Comments on: Feeling deep sadness tonight

By: Erika

Erika — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 18:56:33 +0000

Hi Saltz,

Thanks for following up, I appreciate your request for clarification. I'm not sure I understand what you're asking when you say "I don't know how to do it perfectly, in fact I still feel things are unresolved."

If a guy doesn't hold space, the best way I can teach him is to communicate honestly. Tell him what doesn't feel good and

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 17:49:38 +0000

Hey Erika, I'm trying your stuff out, and I appreciate your response. But I don't know how to do it perfectly, in fact I still feel things are unresolved, almost like my question was not addressed.

I mean if a guy doesn't know any better and does not properly hold space, isn't that his current natural response? Isn't he like a puppy dog that pees on the rug and

By: Erika

Erika — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 02:47:01 +0000

Saltzer,

thanks for your comment. Yes of course. And at the same time, we honor each other by giving feedback about how things feel. This blog is a lot about raising awareness because our overall cultural conditioning is so non-conducive to deep connection.

When someone tells me that what I said felt disconnecting to them and shares with me their experience, they are giving

By: Erika

Erika — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 02:43:08 +0000

Anonymous 5:08 pm,

thanks for your comment. It helps me be more aware when I do the same thing ... but seriously did you listen to a word I said?

Of course feelings can change. They change a lot faster when we let them be there instead of disconnecting by giving advice.

I am an EFT expert, and EFT incorporates NLP. That said, one of the reasons EFT doesn't

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 02:14:09 +0000

I'm curious, if a given Dude on a given day in a given moment is trying to fix, isn't that his current truth?

If you want him to do something other than what he's doing, isn't that an act of control as well?

Perhaps accepting him where he is, (at a moment when he's not holding space for you) is the real truth of the moment. What is, is...right?

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 01:08:31 +0000

Feelings can be changed...haven't you heard of NLP?

"Energy flows, where attention goes"

Rather than dwell on what was lost, why not think about the wisdom you gained from the experience.

By: Gayla D'Gaia

Gayla D'Gaia — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 19:51:02 +0000

Also, Erika, I like supporting this forum. I like supporting you. I like the mutual connection we share that empowers others. It is a kind of gifting that has empowered me through giving of my honesty and openness here.

I imagine your grief must be challenging to be with if you feel your needs to have it simply acknowledged are not being met.

I imagine that you feel grief

By: Gayla D'Gaia

Gayla D'Gaia — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 19:24:20 +0000

Great response Erika. I just benefitted from your commitment to help people stay centered and open when someone else is sharing their pain. This represents a huge victory in a formerly impossible situation. The truth is, when a man is able to stay present with a woman's pain, the likelihood that she will need to keep attacking or trying to suck energy from him in some other way disappears.

By: Erika

Erika — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:40:33 +0000

I very much appreciate that the intention of all three of these comments is to be helpful, and

I'm still determined to teach you guys how to be with someone's feelings rather than succumbing to the urge to "fix" or advise.

Nobody wants to hear things like "you can't do anything about it." Not only do things like that feel incredibly

By: SMoKeLioN

SMoKeLioN — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 10:03:37 +0000

Sometimes pot helps