adults, to figure it out for them.

    So now we see why the parent relationship is such a big deal. Your children are the primary extension of your own karmas, and theirs as well. So nurturing a deeply enriching environment for them is about the most important thing you can do as a human being, once you become a parent.

    Where does polyamory come into this? Well, because kids are so impressionable, and their minds are laying down the foundation of their whole lives, trauma is very damaging and very confusing for them.

    "Well families can be really fucked up and that stuff happens all the time."

    True. But so can polyamorous relationships of all stripes.

    Relationships can be fucked up, all over the place.

    But in a polyamorous relationship, the karmas you're picking up from the people around you are being introduced into the sacred container of your family. And because your karmas become your childrens karmas, you're imposing more karma on your children.

    More challenges they have to deal with in adult life. More crappy things they've had to see. More burdens and freak outs they don't understand. All that baggage gets pounded deep into their subconscious minds, ready to come bubbling up all through life.

    I mean, to me all these things come together to make me think of relationships as profoundly sacred. A dutiful experience with a knowledge and willingness to make great sacrifice. An act of spiritual service, where the deepest rewards can be felt.

    And that kind of relationship requires the commitment to stick it out through thick, thin, and everything. Can you create that in a polyamorous relationship? Well, it's possible. But I don't think its probable.

    I have been uniquely gifted in my life to see what a successful marriage looks like, in my parents. These are two hard-assed, opinionated and bull-headed people. And they make it work, oh god do they do that. Sometimes they're screaming their fool heads off at each other. But all of the time they're creating with intention and love. They see their marriage as sacred, a total commitment. And that thought alone has carried them so far, its a wonder more people don't try it. If you've literally got to always make it work, make it better, make it stronger, it improves you, and it creates a powerful environment for your children to grow up in.

    And its really that. Its the simplicity. A firm ground underneath your feet. Event though we live in a world of illusion, we're still animals, and we're deeply tied to this world. On this plane if you fuck up, you die. So having a rock to place underneath yourself, and a sacred temple to call your home (even if its not a physical location) gives you the freedom to explore the Astral to your heart's content, and unravel the mysteries of yourself in such delightful, exquisite ways.

    Take care :)

  87. eyelean5280 says:

    There was no world peace before monogamy was the rule. Monogamy hasn’t been a world-wide phenomenon for more than a century, perhaps a century and a half. And in fact, in terms of ratio to human beings alive, the world is a more peaceful place now than it’s been in almost 10,000 years.

    The only war I know of that can be laid at monogamy’s feet is the Trojan War, and that’s according to a work of fiction. Troy, even if it was harboring a fugitive queen, also happened to control the region’s busiest waterway and wealthiest ports – what a coincidence!!! (History teacher here.)

    Erika, you seem to be good hearted and well intentioned but you are trying to take incredibly complex things like relationship structures and war and illness and make them very, very simple. The only way to do this is to entirely ignore the facts.

  88. Hi Erika,
    I was going to write something, but I think I’ll just take this in in silence first. Thank you for presenting a really juicy topic.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Thank Bruce, I love that … I’m doing that more and more now too. Often our knee-jerk reaction to something (like this article) is just an ego blindfold. So we may as well take a deep breath and be open to a new interpretation of what is going on …

  89. Åsta Martine Helena Desiree says:

    I support you 100% percent. For me the awakening was when I realised that in Our couple relationship, I let my happiness be dependent on my partner. And I thought that if he couldnt make me happy, I had to leave him and find someone that could. Realising that if I had needs he couldnt meet, and that I was responsible for my happiness brought the relationship to a different Level. Having children together makes it Natural to live together, also we love eachother, but I have included love for others also to be a part of my life. There is so much Peace and freedom in allowing love to flow, I can recommend it :-)

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Wonderful, Asta … thanks for sharing … reading your comment, I can feel the freedom and I can breathe so deeply into that freedom … awesome :)

  90. bran jovan says:

    How can you talk about monogamy vs polygamy when you obviously do not understand LOVE?

  91. Casian Holly says:

    You know, while there have been plenty of wars built around the ideas of jealousy and possessiveness, there have been even more based around the idea of "my way is the only right way" that you are just dripping of. Monogamy isn't the problem nor is non-monogamy the solution. Letting people live their own lives the way they choose is the solution.

  92. Gilbert Coers says:

    Interesting article and argumentation, Erika. I always wondered what love would have to do with exclusiveness, exlusivity, exclusion… Exclusion is the opposite of love. The word says it all.

  93. Maxim Skormin says:

    Dear Erica, it seems to me you have written this article with a particular agenda, as is my comment as well.
    I think a course in miracles very clearly explains the value and purpose of monagomous relationship. You indeed correct in general turns. If your are speeking of self realized humans, then monagomous relationship is not nessasery, but unfortunately who is…? I can assure you that self realized being would not be concerned with such questions all together.
    But for the rest of us on this planet, monagomous relationship is the only way to form a special relationship, essential to self realization. It may be not perfect, but a must. There can be some individuals, who are capable to truly love more than one person, but I Have Never met such a person. We have difficulty enough doing it within a couple. Therefore, I ask you more carefully study the course and retract your article, or publish it with better explanation, for, as it is now, it would rob many people of a far chance for happiness and possibility of self realization. You know the devil loves quoting bible, but usually not to the benefit of the reader.

  94. Dear Erika
    “World Peace Will Never Happen As Long As We Cling to Monogamy”
    is a belief system also. Love is not special, sex is not special, and should never be…I love my daughter, my boyfriend, my mother etc. in different ways and yes the enlightened masters may love every being because of their knowing that we are all one. How could a master fight/hate/destroy himself?
    World Peace Will Never Happen As Long As We…don’t remember that we are all brothers and sisters, that we are all one. It has nothing to do with sex or monogamy. At that state of enlightened mind it will always be a FREE choice whether I want to be in a relationship with one person or not. This relationship/relationships will always be based on love, esteem, acceptance and freedom.
    But we (people) still have huge egos, still lie to ourselves and others and are still far away from that enlightened state. The choice to be in a relationship is for the most of humanity not a free choice. It is mostly based on fear.
    Living in a polygamous relationship says NOTHING about persons state of awareness and his/her ability to love!!!!!!
    Erika, what about your acceptance? Can you accept that for some (or many) people the monogamy or even celibacy are the ways to enlightenment and not to war and disease? Can you? If not than ask YOUR ego why is it fighting monogamy and people who believe it to be the right way for them.
    Thank you

  95. Bethany Wilson says:

    I think that it is strange that you would say that I am selfish because I can not share my body with everyone… Comparing my sex life is racism is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I slept around in my younger days and it was full of emptiness and nothing. When I met my husband we had a deeper connection and a deep love for each other and my desire to sleep with anyone else vanished. It is not a prison keeping us trapped in a cage, it is a gift. I have had the deepest most meaningful sex of my life with him. Don't misjudge your youthful horny-ness for a lack of monogamy. Just because you have not found it does not make it evil or fake. When I met him marriage wasn't even high enough, I wanted more than marriage. We both did. Take it from someone who has lived both lifestyles, It is not a good feeling. However, monogamy can not be forced and that is where the problem lies. It is not monogamy that is the problem. It is religious ideals and principals that are. The idea that you need to marry someone to sleep with them or that once you pick someone that they are the only person you can sleep with causes cheating, jealousy, and negativity! Do not mistake religious ideas for sexual preference.

  96. So what about people who are A-sexual and not by choice can they not experience oneness? Are A-sexual people evil, smh.

  97. interesting but Erica is wrong about only sick bodies have sick minds. Some amazing conscious people have bad bodies. Was it Karma from past life? lol

  98. Hi Erika,

    Wow firstly can I ask if you have children of your own? The article you have written comes across to me as a construct of your own belief system (and that is the only one we have exclusively to ourselves). I tend to think of my monogamous relationship with my wife as a choice, I choose to be in this situation firstly by a deep infatuation with another and then secondly through the creation of our miracles together exclusively (children). We share ourselves with the world and our children with the world. But not sexually. The other blog you have spoken about repression of children’s sexuality due to their relationship with their mother and father. Personally I would think of that for my own children as their safety until their minds have developed through adolescents. Anyway there isn’t much science coming through your article, as a primary teacher all the evidence of educational outcomes and personal well being of children is that they tend to do better with emotional well being and educational outcomes from having both a Mother and a Father in the same house giving them love and support. I agree there are all kinds of terrible things humans do however I am not sure that monogamy is to blame do you see all the bird species who at least 95% are monogamous going to war? I see monogamy as a product of the natural world in which we live in the construct that loving parents want to do everything they can to raise their children and this tends to work better together. Sorry if I missed the point completely but the analysis on yourself tends to be diluted once you have other life that depend on you.

  99. Padma Drago says:

    Erika should make the distinction between sexual bonding and love itself. Engaging in sexual relations unleashes the power of the lower chakras, including their propensities for negative emotions, which should be channelled up to the higher chakras. If one shares lower energies with too many people, one rolls in the dirt like a pig.
    When that flow is chanelled upward and out from the heart, then one can love everybody, flowing in love-bliss, without any need for sexual relations.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Everyone,

      Welcome to the blog.

      People wonder why I say monogamy is based in fear and hate, and then we get comments like this “If one shares lower energies with too many people, one rolls in the dirt like a pig.”

      To me, this is pretty self-explanatory. Monogamy is based in fear and hate. It’s very much like racial segregation.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Not to mention the hatred toward pigs. Pigs are amazing beautiful intelligent creatures and it is absolutely horrifying that we butcher them. And people wonder why I’m writing articles like this. I’m feeling really weary of living in a world of this kind of bigotry. Really weary of it.

      • Liliam Ruiz says:

        It is simply your opinion, and not necessarily others opinion. It is very arrogant and spiritually immature to assume that what you think is the fact and what others think isn’t. That’s why the world in such chaos, everyone thinking they are right and not listening and respecting others ways of life. I have seen the same intensity on defending an issue from people arguing that other people’s religion is wrong. Same extremist ideal. I learn about life based on my own experiences and I know that monogamy is a wonderful thing when it is based on the divine love. I know that myself very well, so no you or any other article like this can make me change my mind about it. I know it from myself and the testimony of others. So your opinion, is simply your opinion, not the majority.

  100. Erika Awakening says:

    Welcome everyone to the blog … I am doing my best to keep up with all the wonderful comments and falling a bit behind… I so appreciate everyone sharing your perspective and I’ll do my best to respond to some more comments shortly … thank you :)

  101. Liliam Ruiz says:

    How sad to read article like this. This article is a big example of what it is wrong with this world. So because something doesn’t work for you it doesn’t means it doesn’t work for others. Who are you to decide what it is good or not for the majority of people? Many people are happy, genuinely happy with the Shakti-Shiva union, and there is nothing wrong with it. The tone of your article is far from loving and compassionate, and it is not based in deep analogy, it just sound like someone lashing out. Sad and a waste of my reading time. If it works for you, well, I am happy for you, but let people decide what it is best for them. You are also in your learning process and I guess that in 10 or 15 years time, you probably wont feel the same about it, because we evolve, and I hope you do. So when you want to raise an argument, I hope you learn to do it with more peaceful and respectful manner towards the people who think different to you.

  102. Kerry Kydd says:

    What a load of pish! After sowing your seed, seeing the world and having your fun in your youth. You fall in love and settle doon wie one person. You cant be arsed wie other people, other emotions, other situations that surround "playing around". You grow old, and just want an easy life wie one person, bringing up kids and growing old disgracefully together. Sometimes, a wee bit of temptation comes in, if you do, you do, its only nature, if you dont, well your love for that person is stronger than your instinct.

  103. hi erika and all,
    perhaps the universe bought us here, so that you are able to get a different perspective. being rite and another being wrong is a win lose situation, creating separation…win win solutions create togetherness…monogamy is able to be sensed as a lot of love beaming from the pair, when around them and in what they create for the world…one has a choice to be glad they are this way and feel included in such love…or be jealous, envious or feel excluded …what would one choice the later for?…are you aware that the happiest children are from loving couples…are you aware that most of the light being bought onto our planet are from loving couples…to make statements that feel true we need to look at all sides first each as much amount of time as the other…the book was written by a human…humans also make mistakes especially in such a volume…it is said by?…those who have no doubt and are 100% correct are unhealthy…those that have some doubt are healthy…lets all try and keep a healthy and win win mind and heart <3

  104. Claudia Aff says:

    I am in a non-monogamous relationship. Hes not married, doesnt have a girlfriend, he just loves women. I am a cautious person when it comes to protecting myself. I enjoy the time we spend together. A week, give or take, a month. He lives 4 hours away. I like it like that. I get my cuddling, etc, and my male company and then I can go home from his orderly world to my chaotic one.
    We both know we are not each others soul mates but we enjoy each others company and really the time we spend together is enough.
    I dont expect people to understand. And I suppose some people will think this means Im settling or that I have low self esteem. Which neither are true but I dont expect people to understand. It works for me and I am very happy.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Claudia, thanks for sharing … I’ve heard the “low self-esteem” card pulled in all kinds of silly situations where people are really just departing from conventional wisdom … I love the line from A Course in Miracles that says “Walk lightly past their meaningless persuasion.” Welcome to the blog :)

  105. Erika…dont write .

  106. Priscilla Grace Layman says:

    I love this!

  107. Thanks Nathan Whiteside for expressing so clearly and heart-felt, beautiful.

  108. Blake Lightning says:

    Steaming pile of words… yawn.

  109. Lady January says:

    Are you married Erika Awakening? Do you realize that you just equated monogamy with racism? Are you kidding me? Do yourself a favor and stop talking. You clearly have no clue what to say about marriage because you either ruined yours or have no intention of getting a husband. This article is insane.

  110. How do you feel about monogamy now? for me it is all about “why” we do the things we do. If we are wanting poly to appease our out of control desires and feed our pain bodies, and fear of being alone or abandonment issues, to me that doesn’t feel right. But if someone can truly love more than one person at a time and has that much energy to share, more power to them, awesome. For me, I have a limited amount of energy to spread throughout my life and I like it to balanced, and I also like to test my ability for self discipline. Of course diving into every scrumptious piece of cake that is out there sounds super nice and exciting, but I know enough now that it only keeps me wanting more and sends me into a tailspin of confusion. So then again, I agree that the world is a product of what you believe. So in all fairness both polyamory and monogamy are illusions, because we are each the dreamer dreaming our own dream. If we choose to live a monogamous dream or polyamourous dream that is our choice. As far as segregation, everyone is free to live their life as they wish, this is free will. Be segregated if you are a lone wolf or join the pack, also your choice. I don’t think there are any right or wrong answers we are ALL right for our own lives and free will. So anyone tries to tell you different tell em’ to step off! freedom of choice, thought and will, may it reign forever, live and let live peeeeps!

    • Why do you believe you are limited, Natalie?

      Before my near-death experience, I felt like I was at maximum capacity with my time. I could not possibly take on anything more. Then I almost died, and realized I was just BS-ing myself. Later I started a six figure business on the side while still working a full time day job. That’s how much my “time” expanded.

      Energy and money work the same way …

      In my experience, monogamy is always based on fear, and time or energy is just an excuse for perpetuating the fear.

      And as with eating meat, we cannot continue to perpetuate fearful illusions even if they are just illusions if we want to heal the planet.

      Did you see this article? It talks about the time/energy issue –

      And by the way, thank you for your contribution to the conversation :)

  111. Marnia Robinson says:

    Thank you for writing this article. This is a far more important topic than most Course students realize.
    I'm curious. Have you actually asked the Holy Spirit if your interpretation of ACIM is correct when it comes to monogamy? Or have you relied on the usual Course experts?
    Quite often, Course students finally grasp the poison of the Course's "special relationship" and think they've understood the whole book. They never integrate the "holy relationship" (or they ignore the bits they can't fit into their newly understood model – such as "the holy relationship is our father's plan, the gates of heaven are entered 2-by-2, the perception of the mind is healed by learning to use the body differently, and so forth). And they never think to ask Spirit how those two seemingly-contradictory concepts might be reconciled.
    When I spent years asking, I got a very interesting answer. It didn't zero in on "monogamy" as the problem, as you, and many Course gurus do. It zeroed in on how conventional sexual relationships create a subconscious sense of lack – due to our mating biology. And it pointed to a quite different solution than avoiding monogamy: a way to approach sex such that it doesn't create that subconscious sense of lack, which gives rise to the ego.
    When you have time, have a look at the articles below. Before you reply, also spend some time asking the Holy Spirit what it thinks about the concepts set forth. I'd be really interested in what you "get."

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Marnia,

      I do not rely on any Course gurus, as I have found their interpretations to be quite untrue to the book itself. I study the book directly every day and have been doing so since 2007.

      Monogamy cannot be squared in any way, shape, or form with the actual text of A Course in Miracles. It is simply a dishonest reading of the book. Not that you have to give up monogamy this second, just that we need to be honest that monogamy is NOT in alignment with the Course.

      I can cite you passage after passage after passage that makes this clear. The entire Course makes clear that nothing can be holy when it is unshared. And that necessarily includes sex because the Course makes NO exceptions.

      Here is one passage for starters:

      “It is sure that those who select certain ones as partners in any aspect of living, and use them for any purpose which they would not share with others, are trying to live with guilt rather than die of it. This is the choice they see. And love, to them, is only an escape from death. They seek it desperately, but not in the peace in which it would gladly come quietly to them. And when they find the fear of death is still upon them, the love relationship loses the illusion that it is what it is not. When the barricades against it are broken, fear rushes in and hatred triumphs.”

  112. Wikipedia states, “According to the Ethnographic Atlas, of 1,231 societies from around the world noted, 186 were monogamous; 453 had occasional polygyny; 588 had more frequent polygyny; and 4 had polyandry.” Also, “17.8% (100) of 563 societies sampled in Murdock’s Atlas of World Cultures has any form of monogamy. [However] These societies with monogamy account for much larger than 17.8% of the World population.” So monogamy is the exception in human society, not the rule. And historically speaking, monogamy is a very recent development in human history. “Genetic studies show that monogamy evolved less than 10 to 20,000 years ago.” Before monogamy evolved, most cultures were polygamous with alpha males having large harems of women (slaves) and all the other males (slaves) did not contribute to the gene pool. Monogamy likely evolved as a means for sharing resources and raising children. Most bird species are socially monogamous for these same reasons.

    Taking into account how very new monogamy is in human culture (and how very old war is), I’d have to disagree with you that it absolutely bars world peace. War has been taking place since the dawn of man, and monogamy was not it’s cause. Rather than seeing monogamous mindsets as the root of the separateness, you may consider that the separateness existed long before the monogamy arose as a fractal reflection of that separateness.

    And hey, separation is not inherently bad. There are stars and there are black holes. If we were to abolish the event horizon that separates them, who knows what fate would befall the universe?! I believe the paradox we humans need to master is learning to see the oneness in the separation. Looking at a snow covered mountain and appreciating it for each snowflake. For they are all different, and unique, and absolutely necessary. So if you prefer polygamy or polyamory or Poly Anna, that’s great! Some people prefer monogamy. Respecting and loving people as they are, however they choose to live and love, just might bring world peace.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      The Universe will disappear bit by bit as duality is collapsed … yes … but first it will become a place of laughter instead of tears, a place of peace instead of violence, a place of perfect health instead of sickness, and a place of eternal life instead of death … and I for one am pretty darn excited about seeing its perfection :)

  113. Bruce Bartlett says:

    Erika Awakening would you please provide the link for your blog?

  114. Nathan Whiteside says:

    Dusty Thorstenson Thanks! Just trying to keep a balanced perspective over here… ;)

  115. Bruce Bartlett says:

    Brilliant unpacking of underlying beliefs creating monogamy. The Beast's name is Patriarchy. Very few of the commenters got this unstated element. If we were able to start our lives in a world where men & women were peers and we all had sexual sovereignty, these issues would largely resolve themselves.

  116. Bruce Bartlett Hi Bruce, yes the link for this article is here – … We've already covered a lot of ground in the comments section so I would appreciate if everyone will read both the article and the comments before chiming in … thank you and we look forward to hearing your perspective :)

  117. I can’t say how this resonates the hell out of my being. I just feel suffocated with the idea of the nuclear family, one person forever. I’m married and I care for my partner very much, but I’m not in love but I love him, and I have been carrying that around for years. Expressing sexuality with others to me is more “relating”, exchanging, not the sexuality that is seeped and hidden in fears, where it become an addiction. I find myself wanting to be free, the ideals of this society doesn’t work. I greatly appreciating you being a brave voice to even put this out here. It seems we have rites to this primal practice that has been alive forever. I am not property, as a woman I want to move freely to sensually discover new experiences. If “we” were to incorporate a fraction of these ideas, we’d be healthier over all.

    • Windly, I get that, thks for sharing, Phillip

    • These words were written in a time of frustration, and sometimes the answers can lie in the question.

      What I did do was end up showing my words/this post to my partner, and it opened up a huge healthy dialogue.

      I appreciate points of views that appear radical, that shake the norm and get you to ask questions, and can be the grind that begins the cracking and shedding of old stagnate ideals and beliefs that just don’t work.

      As far a monogamy, for now it works, and you can indeed begin to fall in love with the person that you thought you knew, everything is possible. Every individual is at their own destination in their unique journeys, and as a previous reader stated, if you have the excess energy to expend to share energy with, then by all means do your thing.

      As I choose to embrace the renewed sense in my relationship, their are many, many levels to a human being. And this intense post, sparked the entrance into another cave within the facets of intricate systems that live within all of us.

      I can explore my sexuality within the realm of marriage, freely, safely and with beauty. I attempted removal of this post both by myself and asking the author, but it is out of my hands.

      I do thank you for opening a large and much needed intimate conversation. Goodbye.

  118. Bewilder Ness says:

    Talking down to your audience is not the best way to get them on board with your concepts. The author seems more full of hate and separation than monogamy could ever cause.

  119. Dusty Thorstenson says:

    Nathan, I enjoyed your conversation with E in the comments she mentions. Skimming the comments was enlightening. :-)

  120. Dusty Thorstenson says:

    Um. No. Sorry…monogamy is a choice which can and does serve some good purposes for some people…and by declaring it a Bad Thing…you are trying to impose your beliefs on others? That, perhaps, also makes your beliefs into unnecessarily limiting beliefs, as they affect how you, also, see the world? Others may freely choose to be monogamous or not…or celibate or not…else you yourself are being unnecessarily disharmonious while believing the opposite, perhaps? One must respect and love oneself enough to say NO, also, when someone wishes them to do what is not right in that time, for whatever reasons, for oneself. The questions, by the way, are for you, as you may someday wish to contemplate them. Or not. It was a somewhat interesting read…some interesting concepts. Will I buy the book? Well, probably not. I'd find some things/thoughts in it worthwhile, most likely, for further contemplation, though I might reach an opinion different from those expressed (whatever they might be), which can also be valuable. However, I don't think you have discovered the magic potion to fix the world yet, either. If I'm incorrect about that, well, I imagine it will crop up again in my world for further thought in future.

  121. I think its important to hold the complexity of relative and ultimate reality- on an ultimate reality perspective, im making love with god, and god is everything and everyone and there is no separation. love it. want to live that as fully as possible.

    even so. I am really not interested in sexing up the crack head walking down the street. no judgement of right or wrong. I can learn to merge even with that which I might find repulsive and totally unhealthy (and yes i have experience of hooking up with people who took drugs without my knowing, and to be frank i could feel it deep- it was really intense and i wouldn’t want to do that again). Id rather learn to be able to love that energy, heal with it ect- when its not in my yoni.

    from an nvc persepcitve, we are usuing our sexual practice as a strategy. needs and values: for me being with one man meets multiple needs for intimacy, connection, trust and love. simplicity. effectiveness. I find that connecting sexually with multiple people meets other needs- maybe for diversity, adventure, also connection and growth. my needs for safety, stability ect have not been met. I think with both practices there might be met needs and unmet needs. in either case, for healthy living we might use other strategies to get those needs met. In my monogomous relationship I have other ways of getting the needs met i might have met in a poly relational style. It works better for me.

    what is a fire for me, and one of the reasons i am so engaged in this conversation, is that overall the tone of the article didn’t meet my own need for inclusion in my love/life style. I have a need for acceptance, acknowledgment, appreciation and mutual understanding. I yearn for that with all the teachings that I engage in, and whats true is that much of what was said in the original article I interpreted as filled with fear, anger, judgement, and blame. When I imagined that I felt sad because I want to be understood.

    does that make sense? there is an assumption being made that I am imprisoned by monogomy, when in fact I experience the opposite. I would just love for the discussion to be inclusive of all ways of giving and receiving love as valid. After all, at the root of it is LOVE! we are all trying to get that need met. Id love an article which focuses on how to share more love, rather than (my interpretation) shaming those who love in the style that is opposite from your own. I consider this as diviciveness, and I want more love than this.

    more love please?

    • Erika Awakening says:


      I so appreciate your engagement here because we are unearthing the core issues that everyone has beneath the level of conscious awareness so it’s really feeling good to get them all out there.

      And here we come to the rub. Maybe you can help me. I hear you that you want all views to be included. Yet that would not allow world peace ever to happen. We can include all people in the discussion. We cannot include all views. Because some views like the ones behind genocide and violence and war – preclude world peace. And monogamy is one of those views.

      You know how Marshall said sometimes we have to say “bullshit in giraffe.” I don’t want to create a disconnection by saying bullshit in giraffe but some of what you are expressing in the guise of needs is simply fear and judgment.

      I’m not asking you to go out and have sex with the crack addict. What I’m asking all of us to do is understand that the crack addict is a reflection of our own fear and judgment. If our response is to exclude the crack addict, that person never gets healed. If our aspiration at least is to include the crack addict, and transform the yucky energies that are creating that distortion of perception … then the crack addict becomes transformed into someone we’d glad invite into our home and our intimacy …

      Do you see where I’m going with this?

      • Erika Awakening says:

        “I was a stranger and you took me in, not knowing who I was. Yet for your gift of lilies you will know. In your forgiveness of this stranger, alien to you and yet your ancient Friend, lies his release and your redemption with him.”

  122. Marya Stark says:

    Erika, thanks for taking the time to write an article about something that you feel is important to the health and well being of people.

    I respectfully disagree however with much of what I read in this article. I do not bleieve that monogomy is related to war as a fixed thing. I think that, like you said, people's ignorant desire (in the case of jealousy) has lead to killing, and yes this is true. So has ignorant greed for money, or ignorant desire for anything in the material plane. The issue seems to be more with ignorance than anything else.

    I have been in a truly inspiring, growthful, kind and loving monogomous relationship for many years. I experience my relationship practice of monogomy to be a source of great freedom and liberation in my psyche, and an offering which inspires many people in our community. I feel that channeling my sexual energy through a closed container of monogomy is a healthy choice for me personally, and while it may not be my initial primal instinctual choice (I think on an animalistic level we are surely all very polyamourous), it is a choice i make very intentionally to support my spiritual practice and that of my lover. I find that inside of a container of monogomy i feel grounded and have lots of energy to give to my projects of passion to create more light in this world, and he does as well. Our relationship is very intentional and is a vehicle for great love, light and peace

    I think for some cultures, there is a basis of fear that is perpetuated by choiceless and loveless marriage, and I would love to see a great healing and awareness around these constructs. However, I do think that for many, monogamy is a healthy, vibrant lifestyle.


    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Marya,

      Yes, with all due respect, I’m not buying it. I don’t appreciate being excluded from other people’s relationships. It does not feel loving to me. I find the idea of exclusive possession of another human being’s sexuality to be quite offensive.

      That said, I don’t live in perfect alignment myself yet. For me right now, what is important is being honest about where things are out of alignment. So that they can be corrected instead of perpetuated.

      I still appreciate you chiming in to the conversation. Thanks for stopping by :)

      • Erika

        I can relate to the feeling of wanting inclusion, and the value of sharing love. These are important to me as well. I actually feel that because of my relationship style I am able to share more love and include more people in my own understanding of my sexuality and energetic practice. I know that this is true for my partner as well, as we talk about it on a regular basis.

        I don’t feel in any way that I ‘possess’ my partners sexuality, or any other aspect of his beautiful sovereign beingness. His sexuality is a gift, as is mine, and we consentually agree to share it with eachother as an offering of our devotion to each others awakening through sexual bliss.

        I wonder about the perspective that I am reading of you mentioning feeling excluded inside of two people offering a gift to one another. If someone chooses not to sleep with you, are you excluded from their sexuality? Even if I were in an active cycle of sexual polamory, there would still be many billions of people with whom i would NOT be sharing my sexual energy with. Are they excluded? Are you excluding people you don’t run sexual energy with? Maybe. Is that offensive?

        What offense to you take to people choosing devotion? I would love some clarity on your perspective

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Hi Marya,

        I appreciate your compassionate response and sincere curiosity. I also appreciate that you and many of us are learning to share in all sorts of ways on this planet. For me, it was a huge leap to start sharing pretty much all my thoughts publicly for example. I used to believe in “privacy” and then eventually I realized that privacy has no value. As we all get out of our comfort zones, we are many of us discovering that this sharing feels wonderful and liberating.

        I come from the perspective of a holistic understanding of belief systems. And everything you wrote being so compassionate and expansive, for me it leaves a nagging question – what are the beliefs behind excluding sex itself from that love and expansion? There are in my experience lots of secret separation beliefs that cause people to treat sex as “special” and unlike all the other things that we willingly share. And those separation beliefs are causing all the ills that we have been discussing in depth on this comments thread.

        So why is sex special? Why not expand there as with all the other areas you described?

      • Hey Erika

        Thanks for playing total transparancy on your site. It is a bold and brave game, and I enjoy the willingness to do so.

        I share an interest in holistic understanding of belief systems, and do my best to dismantle them as they do not serve. From a certain perspective, one could really say that all belief systems are limiting on some level by their very nature ect. this could really get into the mind chasing its tail, and i see the value in these leaps towards dissolving all that stands in the way of ultimate truth.

        I have come to understand that belief systems have functions, and being aware of this i like to take a look at them with care. The belief that sexuality is ‘sacred’ or ‘special’ for me functions in a way that feels self-compassionate. The energetic practices involved with sexual yoga can purify lots of energy, and that for many people in our culture can be a very vulnerable experience, once that can unwind the nervous system from deep seeded trauma, from multiple lives even ect ect.

        As I have experienced that sexual energy is such a potent and powerful force to be reckoned with, a great creative fire with unlimited potential, my practice with my own sexual energy is to explore and create with it inside of a cauldron with my chosen yoga partner. We have built a trust and lovcing foundation that has allowed my nervous system and womb to fully flower in ways that it didnt when i was more open with my sexual expression, sharing with multiple people. I have the direct experience of the energy burning brighter, and fueling, enriching, and enlivening my gifts of expression to share with everyone.

        I guess I am coming to understand my own sexual embodiment as a journey to offer my deepest sexual rapture as a gift to every moment, as perhaps it is the ultimate expression of love. Why even need the act itself?

        I think that polyamory can totally work, and I am not opposed to it as a practice. I think that it takes a high level of construct awareness, perspective taking, communication skills, and potentially processing with the many people. I see that as a path it could be extremely growthful.

        I guess whats alive for me is sharing love like sharing music. it can be seen as the difference between being in multiple bands, a jam artist, being in 1 epic band, and having a drum circle. I like to do it all. Some times there is a place for sharing music with anyone and everyone. Theres a time to learn many peoples songs and join with many bands on stage and rock out (though it might not be as tight as the well refined and rehearsed offering of total devotion to one project.)

        When I devot myself to one musical project, its not because I don’t LOVE playing music with others, its that the muse is calling me to deeply dive into the more subtle refinements of music that can be made when I focus on the one. It takes up time to be in multiple projects, none of them may ever reach the level of refinement or subtle transmission awareness that is possible with total focus.

        just some thoughts. appreciate the questions. love to explore beliefs around sex.

        another belief around sex that I have functioning is that there is a karma exchange that happens when two bodies untie in orgasmic bliss. I am choosing to be more and more refined with whom I exchange energy with on such a core level. It feels the simplest to choose my mate soley, thus giving more attention and energy availble for the service projects which I’m committed to. Less time spent processing someone merging energy fields.

        again, beliefs that are functioning

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Oh my Marya, thank you for sharing so generously of yourself in that post :)

        There are so many themes in there that I wonder if some may not be better explored in another article, as several of them dovetail with the questions that ART asked earlier in the comments thread (I don’t know if you saw it – really wonderful questions that can help us harmonize all the values being discussed here).

        It’s in your very last paragraph that we see the beliefs showing up that I always see in people choosing exclusivity, and I see them really as limitations.

        Yes, we are all living in some time/space limitations unless we are not in human form anymore. Yet my philosophy is about letting go of those restrictions not keeping them.

        So to the extent we are being “more and more refined,” we need to be very very careful not to be “excluding” parts of our Self, which we necessarily are doing when we choose exclusivity. By definition.

        I have written about it elsewhere. Yes, we are in an expansion dance, and we may choose to pull back a little sometimes if we feel overwhelmed. Yet to avoid anything, including other people’s energy fields, only means we leave large swaths of the planet unhealed. Avoidance never solves anything. We are not here on the planet to create little isolated “heavens” apart from others because Heaven cannot exist apart from others. It exists only in joining. Instead of avoidance, we must exclude nothing and transform everything.

        It’s not that I don’t have any gradualism in my work. I get that we are not going to suddenly start having sex with everyone right now. Yet as soon as we draw that boundary of exclusivity, we are reinforcing the separation belief that is responsible for all death, disease, lack, and exclusion on this planet.

        Why not instead always be opening, and even where we are still excluding, find the fears and transform them? Time has no purpose other than this. No time was ever wasted on merging energy fields. Merging energy fields is what healing is …

      • Erika Awakening says:

        I’m sincerely not trying to be offensive when I say this, just honest.

        Racial segregation was essentially rationalized the same way. I don’t want to get too close to “those people.” I want to hang out with the “refined” people. We really need to be very careful about these sort of beliefs, as they are full of judgment and fear. I am not putting myself above you in any way. Do I want to go out and have sex with just anyone on the street right now? Not really. Yet I recognize this cannot just stay this way. Every person I want to stay away from is some form of not loving myself. All of that must be transformed until love and sex are totally unspecial.

  123. Gabriel Medina says:

    I believed this all my life when i was very young i used to question everything weve been thought seeing my parents to fight all the time it really affected me and i had to overcome so many stuff never liked to play the role of the victim so i started to investigate, to read and learn from other experiences,i do understand that monogamy and other belief systems are all about possession and submission from the supposed stronger one to the weaker one, in any case we have seen in all over the world a raise in divorces,child abuse, and domestic violence based on a foundation was more preconceived and pushed specially from my point of view from religions like the Catholic where i come from but i dont agree or practice anymore, i feel so light now that i dont practice that system of beliefs and i can agree with you in all this article because i believe we are free beings and society must be organized in other ways with a higher vision and dont put any other part down, many women are brutally abused through this system and many men too, people look at me like im crazy because my open approach to this and other subjects im still learning,i just know, we have to care for one another in deep respect of everyone needs and ways to fulfill a more spiritual life and vision,i love the articles you write even some consider or may consider radical have so much truth on their lines, i have downloaded that book course of miracles i have to read it very soon, thank you again for sharing all this valuable information with us, i am looking forward to read more of your articles, peace love and light to your heart Namaste!!!

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Yes Gabriel … exactly YES … thanks for sharing your experience authentically. The evidence that special relationships are built on hate is everywhere in the forms you described. Yet so often we see this evidence being “explained away” and the individual people being pathologized instead of questioning the system itself. Thank you so much for joining the conversation.

  124. Hello Erika, you said:

    “…If love is “special,” then Germans can be loved and Jews hated. If love is “special,” then we can lie to ourselves and rationalize that animals don’t deserve the same protection as humans…”

    I guess this is (or at least should be) obvious to everyone. If love is not given to everybody in ‘equal amounts’, it’s not really LOVE, but just ‘preferences’, or ‘personal taste’. If one ‘loves’ person A more than person B, this would be a sure hint that it’s not really LOVE, but just an ‘egotistical preference’ or such.

    I think the problem many people have with your statements lies more in the ‘body-issue’.
    You probably should explain more what EXACTLY your statements mean in context with our bodies:

    – What SPECIFICALLY should we do if somebody wants to have sex with us but we don’t find them attractive?

    – What CONCRETELY do you recommend if we live in a polyamory relationship with 2 other people and we find that we feel more love for the one partner than to the other?

    – How do you INDIVIDUALLY react if you get some proposal for marriage, but you don’t specifically like the man in question?
    What if you are offered a threesome? (Which I understand happened on your Costa Rica trip.)
    Do you accept? If not, why not? If not, why not although you claim that monogamy means exclusion and hate?

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Wow thank you Art – I feel delighted by your comment – because it allows us to go much DEEPER with this conversation. And yes, those are all very very good questions.

      The short answer is that the world must be forgiven and THEN understood. Instead of excluding what we don’t like, we must transform it …

      They are such good questions though that I wonder if it might not be better to write a new article addressing them …

      From my heart, thank you :)

  125. The Meeting Guy says:

    This was confusing to me energetically. Distasteful. It's so far off, I'm suspicious about the author's motives behind writing it. Shock? Anyway.. not close to my reality at all.

  126. Nathan Whiteside says:

    Erika Awakening

    (Cross posted in the comments section)

    Thank you for your reply, and for not taking my comment personally. I will continue to be blunt with you, but not out of any lack of respect or love for you — I am actually the most blunt with those I respect the most.

    That being said, I have some more constructive criticism to throw your way. My first bit of criticism is that I don’t really know what you’re trying to say in your response. You haven’t really addressed any of the points I made. And what is the third way that you are speaking of?

    Second, you say that “exclusion through monogamy… cannot be anything other than hatred.” I most fervently disagree with you here. That’s like Ricky Bobby saying in “Talladega Nights,” “If you’re not first, you’re last!” or President Bush (and the Sith Lords) saying, “If you’re not with me, you’re against me.” This is incredibly black-and-white thinking without any nuance whatsoever. What evidence do you have for such a statement, aside from spurious connections to Nazi concentration camps? For my part, I have not observed any correlation between monogamy and increased hatefulness, nor a correlation between polyamory and enlightened relating to others. People bring their baggage to each, and each just creates a different kind of container for the relationship, and is neither inherently better or worse than the other. If you can provide any evidence to the contrary, I am happy to hear it.

    Next, you provide a link to another of your articles in which you cite dismantling the Oedipus complex as the key to world peace. It is hard for me to take such a notion seriously given that the idea of the complex itself has been largely discredited (along with almost all of Freud’s work, aside from the value of talking things through), and all that’s still adhered to by a marginal few is something that doesn’t even contain an element of violence. It’s also hard to see what you’re really advocating there — that children be included in their parents’ sexual relationship, like a triad?

    Finally, your language is so full of hyperbole, judgment, and self-righteousness that I have to wonder how much of your own separation consciousness you’ve actually worked through, or more importantly how much is still left for you to work through. It seems similar to someone who decides to become a vegetarian, but then takes all of their bad eating habits (aside from meat) with them into their vegetarianism, such as eating Doritos for dinner. By delving into the Course of Miracles you seem to have shifted your consciousness in some significant ways, but you’ve dragged a bunch of unresolved baggage with you, which is now even harder for you to see because you’ve dressed it up as somehow more enlightened than everyone else.

    So, those are my honest, unvarnished opinions. Whether you agree or disagree, I hope they provoke some thought for you.


  127. Martina Hillenbach says:

    Strange article! There is a lot of talking about sex, but written in a way that doesn't show much love or compassion. I conclude, sleeping with a lot of people doesn't really help to get over separation. I at least do not feel very close to her.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Martina, how are you doing today? It’s okay to talk to me directly rather than in the third person lol :) It would feel much better. As I mentioned to our other commentators today, many people see only two paths here: monogamy (which is a form of exclusion, which is always hate), or disconnected promiscuity (which is another way of avoiding fear). I am not advocating either one. We are creating a third path here where we can move toward greater intimacy with EVERYONE by consciously stripping away our fears and judgments about other people. Once we have removed the fear, we no longer have any desire to separate from others through monogamy or other forms of disconnection. Because we begin to see other people as part of ourselves. Does any of that resonate with you?

  128. Nathan Whiteside says:

    I have to be painfully blunt — this is a terrible article. The author conflates many different concepts in ways that show a lack of any true understanding.

    For example, in her first point he states that monogamy is based on separation and exclusivity, but by that standard there is no one that a person should refuse to sleep with. If I am not attracted to you, does that mean that I hate you? I don't think so. Personally, I don't have to sleep with someone just to feel connected to them.

    What she's doing is conflating the transcendence of separation consciousness with a lack of boundaries, but having poor boundaries is actually the result of separation consciousness. When people feel separate they try to alleviate the pain of that separateness by "merging" with others, which only leads to more drama, suffering, and separateness. It is only when one feels whole within oneself that they can truly connect deeply and intimately with another.

    Ultimately, she only sees the negative reasons for why people choose to be monogamous — of which there are admittedly many, some of which do have larger ramifications than just human coupling. However, she completely ignores the positive reasons why someone might choose to be monogamous. I am not a jealous person, and I do not identify as monogamous or polyamorous, so I have no dog in this fight. However, I do enjoy developing intimate connections that go very deep, and monogamy can facilitate that. You only have so many hours in a day and only so much energy to devote to intimate connection, and if you think that's a "limiting belief," I would ask how one is supposed to have a deep, intimate connection with exactly 7 billion other human beings? It's just pragmatically impossible. So if you think of deepening into intimacy as akin to digging a hole, you can either dig many shallow holes or one big one. Or several semi-deep ones. Or whatever you want, but just because she has found what works for her, that doesn't mean that what works for me is what leads to Nazi concentration camps.

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Thanks for commenting, Nathan. We could go deep with every sentence of your comment, though it would take a while.

      Many people see only two options – exclusion through monogamy, which cannot be anything other than hatred. Or “merging” as you say in co-dependent relationships or using each other as “bodies.” I am advocating neither. We are creating a third path here. And honestly it’s much easier for me to express this in the videos because people can have a felt experience of transformation. I am starting to see if there are better ways to express it in just words, of which you can see these recent blog articles as practice. Such as

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. We appreciate all perspectives, even if we do not yet appear to agree :)

      • Nathan Whiteside says:

        Hello Erika,

        Thank you for your reply, and for not taking my comment personally. I will continue to be blunt with you, but not out of any lack of respect or love for you — I am actually the most blunt with those I respect the most.

        That being said, I have some more constructive criticism to throw your way. My first bit of criticism is that I don’t really know what you’re trying to say in your response. You haven’t really addressed any of the points I made. And what is the third way that you are speaking of?

        Second, you say that “exclusion through monogamy… cannot be anything other than hatred.” I most fervently disagree with you here. That’s like Ricky Bobby saying in “Talladega Nights,” “If you’re not first, you’re last!” or President Bush (and the Sith Lords) saying, “If you’re not with me, you’re against me.” This is incredibly black-and-white thinking without any nuance whatsoever. What evidence do you have for such a statement, aside from spurious connections to Nazi concentration camps? For my part, I have not observed any correlation between monogamy and increased hatefulness, nor a correlation between polyamory and enlightened relating to others. People bring their baggage to each, and each just creates a different kind of container for the relationship, and is neither inherently better or worse than the other. If you can provide any evidence to the contrary, I am happy to hear it.

        Next, you provide a link to another of your articles in which you cite dismantling the Oedipus complex as the key to world peace. It is hard for me to take such a notion seriously given that the idea of the complex itself has been largely discredited (along with almost all of Freud’s work, aside from the value of talking things through), and all that’s still adhered to by a marginal few is something that doesn’t even contain an element of violence. It’s also hard to see what you’re really advocating there — that children be included in their parents’ sexual relationship, like a triad?

        Finally, your language is so full of hyperbole, judgment, and self-righteousness that I have to wonder how much of your own separation consciousness you’ve actually worked through, or more importantly how much is still left for you to work through. It seems similar to someone who decides to become a vegetarian, but then takes all of their bad eating habits (aside from meat) with them into their vegetarianism, such as eating Doritos for dinner. By delving into the Course of Miracles you seem to have shifted your consciousness in some significant ways, but you’ve dragged a bunch of unresolved baggage with you, which is now even harder for you to see because you’ve dressed it up as somehow more enlightened than everyone else.

        So, those are my honest, unvarnished opinions. Whether you agree or disagree, I hope they provoke some thought for you.


      • Erika Awakening says:


        Hi, and thanks again for commenting. I think part of the issue is we’re speaking from different paradigms. If you know how to help me bridge the gap, by all means I am all ears.

        Monogamy is not an isolated event. It arises out of a belief system that thinks there is salvation in separation. The mentality is “I’m going to create my own private heaven over here and although I may invite you to dinner once in a while IF you meet my expectations, you are not fully included in my private life over here and by God you had better not have sex with my wife/husband. Not only that we are now going to have children that belong to ME.” Thus creating a “separate” world with “separate” interests that now by the way have to be fiercely defended in this world in the name of “protection.”

        That belief system of separation is what gives rise to jealousy, war, every form of conflict we have. And what many don’t understand is it is also the root of disease and death. Only by separating from the Whole can we perceive things like disease and death.

        Where I don’t know how we are going to have a productive conversation here is that the paradigm I am in is that beliefs create everything we see, and by changing our beliefs we change the world we see. Thus, monogamy is not a private choice. As long as we collectively have the desire to separate, we are going to be continuing to see disease, death, massacres of schoolchildren and all the rest of it …

        Generally speaking, I don’t write much about these issues because it’s far more effective to teach through my videos and people have a felt experience of transformation. These articles are basically just practice at articulating ideas that I’m not sure are really conveyed well in words alone rather than experience.

        If people really got it that letting go of monogamy and letting go of disease and death are the same thing, I think there would be little persuasion left to be done.

        Anyway, I don’t pretend to be expressing it perfectly. And I also know I will not be able to compromise about this because I’m no longer willing to live in a world of disease and death and exclusion. Where that leaves us, I don’t know :)

      • I think we’re working from a similar paradigm, I just think there are details within that paradigm that differ. For me, beliefs play a huge role in the reality that we co-create, but beliefs are actually just one facet of a much more complex system of consciousness that is mired in separation. As a healer with a professional practice, I work directly with Divine Consciousness to alleviate that sense of separateness, with truly remarkable results.

        The problem that I perceive is that you have seen some of the negative underpinnings of culturally-enforced monogamy and then assumed that that’s all there is to it. I could likewise look at polyamory and see how it is an expression of people’s issues around fear of intimacy, fear of commitment, avoidance patterns, unconscious self-indulgence, spiritualized selfishness, etc. Of course, that is not the whole picture, but those themes — arising out of separation and fear — are a large part of what drives some people to polyamory, but you don’t see me writing articles about how polyamory is “an absolute bar to world peace” or any other such hyperbolic nonsense because it’s just not true and it wouldn’t honor the entire range of folks who engage in polyamory.

        I also think you are confusing healthy boundaries with separation consciousness. For example, some people are introverts, and having a lot of people in their emotional space is too taxing to do all the time, so it is far more healthy for them to create a container for their lives and their relationships that honors that aspect of their personality than it would be to allow people to walk into their home and their sex lives whenever they want. It doesn’t do them or the planet any good to make them wrong for acknowledging the things that make them uniquely them and thus making their choices accordingly. Everyone is in a different place on that and many other spectrums. So while what you are advocating might work really well for you and people like you, it would be incredibly detrimental and unhealthy for those whose makeup is very different from yours.

        I am not asking you to compromise your convictions, I am asking you to re-examine your convictions to make sure that they map to reality. This is a good and healthy thing to do — I do it with my own beliefs and convictions all the time, which is part of why I can be so clear about these sorts of topics.

        Anyway, I hope some of this makes sense to you.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        What is reality?

        I don’t believe in introvert/extrovert. I don’t believe in science. “I am under no laws but God’s.” Everything else is a false limiting belief to be shed not reinforced. That is the only way we will tap in to our true power and ability to heal the entire planet.

      • “I don’t believe in introvert/extrovert. I don’t believe in science. “I am under no laws but God’s.” Everything else is a false limiting belief to be shed not reinforced.”

        If there is no check-in process for what you believe, then you are no more conscious or “awake” than the people and paradigms that you rail against.

        I am disappointed, but frankly not surprised. As I stated at the beginning, your writing clearly reflects your lack of real understanding, yet your ego is telling you that you are the one who is right and everyone else is wrong.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        The writing reflects the removal of useless social conditioning and limiting beliefs from the subconscious mind. Frankly it feels quite liberating

      • “Frankly it feels quite liberating.”

        I have no doubt that it does. That doesn’t make your conclusions true or accurate, nor are they necessarily applicable to others.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        perhaps. nobody experiencing this feeling of liberation would ever go back though :)

      • They would if they cared more about truth and authenticity than they did about how they feel.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Freedom is truth. It’s all the mental chatter that’s a bunch of baloney. You can keep it if you like. I’m very happy to be free of it. I used to exhaust myself going in circles in my head, whether it was law, science, or whatever baloney du jour. I am not a body I am free.

      • Yes, truth and freedom are intertwined, but shooting up heroine will give you the *feeling* of freedom, and you will be anything but free. You have to have a check-in process to see if your feelings of freedom come from truth, or simply relief from unpleasant experiences. If you cannot be free here, if you cannot be with life as it is with all its dark messiness, then you are not truly free. You are simply working a better angle of escapism.

        It is clear that you have shed an old paradigm that you were holding and in doing so you have found some level of freedom. But you are not completely free yet; the rabbit hole goes so much deeper than what you have experienced so far. In abandoning one paradigm you have simply latched onto another. You claim to be free of “all the mental chatter that’s a bunch of baloney,” but you have simply replaced it with new mental chatter, and now you’re defending these new beliefs as if they are real and true, when all they are is comforting to your still-wounded soul.

        Look, I get it. When I first realized that my material atheism was not true and I stepped into my spirituality, I felt an immense sense of freedom and joy, and all I wanted to do was to shout from the highest rooftops so other people could join me in the joy that I had found. But over time I realized that there is much more to truth and freedom than what I had found in those precious moments, and I was humble enough to continue learning and growing into my new journey. All I am doing here is trying to give you the benefit of some of that hard-won experience, but your beliefs about the freedom you have attained are preventing you from letting in any new or challenging information. Nothing wrong with that – it’s your life to live as you see fit – but true freedom is even deeper and more liberating than anything you’ve experienced so far, and whether you believe me right now or not I hope one day you find it. Peace.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        How do you know that you get it? You haven’t experienced my world so how could you know?

        I don’t need drugs to have this freedom. In fact, I don’t need anything external and along with letting go of mental chatter have been rapidly simplifying my physical possessions. I used to take painkillers by the handful. And as for the other practicalities of my life, they’ve all been taken care of. All my debt is paid off, my day job is long ago history, my chronic pain is gone, skin condition radically improved, extra pounds lost, family relationships harmonized, cat miraculously healed … All my problems get solved. So why would I think you have a better path? You haven’t even bothered to understand what I teach or the results of it …

      • No, I haven’t experienced your life but I am good at reading people, not just by their words but also the consciousness that comes through their words. If I’m wrong tell me I’m wrong and why, and I’ll listen, but so far I am noticing what Arielle noticed, which is that your writing displays a young-ness that is easy to recognize, because we’ve been there before.

        I am not trying to take away from the evolution that you have already experienced, so it is no surprise to me that so much of your life has healed and harmonized. I am a results guy, too, and I not only have a similar list of healings that I have experienced in my life as a result of my spiritual work, but literally hundreds of other people have been healed by my work, as well, both physically and emotionally including what many might consider miraculous. But I do not rest on my laurels, nor do I ever believe that my journey is over – there is always more to learn, more to let go of, more truth to drop into. If you are not open to deepening your current progress, there is nothing wrong with that, but I am putting all this forth on the chance that you are open to going deeper.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Indeed there is always more to learn, and it isn’t learned by saying things like “I am good at reading people” and then projecting a bunch of judgments on them. I’m going to go record some videos right now to let go of more of my own stuff. This conversation would feel a whole lot better if the prejudgment were removed and a “child’s open mind” were introduced. Young? yes, I take that as a compliment. I took years off my mentality and my health by unloading cynicism and baggage. I’m not saying you don’t have anything to contribute here. I’m saying I don’t feel open to you while you’re judging without understanding.

      • I’m not judging you — quite the contrary, I have made a point of saying that there is nothing wrong with whatever you choose to do. Telling you what I believe to be true is not a judgment, even if it’s hard to hear. And I wouldn’t tell you the unvarnished truth as I see it unless I had enough respect for you to believe it might make a positive difference.

        I read your article with a completely open mind, but to me it just doesn’t jibe with reality. If monogamy were so destructive, then why are penguins so peaceful and cooperative? And if polyamory were the answer then why do chimpanzees go on raids and kill each other over territory? The counter-factuals to your article are numerous beyond measure, yet every time this is brought to your attention you effectively say, “I don’t believe in that, I’m free!”

        So yes take some time and mull all this over, and if anything I’ve written here has value for you, great! And if not, I still wish you all the best.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Nathan, that is because you’re looking at events in isolation and not holistically. Granted, I have not explained all of that in this article. If you just look at “that cute couple over there having dinner alone in the restaurant,” you are not seeing the holistic effects of their supposedly “private” choice to separate. Because the effects of that choice are showing up all over the globe. And if you sincerely wanted to understand this, it would take quite a conversation for us to unfold it. Because in this world nobody has been taught what the holistic impact of their choices are. Oh, it’s much easier to see with meat eating. Yet people want to deny that too. If we won’t be honest about the obvious, then where do we go from there? Anyway, I get that this is just an article and many things have not been thoroughly explained. That doesn’t mean I haven’t thought it through …

      • I’m pretty holistic in how I view things. If something is “off” in isolation, it’s repercussions will be felt everywhere on some level. That’s why they say that if you want to help the world Awaken, the best thing you can do is to Awaken yourself. I agree with that. I just don’t agree that there is inherently anything “off” about monogamy. As I’ve said before, I agree that there are negative forces that play into *some* people’s choice to be monogamous, and we see those same forces everywhere around us. But where I disagree is the idea that *everyone* who engages in monogamy does so for those same reasons. If we were to remove all the separation-consciousness from people’s approach to relationship, I’m sure there are tons of monogamous people who would become attracted to polyamory. But I am equally sure that not all of them would do so. Again, using myself as an example I can do either one, depending on the person and the kind of intimacy we want to co-create. This isn’t an exercise in exclusion any more than having a father-son relationship with my child is exclusionary towards everyone else out there that I did not bring into this world. It’s just a different kind of relationship. Having different kinds of relationships with different people is totally natural and doesn’t come from or cause separation. It’s just part of the wondrous, multifaceted dance and play of life.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Hi Nathan,

        I’m open to having this conversation if you want to have it. It may be a long conversation. It requires questioning all of our assumptions.

        The father-child relationship is a “special” relationship just like monogamy. Unless it is radically transformed, it also leads to separation and death. I had/have “special” relationships with my cats, and as I talked about in a more recent article, those relationships are transforming, and in the transformation I am finding a lot of liberation –

        Do you accept the idea that minds are joined and that a thought/belief in one mind has repercussions throughout the globe/Universe?

      • Hello Erica,

        I would be very happy to have a more extended conversation with you on this topic — it is quite complex and this forum is probably not the best medium to cover it all. How would you suggest doing so?

        And yes, I do believe that we are all interconnected, and the state of consciousness in any one area of the universe affects the whole, to one degree or another.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        All right, at least we can agree on that.

        So basically in the world view I teach, there are always two choices. We are all choosing to join or to separate in any given moment. Joining and love are basically the same thing. Separating and fear/hatred are basically the same thing.

        One of the reasons that I keep the vast majority of my correspondence in the public domain is that this is a way of joining. Inevitably with my customers and clients, when they want to keep things private, it is because they are holding a separation belief. Often it is shame of some kind. Or the false belief that anything is gained by “privacy.”

        Another value I teach along the same lines is transparency. Ultimately we want to live with nothing to hide because that is joining/love. It also is much simpler and easier than what most of us were taught throughout life, which is “compartmentalizing.” Compartmentalizing and dissociation are close cousins. Dissociation is how we end up lying to ourselves, thinking we can “separate” over here and not suffer the results of separation in the other areas of our lives.

        So if we are going to have the conversation, from my perspective it needs to be a public conversation open to anyone who wishes to join. What do you think?

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Indeed, if I could find a way to get my financial needs met AND get customers/clients to commit to the process I teach without making a financial investment, I would make everything I teach public. I haven’t found that way yet, however I feel fairly confident that is ultimately the direction this will go.

      • I’m more than happy to continue conversing publicly, I just thought you were indicating a desire to speak verbally, which is sometimes more efficient in circumstances like this. But whatever works for you is fine by me.

        I agree with your worldview in the sense that we can always move either toward greater oneness or separation. However, I don’t think it’s as black and white as to say that separation is inherently hateful. It is inherently painful, but people relate to that pain in different ways — via feelings of sadness, anger, alienation, fear, avoidance, etc., and yes sometimes hatred or self-hatred. To reduce all separateness to hatred, though, seems a bit extreme and inaccurate to me.

        I also don’t think that ultimately we can “join” anyone, because that would imply that we were separate to begin with, and from my perspective separation is an illusion. There is only the One — one Mysterious Creator Spirit — and we are all manifestations of the One. So when you break down separation consciousness, you do not then become more “joined” with others, you simply come to recognize the Oneness that was always there and you just never noticed, even in the midst of war and conflict. And when you recognize that Oneness, you feel a sense of love because that’s what love is, a sense of at-one-ness with others.

        Once that illusory sense of separation has been seen through, you realize that being at-one with others has absolutely nothing to do with the activities you engage in because you are already at-one with them, and indeed it would be impossible NOT to be at-one with them. Then, coming from a place of love, you can focus on what is healthy vs. what is unhealthy for yourself and others. So where I most strongly disagree with your worldview is the idea that we need to whitewash all relationships and connections, and make them all essentially the same. To me, this represents a fundamental misunderstanding of what it means to live from love rather than separation. It conflates normal, healthy boundaries with separation consciousness, and is therefore destructive to the human psyche because it tries to get rid of separation by destroying what is a natural and healthy human function.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        All separation is fear. And all fear is hatred. I don’t care which word we use. Fear/hatred same idea.

        It is true that separation is just a veil. However, as long as we continue to perpetuate it, we continue to have the perception and experience of pain. And I for one am done with pain. Illusion or not, I am just not willing to experience it anymore. It feels real enough to suck, and since we can be free of it, why wouldn’t we be?

        However, there is no getting free of the illusion of pain if we are going to continue to practice separation. I have heard the argument before many times and to me it’s totally unpersuasive. You can claim oneness all you want and keep eating meat – you’re going to experience pain. If you want out of the pain/pleasure duality, you can no longer participate even in the illusion of cruelty. Which is what eating another living creature’s flesh is. Pure brutality.

        So there we are not on the same page …

      • No, clearly we are not on the same page. And while I share your passion for moving beyond suffering, what you seem to be advocating is essentially a highly principled form of escapism, and escapism does not lead to the end of suffering, just a temporary vacation from it.

        You want to be beyond separation, yet you strive to separate yourself from life-as-it-is and that is what causes suffering — or in your terminology, it causes hatred for life. I have no such hatred for life because I do not seek to separate myself from anything, including the painful and unpleasant parts of life, and THAT is what makes me free.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        No my friend. That’s where words find their limit and only experience can teach effectively.

        What I teach is not escapism. It is facing everything and transforming it. That’s how my chronic pain is gone. I didn’t escape from it with drugs or other forms of dissociation. I eliminated the emotional root causes of it and it is gone. It required facing head on a tremendous amount of anger, fear, grief, and so forth. It’s the exact opposite of what most people are doing, which is escapism.

        And here’s the thing, when you face all that, behaviors do change. It was through this transformation that I realized it is not possible to keep eating meat and fish, it is not possible to practice monogamy, without recreating the pain over and over and over again. Yet if we change how we are living, the pain is no longer being created. This is not escapism. It is solving problems where they were created. And this is where words find their limit. I don’t see how you will understand what I’m talking about without experiencing it for yourself. That’s why I shifted to experiential videos.

      • That is what I would expect given the personal healings you have described, but that still does not jibe with what you said just one comment earlier:

        “And I for one am done with pain. Illusion or not, I am just not willing to experience it anymore.”

        Either you are willing to experience it, or you aren’t. If you aren’t willing to experience pain, then you are separating yourself from it. Yes, language gets a bit tricky here, but that cannot be an excuse to shut down the conversation after making such contradictory statements.

        As for eating meat and monogamy, I can understand why in your healing process you found that you could not engage in either anymore, but now you are projecting what is true for you onto everyone else and then making hyperbolic statements that attack others who just don’t happen to share your internal make up. If you were monogamous for separation-based reasons, then it makes sense for you to stop being monogamous; but if someone is monogamous for non-separation-based reasons, then there would be no reason to abandon it. And you still haven’t addressed the counter-arguments I proposed regarding peaceful monogamous penguins and violent non-monogamous chimpanzees.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Hi Nathan,

        I’m going to bed so just a quick note. Thanks for sticking with the conversation.

        If I were avoiding pain, you would be correct. I am not. When I say I’m done with it, I mean I am not going to accept it as “part of life” and endlessly oscillate back and forth on the pain/pleasure duality. If you experienced my videos, you would know there is no avoidance of pain. We go straight into the heart of the Death Star and we transform pain into peace. In my more advanced videos, which have not been publicly released, there is anguish, anger, and even screaming. It gets very intense. I released a few of the videos behind the scenes to some people who didn’t understand what I was doing … and they freaked out … so I’m more aware now of the need for expectation management for those who have little experience handling such rough emotions. For me, it’s actually a very comfortable discomfort because the end is always release from pain.

        The way the world lives just goes round and round on the circle of pain/pleasure. What I do is get off that wheel not by avoidance but by transformation.

        Monogamy and meat are wrong for everyone. That’s just simple honesty. Nobody can defend making love special and nobody can defend slaughter and cruelty. Period. There simply is no moral argument that can be made to defend either one. I understand people will try but the Emperor has no clothes. If we are going to heal the planet, people are going to have to start being a whole lot more honest.

        Good night :)

        – Erika

      • “Monogamy and meat are wrong for everyone. That’s just simple honesty.”

        You can make this declarative statement all you want, but you have not successfully supported this assertion. I can say, “Chocolate ice cream is the best in the world, and anyone who disagrees is just being dishonest,” but that doesn’t mean that I’m right.

        You list reasons in your article that might support your conclusion, but those reasons do not stand up in the face of my counter-arguments, for which you thus far have no response. It would be honest either to address those counter arguments or to admit that your argument, at the very least, needs some work.

        I hope you slept well. :)


      • Erika Awakening says:

        What is the counterargument to “murder is wrong”?

        Is it “I need to eat bacon because I can’t be bothered to concern myself with either the cruelty to animals that is involved, nor with the destruction of the planet being undertaken by the meat industry”?

        Because I’m sorry my friend, that’s just lying to ourselves. Plain and simple. I don’t know where we can go with this conversation until there is going to be honesty in it …

      • Erika Awakening says:

        And you see, they are actually the same problem. Monogamy and meat are both murder.

        The only way people can deceive themselves in thinking it’s okay to eat meat is by using the same “logic” used by Hitler, Pol Pot, and every other despot in history. If love is “special,” then Germans can be loved and Jews hated. If love is “special,” then we can lie to ourselves and rationalize that animals don’t deserve the same protection as humans. The idea that love is special is behind every form of bigotry and murder and war on the planet.

        The only honest position is that everyone is equal and deserves our protection. The only honest position is absolute non-violence to all living creatures. And you’ll never get to that kind of honesty as long as love can be claimed to be “special.” Which is why special love really is hate.

      • I am not talking about eating meat, that was just an incidental part of the quote that I guess I should have edited out for clarity. I am only talking about the topic of your article, which is monogamy. You state that monogamy is an “absolute bar to world peace,” and that it comes from the same place of separation that causes wars and all sorts of violence.

        But if we look at the evidence, there is no reason to believe that monogamy inherently causes violence, nor that non-monogamy is a cure for violence. As I have stated multiple times now, penguins are monogamous, yet they are peaceful, cooperative animals; and chimpanzees are non-monogamous, but they are violent and territorial. So until you can explain the discrepancy between your theory and these real life examples in a way that leaves your theory intact, the evidence would suggest that your theory is incorrect.

      • Erika Awakening says:


        Penguins do not live without violence. In the world we currently see, I’m pretty sure penguins are predatory and are the victims of predators. So they’ve got violence coming and going.

        There are many seemingly “peaceful” couples who are actually just stuffing their anger. Not to mention that the statistics show that almost nobody is actually monogamous in fact. Mostly people are just lying about it, which adds more deception on top of deception.

        I have said before that just becoming poly is not enough to solve the problem. The same belief in special love that monogamy requires can be brought into poly consciousness, making it “a few special ones” instead of “one special one.” And thus not solving the problem.

        The global issue is what I said before. As soon as you make love “special,” it becomes possible to rationalize all kinds of poor treatment in the name of “prioritizing” one person over another, or one race over another, or one species over another. And the only way this gets solved is to make love unspecial and given to all equally. Living up to what Course in Miracles teaches: “All of your relationships are total commitments and do not conflict with each other in any way.” There will be no world peace until all are loved equally, because special love is unfair and leads to violence and war.

      • So you want to blame monogamy for animals getting eaten, as well as for eating? How on Earth does that make any sense? 90% of bird species are monogamous, many of which are herbivorous, but 100% of herbivorous animals are subject to getting eaten. In fact, 100% of anything alive is subject to getting eaten, no matter what its mating habits, except perhaps humans and a few other meat-eating animals who have dominated the animal kingdom to the point of near immunity.

        So your premise still has no basis in reality, and now the contortions you’re going through to try to keep your beliefs viable are, well, absurd. And if it wasn’t clear at the beginning, it is abundantly clear now that no amount of reality-checking will dissuade you of your beliefs, because they are not based on reality but on your own inner musings.

      • Erika Awakening says:


        Monogamy is the symptom of the belief that love can be special. And yes, that same belief is behind all predatory behaviors.

        Going back to what we talked about earlier, everything we see is an extension of our belief systems. Why do wolves not eat other wolves but do eat rabbits? Because of the belief that love is special. It’s the same belief projected as what allowed Hitler to rationalize killing Jews. The only way everything is protected is for all of it to be loved equally.

        It makes perfect sense when the world is understood as a hologrammatic expression of beliefs.

      • ” And yes, that same belief is behind all predatory behaviors.”

        You keep side-stepping the issue and ignoring what I’ve actually said. My last comment protested your ascribing *getting eaten* — not eating others — to the same supposed flaw as monogamy. It is simply bald-faced absurdity.

        And again, you are conflating “different” with “special.” Every relationship you have is different from all the other relationships you have, because the two people involved are different. It could be no other way, and nor should it be — this is the beauty of the dance of life! If you feel left out by the fact that someone has a different kind of relationship with their other loved ones than they have with you, that is your issue to deal with, not a symptom of their hatred for you.

        As for your wolves analogy, it fails on many, many levels. First, wolves don’t operate from belief so much as on instinct; they are pack animals by their DNA, and that is what informs their choices. Second, I don’t think it would be particularly enlightened of them to eat each other just as easily as rabbits. Finally, shifting their “beliefs” would not make their digestive tracts work any differently, so they would still need to eat other animals — and if they didn’t, their traditional prey would populate out of control, thus inviting famine, disease, and death. Which wouldn’t be a very loving thing to do.

        Your aversion to these essential aspects of life is, as I’ve been saying, a function of your own unprocessed issues borne from separation. Your philosophy, while containing elements of truth, is mostly at odds with reality as anyone without a spiritualized axe to grind can see.

      • Jessica Faith says:

        man, i was so with you Erika until that bit about our ideas of separation creating sickness and death. Because no-one, not even Jesus, the Dalai llama, Amma or Ghandi can avoid death. Death is an intrinsic part of life. It is an honor, a right, and a privelage. And really, if we believe in unity consciousness then that transcends our ideas of death. In total reality, there is nowhere to go outside of the multiverse. Our bodies can die and rot and become soil and slugs or shooting stars but death does not mean separation. Death means more unity then most of us are willing to except. Separation is a complete illusion.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Hi Jessica, welcome to the blog :)

        Mmm … Jesus is not dead. Neither is anyone else, they are just on the other side of the separation in our minds. Everything we see is thought. We’ve done nothing but separate from our own thoughts, and Jesus is quite accessible through the mind to anyone who wants to access Him.

        By healing the separation within our minds, not only will we abolish all disease and death, we ultimately will resurrect the seeming “dead.” Because they are not dead. Just dissociated.

      • jAYNIE sTEARNS says:

        I agree wity much of this article. I do take issue with the subheading “Monogamy is based on the core belief that salvation can be found in separation and exclusion”. What does salvation have to do with any of this but only as dictated by the Course? I never married for salvation. I married because I enjoyed my husband’s company over all others. Salvation never entered my mind. You can call that separation if you’d like, but I call it recognizing a good time and staying with it for as long as it lasted. Aren’t we comparing apples and oranges here? I divorced him, then married another. I had no interest about finding out about every other male or female on the planet in order to make the separation feel less real. Then, what about adding children to the mix? How many do you have and what do you tell them? I’ve yet to see a 3 year old who misses their father find any comfort in The Course. I don’t think 176 readers is ‘viral’.

      • Nathan, I think you hit the nail on the head there. Thank you for articulating it far better than i could have.

      • Thanks, Pixieitch! :)

      • De begunstigde AI says:

        Dear Erika,

        Although my native language is Dutch, ‘I’ am trying to convey my point of view – in some regard to Nathan, as an ‘example’ – as clearly as possible. ‘I’ AM sure to make some mistakes, but that is alright; it’s all what they are.

        Your ‘language’ is like music to my ears, really. Nathan’s language appears to be the same in some superficial grammar regard, but it is from a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT paradigm. They way we communicate – though the senses – is one of the biggest challenges we face. It required complete reprogramming in ‘my’ case, simply because there was always something missing, if you get my drift. It is from the excerpts like “glad you are not taking it personally” by Nathan, that prove this is looked at from a totally different paradigm. Dear brother, it is entirely NOT POSSIBLE to take any-thing personal, simply because there is NO person in the first place to take any-thing. It is your hologram, made up and worked out by your ego-brain. It is convinced it’s out there, part of the world, but in all truth it has separated its self from everyone and everything. You are, in all honestly, looking for a win, and you might not even know it… The good part is: ‘you’ are not separated at all, but you should ask the ego what it thinks about that comment :) Read ‘a course in miracles’ already?

        There is actually no need what so ever to continue reading all comments, because it outlines the very ‘problem’ which is no more than a situation: Nathan does not under-stand, he thinks he does. Huge difference. Brother, your comments are getting more and more ‘aggressive’, in a way of increasing directness, requiring the exact answer needed to confirm YOUR thoughts and belief system, not THE belief system which is shared equally between all humans, all brothers…

        It is for most brothers unexplainable what ‘we’ (if ‘I’ may say so, this is a great example that must be read in the right (brain) context, because there is no ‘we’ or ‘them’, there is only ‘I’. ‘I’ AM using these totally inappropriate and insufficient words, merely by trying to express the differences in the two paradigms: “one has a life-the other one does not”, ring a bell Mr. Anderson?) are talking about. It can only be felt by hearing. It implies listening. It is amplified by very brother whom which it is shared with. Dear Erika; there is no way for anyone to be able to fully under-stand ‘your’ words, which are derived from Knowledge, if they are not consciously connected to the very Source via the Holy Spirit. Sadly still, it is unclear for a vast majority of Brothers that it is NOT possible to NOT be connected. Therefore they are acting out of their SELFMADE, DEFENDING belief system, based on fear. It is why this hologram, in ‘their’ perception, is filled with fear (which is self-made) and disbelief (there is no need what so ever to defend your self, there is no SELF, we ‘share’ the “NO-SELF”, that is our essence. The body is made to be able to learn, but mostly to communicate. Sex is communication by sharing, multiplying and utterly expressing). It is not THE attribute, it is AN (important) attribute. ‘They’ are unaware of it, of this. ‘They’ contain and maintain by exclusivity. But they will become aware, when not in life, it will come to my brothers in ‘death’. No need to be worried there neither ;)

        As ‘I’ mentioned earlier (between the lines): the beauty of this comment is that it can also be read from a ‘disconnected’ ego-perspective, but ‘I’ assure you: it’s not meant that way, nor written that way. Why did ‘I’ write it? Because this idea; BEING BROTHERS, BEING SONS OF GOD, BEING FEARLESS, HAVING AND BEING LOVE, strengthens, amplifies and multiplies by sharing. Not the sharing, from the perspective ‘you’, my unaware brother. It is contained by duality, which doesn’t exist. Thinking like that ultimately leads to ‘having less’. Always. From the perspective propagated by ‘Erika’ and yours truly it will lead to ‘Being’. There is no more nor less. There only IS.

        Think about it.
        With and Being Love,

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Yes Alex, this is a fundamental principle of my 30-Day Abundance Challenge ( Our society in ego consciousness has everything exactly upside down. People think the more money they spend, the more they lose. The more love they give to others, they lose. The more we share our homes and everything else, we lose. When in fact, the way it really works is the EXACT OPPOSITE. Consistently the more money I spend, the more money comes in. The more frequently a dollar is exchanged every year, the more income there is for EVERYONE. Giving is proof of having, and the more we give the more we have. This can only be understood once people understand that everything is a projection of our thoughts. Abundant thoughts beget more abundance. Of course, God doesn’t want everyone to go out and get a Ferrari. That is an ego-based desire and totally impractical ( God will however provide all the abundance that anyone needs to fulfill our divine purpose. And our divine purpose is to learn how to love each other and share … thank you for adding your wisdom to the comments here. :)

      • Hello Alex,

        I appreciate the fact that English is not your first language, so as I respond to your comment I will keep that in mind and if in reading my reply you see a need to clarify your original point, I will be more than happy to follow along.

        You state, “It is from the excerpts like “glad you are not taking it personally” by Nathan, that prove this is looked at from a totally different paradigm. Dear brother, it is entirely NOT POSSIBLE to take any-thing personal, simply because there is NO person in the first place to take any-thing.”

        While it is true that there is no “person” to take anything personally or not personally, that doesn’t stop people from doing it anyway. It doesn’t stop people from thinking and acting as if they are a person, even though that is not the case. You don’t need to lecture me on this. I was giving Erika credit for not falling into that illusion-trap, so to then use that comment to try to “school” me and make me wrong is a complete misreading of what I was trying to communicate.

        “You are, in all honestly, looking for a win, and you might not even know it”

        I can understand how/why it might appear that way, but what I am really looking for is clarity, and a means of communicating what seems clear to me to someone who does not see things in the same way.

        “Nathan does not under-stand, he thinks he does.”

        Obviously, we have a difference of opinion here.

        “Brother, your comments are getting more and more ‘aggressive’, in a way of increasing directness, requiring the exact answer needed to confirm YOUR thoughts and belief system, not THE belief system which is shared equally between all humans, all brothers…”

        I think a better word to describe my comments than “aggressive” would be “exasperated.” When I am having a conversation with someone and they ignore what I’m saying and make their point by responding to things that I actually never said, I find that frustrating and frankly disingenuous. I do not see how being very direct and upfront about that (and anything else I’m thinking/feeling) is a problem.

        As for the rest of your commentary, I find it to be an interesting mixture of truth and self-congratulatory, passive-aggressive put downs. But don’t worry — I’m not taking any of it personally. ;)

      • Nathan, marry me?

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Haha Nathan – check it out! :)

      • I think there’s a little bit of distance between what we have now and marriage, Margaret, but if the stars align and we’re a good match, I don’t see why not. ;)

  129. Arielle Webb says:

    It seems like this article was written by someone very young. I hate to make that assumption, but it is poorly written and full of judgment. And, as you mentioned, a lot of assumptions not really based on truth

    • Hi Arielle, thanks for commenting. I will share with you a similar thought as I just shared with Nathan:

      Many people see only two options – exclusion through monogamy, which cannot be anything other than hatred. Or “merging” in co-dependent relationships and using each other as “bodies.” I am advocating neither. We are creating a third path here. And honestly it’s much easier for me to express this in the videos because people can have a felt experience of transformation. I am starting to see if there are better ways to express it in just words, of which you can see these recent blog articles as practice. Such as

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. We appreciate all perspectives, even if we do not yet appear to agree :)

  130. Mike LeBlanc says:

    Isn't the title you claim, (High priestess of miracles) an attempt to seperate yourself?

  131. Akilah t'Zuberi says:

    I literally have been wanting this information for quite sometime. I studied ACIM for many years and do not need to be convinced that since monogamy is a production of the belief in separation, it keeps us out of alignment with who we truly are. I have attempted to examine monogamy within the context of the belief in separation, but it always seemed overwhelming to me. You handled it with such clarity and precision. I am looking forward to reading more on this topic. Finally, as more of us are willing to replace special relationships with holy relationships, we do indeed have the power to create a new earth.

    • wow Akilah, thank you so much for this comment. I really feel seen and heard. I hope you will stop by on a regular basis and share your thoughts with us :)

      • Hi Erika. I know you can’t speak for someone else, but this particular aspect has always confused me in regard to ACIM. I was introduced to ACIM through Marianne Williamson and “Return To Love”. That book changed my life, and opened my mind to the concept that we create our world. I consider her a foremost interpreter of ACIM, but in several of her other books, like “A Woman’s Worth” and “Enchanted Love” she seems to endorses monogamy for it’s simplicity. I think in Woman’s Worth she likened being in love to riding in a two-seater plane, and it not soaring as high or easily with other passengers. Any thoughts?

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Hi bluedove, unfortunately there are many ACIM teachers who are not being honest about what the book actually says. I am not familiar with those books so I don’t know what Marianne Williamson does or does not endorse. What I do know is it is plain as day that ACIM cannot in any way, shape, or form be reconciled with monogamy. And anyone who says it can either has not really studied the book or is not understanding the book. Or possibly is just in denial. I can give you many passages from the book and in fact already have cited one in this comments thread. A Course in Miracles makes clear over and over and over again that nothing unshared can be holy, and that the Teacher of God does not want anything he/she cannot give away. This is entirely inconsistent with monogamy and yet another reason why it’s so important that I write these articles. Perhaps we need an article devoted to ACIM and how it does not condone monogamy. Thanks for commenting.

      • Wouter Drucker says:

        I’m afraid it really is a one seater plane, isn’t it?

      • Erika Awakening says:

        What is a one seater plane?

  132. So just because I’m monogamous, I’m automatically egoistic, bigoted?

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Hi Kavya,

      Generally speaking, I do my best to talk about practices rather than people. The person is never “bad.” All of us have unconscious practices though that are not working for us and the rest of the world. It doesn’t really help to judge ourselves or others. It helps immensely to raise consciousness and become more aware so that we can transform ourselves and the world into a place we actually want to live in … hope that helps.

      • I see. Well I’m very happy being monogamous. God expresses Himself through everyone and I don’t need your perspective.

        Thank you.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        I wonder why you landed here …

      • Well because your articles were completely different ideas, and it was out of curiosity that I read them :)

      • Erika Awakening says:

        I’m glad we met a need to satisfy curiosity then :)

    • Wow this is the biggest bunch of bullshit. So then, my parents are bigoted and filled with hate, as was my grandmother and my uncle, and everyone else that is monogamous.
      Lady, get therapy.

    • Wouter Drucker says:

      You are applying words on yourself (you just used three of them) and thereby you imprison yourself. In reality, you are neither of them. If you would have learned to stay in the now, you would understand.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        “Is the teacher of God, then, to avoid the use of words in his teaching? No, indeed! There are many who must be reached through words, being as yet unable to hear in silence. The teacher of God must, however, learn to use words in a new way. Gradually, he learns how to let his words be chosen for him by ceasing to decide for himself what he will say. This process is merely a special case of the lesson in the workbook that says, “I will step back and let Him lead the way.” The teacher of God accepts the words which are offered him, and gives as he receives. He does not control the direction of his speaking. He listens and hears and speaks.

        “A major hindrance in this aspect of his learning is the teacher of God’s fear about the validity of what he hears. And what he hears may indeed be quite startling. It may also seem to be quite irrelevant to the presented problem as he perceives it, and may, in fact, confront the teacher with a situation that appears to be very embarrassing to him. All these are judgments that have no value. They are his own, coming from a shabby self-perception which he would leave behind. Judge not the words that come to you, but offer them in confidence. They are far wiser than your own. God’s teachers have God’s Word behind their symbols. And He Himself gives to the words they use the power of His Spirit, raising them from meaningless symbols to the Call of Heaven itself.”

        – A Course in Miracles

      • Wouter Drucker says:

        I saw your replies to some of the people who said that they were perfectly happy with their monogamous relationship. I think it’s important to make a distinction between monogamous relationship where people have no interest in sleeping with others (not sure if that is possible), and monogamous where people do want to sleep with others, but don’t do so, because of a mutual agreement. I would say that only the latter is wrong.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Hi Wouter, thanks for stopping by the blog :) Monogamy is a much bigger problem than just “whether I think I want to have sex with other people or not.” It is one of the cornerstones of body identification and separation from God, and thus is one of the cornerstones of death. It’s too much to explain here though I may attempt to explain some of it in a series of articles beginning with this one –

  133. I think your spot on and many of the comments are taking things out of content. It kind of reminds me what Ted Turner said years back that he was in agreement with the 10 Commandments except for the part about committing adultery. The simple fact is that we all have our ego centric aspects. I have been saying for a long time its the lack of mentality that causes separation, fear the need to conquer and it becomes crystal clear when we have the need to own another person.

  134. heather andres says:

    It’s funny last weekend I had two visitors appear simultaneously at my Christmas Job at the Beauty counter. One was my friend who has been repeatedly abused by men her whole life, and one was a lady that was connecting to pick up two half hour massages to domestic violence survivors.Oddly as we were talking a man walks by with a t-shirt that says “Prostitution is Illegal” on the front and on the back it says, “Whores are dirty.”It was the weirdest t-shirt I had seen in Canton, Ohio – maybe ever!
    My friend says- oh darn i was going to offer him a few bucks…” which was funny.
    It was like out of some Saturday night live version of a life lesson.. I was failing to see the connection until your post jogged this memory.
    It all has to do with separation and judgment… which is a 3-d earth program. Really there is a lesson in self-love there. I was working so I couldn’t get into a big conversation with the guy… but what were the odds of this meeting on the crossroads of chemically induced beauty treatments. I go home and mix vitamin c powder and grapefruit oil on my skin and sell chemical concoctions the rest of the time- networkingand awakening seed planting. My favorite question to children is “what is your superpower?” and wait for a response!:)

    • Nicole Bienfang says:

      I just had to reply to your comment because of the end there! I too have posed the question to children (through my friends that have them via Facebook) what their super powers are. It’s amazing how everything is so clear as a child as to what you are and how you can do anything and then society slowly creeps in an rips you away into this horrible soul crushing false reality. We are all so much powerful than we give ourselves credit for. :)

  135. I love you Erika!

  136. #3 is a bit of a stretch (the mind and the body can be well/sick and influence each other) – but great article! The things you own end up owing you ;)

  137. more about Mr. PostBastard

    • Erika Awakening says:

      Dom, I’m really sorry. I think I tapped too much lol. I don’t seem to be able to remember why I was angry anymore :)

      • Erika Awakening says:

        It’s like the whole thing just vanished tonight hahaha :)

      • What separates you from oneness and what causes all forms of suffering is ‘desire, craving or thirst’, not that this desire should be repressed or neglected but it should be realized that these passions and practices are empty. This feeling of emptiness is what brings the human being to its true self and true nature, desire-less means ego-less, no ego means unconditional love for all beings which in turn produces enlightenment or a great realization. Every time you have sex with someone, you connect with their energy body and you pick up all of their good and bad energies. Polygamy is a breading ground for black forces of nature and it was the main cause for the collapse of ancient Egypt. You people are so quick at criticizing monogamy, you think that the ancients were fools that tried repressing your true nature but soon with a dedicated practice of polygamy you will find out how greatly you were fooled.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Hi Johnny,

        Welcome and thanks for commenting.

        Monogamy is like being racist against the entire planet except your “special snowflake” partner … Everyone else has to use a separate water fountain because you can’t tolerate sharing …

      • Johnny… I would strongly suggest you go back and look at the sutras.. I think you may be using them in a way that was not intended.

        The Buddha himself said there were 800,000 paths, and that the one he was suggesting at that time was only one, so there is no way out there either! No organization has exclusivity on that lineage.

        Secondly, it is not desire, but attachment (the original translation of the 4 noble truths in the early 1900s or so was completely off). Attachment is essentially Habits + the compulsion to continue those habits, and that is what we are to examine and limit in our lives, for without desire, there would be no Path, no words, no enlightenment.

        Lastly, while I may not agree with the OP on all of her fine points, I do understand and agree with the essential idea here of emphasizing compassion for all beings. And sexual monogamy is not necessarily compassionate to yourself, or others. Also.. that thing about Egypt.. is way off my friend. Polyamory (multiple sexual and love partners) was around during prehistoric times, is still around a bit in some tribes, and is making a comeback in modern culture for the precise reason that people want to love more, not less.

        After all.. if you had 3 children, would you only love one of them? 3 brothers/sisters? Aunts and uncles.. and cousins? Why is it different for a romantic partner(s)?

      • Erika, how can you make such a radical, rediculous sweeping statement as that! You’ve just all credibility. If 2 people love each other, and for whatever reason, decide to be monogomous, it doesn’t mean that they hate everyone else on the planet! Which is what you insinuate using the term “rasicm”. Which is also incorrect, as it has nothing to do with race. I have seen both monogamous and polyamourous relationships that work, and don’t work. Everything is about love and connection, and some people have a stronger bond than with others. But they will share their love with everyone else in a different way. not hate. You seem to be the pot calling the kettle black.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Hi Pixieitch,

        The only way we are going to heal this planet is to be honest. Saying I “love” my special snowflake and I want nothing to do with anyone else is not love, it is hate. It is hate the same way it was hate when white people said they didn’t want to sit next to black people. Calling it “love” doesn’t turn it into something it’s not. We can love only as God loves, loving everyone equally.

        Thanks for commenting :)

  138. Elaine Enlightening says:

    What a great eye-opening article.

    My parents divorced when I was a baby and my understanding is that my mom left him because he was promiscuous. I can now see how this created a mistrust of men, the idea that you can’t be both spiritual and sexual, sex is dangerous, sex creates division and complications in the family dynamics (I have many half brothers and sisters.) etc, etc. My church frowned upon premarital sex. Remarriage after divorce is called serial polygamy. There is a big division in beliefs about polygamy and whether it was sanctioned by prophet or not. It’s easy to see how all this is created from the belief in separation, beginning in the Garden of Eden.

    I can now see the possibility of having a soulmate and from that could extend open relationships. We don’t need to limit ourselves when it comes to love and sex. Love being the most powerful force in the Universe. Love will overcome all fears about illness, disease, jealousy, aging and death.

    A few years ago, I questioned everything about marriage. I could see why some people don’t marry. I haven’t resolved all my inner conflicts about that.

    • Elaine Enlightening says:

      I look forward to seeing you expound on the topic of monogamy in the future. Thank you for your clarity and vision in seeing the big picture.

      • I’m pregnant if I hadn’t been monogamous with the man I love how would I know he is the dad

      • Erika Awakening says:

        We’re going to need to have another article about that Laur because parent/child relationships are also special relationships that need to be radically transformed. Thanks and welcome to the blog :)

      • Please write about the Parent/Child relationship. I am already working very hard to figure out how to “unspecial” my own parental circumstances. I’ve been feeling very strongly about the sacredness of childhood and it being the basis for growing up with a healthy loving light, and I truly want you to share your own thinking. I know it’s complicated and I know it might mention incest in ways that will infuriate people, but I think you know that your love will be big enough to absorb their reactions and shed some light on us all.

      • Erika Awakening says:

        Hi Amber,

        Yes very insightful. Of course this all very much threatens the ego’s linchpin, which is the incest taboo. And it too will have to go because it’s the core of “specialness,” yet even I do not feel ready to go there yet. I did write about it a little bit here:

        I will percolate with the request about families. Mainly I see us moving toward communities. The nuclear family is such a huge burden on everyone, it has to go. Are you tapping on a regular basis? I would not have probably been able to make any of these transitions so quickly without the aid of my coaching system. It invites in new possibilities and new solutions. That’s how I solved my “special” situation with my cats –

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