Dating as a Coach

I posted over on Spiritual Seduction today and will probably continue to post over there, so please make sure you sign up for the RSS feed.

Last night I went on a date with a guy I just met, and it raised some intriguing questions for me.

He was very sexy. There was pretty instant chemistry. He seemed grounded and reflective. I was feeling extremely present for the first time in a while, which felt wonderful. I also felt super relaxed with the holiday ahead of me.

He was a gentleman, which is definitely one of my turn-ons with guys. He picked me up at my apartment and dropped me off home again, he chose a nice restaurant (Andalu in the Mission), dropped me off there while he parked so I wouldn’t have to walk (especially appreciated when the girl is wearing high heels), and paid for dinner without any hesitation at all. The dinner (tapas style, including an absolutely scrumptious dessert) was delicious, and the conversation was fun. He’s a musician who loves music so much that he dreams of having a grand piano in his house.

Well, we pretty quickly dropped into deep comfort conversation. Then the energy shifted dramatically. I felt it first in my third eye, which is the seat of intuition: a headache between my eyebrows. Which I mentioned because that’s how I am — very transparent.

Not long after that, he started sharing with me a lot of darker feeling stories. Frustration with the hip hop industry and what it teaches youngsters. And next about his years-long relationship that broke up about six months ago.

This is where it becomes interesting to date as a coach and healer. As he tuned into these experiences, the painful feelings in my body increased. He said he was pretty much over it, but he’s not. I am an empath. My clients often tell me that I can feel what they feel and often can read their minds. It’s not really any different when I go on a date. As he tuned into these old wounds, what I felt in my body was third eye blocked, and rage and grief in my solar plexus and all across my mid-section. (I can tune into people’s energy when they send me emails, too. It’s pretty much a constant thing now. I can feel the energy of men approaching me from behind before I’ve even seen them. Etc.)

So I told him this, what I was feeling, and then he acknowledged he was feeling it too. More layers of grief, anger, resentment, and frustration started coming to the surface. I appreciated his willingness to be open and vulnerable and honest. I also felt tremendous compassion. But at the same time I was experiencing so much dark energy in my body that I wasn’t sure what to do. When emotions like that arise in myself, I clear them as quickly as possible so I can bounce back to happiness and joy.

If I were Erika Awakening Coaching Page, I would know exactly what to do to clear this. What he’s carrying around is pretty heavy, so I estimate it would take about five sessions. It’s probably rooted deep in the past, in childhood experiences that he doesn’t even realize are connected to the present moment.

But what do I do on a date, where I want the man to lead, and I’m not interested in trying to “fix” him? How much do I invest in a man who seems to have a lot to offer and yet who I know won’t be able to be truly present, happy, and alive with me until this stuff is healed? What if he doesn’t know how to heal it? Do I help him?

I don’t know. Terrance suggested I explore it more by exposing myself to more of it. I may do that, especially because there was chemistry and attraction, and I have set a new intention not to disconnect from people even when the going gets rough.

Stay tuned …

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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  1. dating london says:

    my advice would be to just let yourself do the "job" without making it a job, if you come to really love this man you would do anything and everything to make him happy and so long as it doesn't overwhelm the relationship then let the healing be part of the relationship.

    My husband and i met through a

  2. Hi Beautiful!

    First I want to send you sincere gratitude for saying yes to your path, Erika… for being a light, for loving so much and for staying so awake and for sharing so deeply and with so much commitment.

    I realize more and more that my freedom from the darkness, suffering is a gift because, in part, I would not be carrying those energies into connections with

  3. Thanks for sharing, Daria.

    Yeah, I do that too. Even just by getting present with the energy in the moment without any EFT. Truth is I am doing that constantly as I go about my day, with everyone. I use my body as an energy transformer. In fact one guy told me that I was like a sponge soaking in negativity so that it disappeared.

    All good, but this was BIG energy. I have

  4. This is what i do. I've just recently started realizing the energy is that of the other person and not mine.

    I hold the energy as if its mine (even if its theirs, i can feel it so now i can "own" it)

    I treat myself as if its mine on the spot: Mental EFT, Emotrancing, riffing (i love my horrible tightness in my third eye, and That (the love) feels like… xyxy

  5. Erika,

    I really appreciate the fullness of your sharing.

    What came to me intuitively:
    – Checking in with your Highest guidance as to whether it's optimal for you to offer to help him
    – If you get that it is, asking him if he wants that help
    – Proceed or not accordingly – after you've both checked in with your own guidance, you may find that you have a

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