Hi Erika,
I agree with you. I feel that Conflict Resolution is way cooler than Conflict Avoidance. As you so elegantly explained with the teenager scenario… If you bottle up your feelings they can consume you.

A little bit of conflict can sometimes be a good thing and lead to positive changes. On Diplomacy, I mean there are ways to confront issues without being overly confrontrational.

Examples of conflict resolution:
1. Him: You’re a jerk. Her: No you’re a bigger jerk. (and the problem never gets solved, and might get brought up in the next argument, due to resentment).
2. Him: You Jerk. Her: Please Stop. I feel you are being disrespectful. Or You are hurting my feelings.

No yelling. No violence. You can take a time out, detach a little bit and resolve a big issue peacefully (which in hindsight is probably a little issue).
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I went off on a little tangent here, because I feel conflict resolution skills is an important value to me. You’re not alone on this issue.

I really apreciate the feedback. You are fun to talk to.
Warmest Regards,
Rich

Hi Rich,

Thanks for commenting. Yea, my issue with what I will call “diplomacy” is that it doesn’t really resolve anything. It avoids it. Not sure if you’ve seen my views on avoidance here: http://erikaawakening.com/twelve-reasons

So we all walk around having no consensus on our values, and often not even any real discussion. Yet that’s the only place there can be a stable foundation for a peaceful society, IMO.

Maybe we succeed in avoiding the issue today … but then all the anger and resentment and conflict just goes underground where it feeds the Shadow Self … and one day BAM you have a teenager go into a school and kill a bunch of kids. And really he’s just expressing all the conflicts that we are all refusing to face.

I feel like I’m standing alone on this issue, that I’m not being heard or understood in the world. That this is the key to resolving the world’s problems, and I don’t know how to be heard. And it sometimes feels quite lonely and overwhelming.

Thanks for being here :)

Love,
Erika

My point is I agree with Erika, wholeheartedly, about losing yourself out of fear of offending others. “Be who you are, Say what you feel…” When you try to please everybody, you often wind up pleasing nobody.

On enrollment(the topic at hand), sometimes you don’t want to say something stupid and lose a sale… or waste your time focusing on the wrong topic… or being in a state of defensiveness, because you are being attacked. Conflict is not inherently attractive. There are ways to end arguments and/or avoid them… like a qualifier(Disclaimer)… changing the subject… kicking the can down the road(let’s finish this discussion later)… Privatizing(we can discuss offline). Use of Nicer, more diplomatic words. There are strategies for both Conflict Avoidance and Conflict Resolution to resolve most situations peacefully.

That being said… different people have different boundaries… and sometimes you have a bad match (personality conflict, etc…). Sometimes: “… those that mind don’t matter, those that matter don’t mind.” I like to try to surround myself with the right people, who allow me the freedom to be myself. That’s my 2 cents.