Condoms revisited

Today I’m going to do something I rarely do on this blog: apologize.

It has come to my attention over the past week or so that an article I posted many months ago has been very misinterpreted.

For those just joining us now, by way of background, I posted a very controversial article expressing my misgivings about condoms.

To be perfectly clear, I was NOT giving anybody advice about whether THEY should use condoms. Anyone who reads this blog (or any other source of information for that matter) MUST take full responsibility for him- or herself and his or her choices. I studiously avoid giving anyone traditional-style advice in part because I am well aware the only way YOU will be successful at whatever it is you are trying to do is to tune in to YOUR intuition (not blindly follow any guru’s advice, no matter how well meaning).

It is true that I do not always use condoms, but I also have had relatively few partners in my lifetime (fewer than one per year since I started having sex) and I do not recklessly move forward with anything if intuition cautions me against it. I have been tested for diseases many times and have been blessed with sexual health, including most recently being tested in December.

I am also well aware that my belief system in this area is far “healthier” than many other people’s, meaning I don’t have a lot of fear, so I tend not to attract negative situations.

Unfortunately, articles are not always received with the intention with which they were written, because the reader always brings to the article his or her own belief system and will read it through that lens.

The fact that people will interpret everything through their own belief system was brought home to me yesterday on Facebook, when I posted the following status update:

many people make the mistake of avoiding people or situations that trigger uncomfortable feelings inside of them … the most powerful thing is to do the exact opposite, and move toward your discomfort :)

As an example of this, I mentioned that if I’m out and someone is acting obnoxious, instead of writing him off as a jerk, I’ll often go over and express my concern, very often leading to him changing his behavior.

One fellow responded as follows:

A lot of people get categorized as jerks but are really nice people. But when you say to go up and tap em on the shoulder… Sorry, I have first hand experience that this can be a VERY VERY BAD idea. Mind you, I AM the kind of guy who always practices the kind of behaviour that you’re talking about, but a few years ago I did so to an innocuous individual who I had a very bad feeling aobut but no reason for the bad feeling. A therapist at a party suggested just what you did, and it initiated a year of hell for me and my friends that ended in slander, job loss, date rape a lot of unhappiness. I just lost some friends and consider myself lucky. that innocuous individual turned out to be deeply disturbed and very predatory, and simply reaching out to them was the all they needed.

Granted it’s a rare situation, but one should never put one’s safety ahead of common sense for the sake of HBR or any other theory or belief.

Immediately, the parallel with my condom article flashed into my mind. Yes, other people HAVE had bad experiences, doing exactly the same things that I do.

I can walk up to someone and confront them about obnoxious behavior without fearing for my safety, whereas some other people cannot.

Why is that?

Because they have a different belief system than I do.

This was my response to Facebook Guy:

I don’t advise anyone ever to put themselves in situations that feel physically dangerous. The reason I don’t give advice is that every person’s belief system is different so Holistic Belief Reprogramming must be custom tailored by each person. With the situation you are describing, there is a huge amount of subconscious fear that is actually attracting dangerous situations. If I were working with someone who had that level of fear, we would clear old traumas, emotions, and beliefs until the fear dissolved, then such situations would no longer be attracted.

There have been many conflicts I worked out privately within myself with HBR before reaching a level of discomfort that was low enough for me to address the person in the real world. The key though is that I did not avoid the discomfort, I addressed it and erased it.

This really got me thinking though. How can I effectively convey what I am trying to convey on this blog without being misinterpreted?

How can I bridge to other people’s realities and current belief systems and help them cross over to a “safer” belief system while also acknowledging the current state of un-safety in which they find themselves?

Then this metaphor popped into my head and I added it to the thread:

You know how they say dogs and wild animals can sense fear and will attack?

Same with people. The answer is to erase the fear.

This can only be accomplished by changing your subconscious beliefs about the world.

(Same with diseases, too, folks. There is a physical “cause” in the world, but people with healthy immune systems can be exposed to all kinds of germs without getting sick. What makes people vulnerable to disease are emotional and spiritual weaknesses.)

Look, at the end of the day, I am a pragmatist.

I still employ “defenses.” I wear a helmet when I ski. I wear a seatbelt when I drive. I haven’t yet canceled my insurance policies. Last month, we used condoms during sex, though I will admit I still felt very ambivalent about it because it allowed us to have sex without first addressing the fears that get covered up by using condoms.

But I use all of those defenses while simultaneously becoming increasingly conscious of the fears that prompt me to use them, and then I use HBR to erase those fears. By erasing the fears, I make it less and less likely that anything “bad” will happen to me.

Indeed, these days when I lose something, even my wallet, it generally gets returned to me with all the money still in it. This is because I have changed my beliefs about the world, and I now attract highly positive outcomes in virtually every area of my life.

Need I even mention, that if you have enough fear, you can wear helmets, seatbelts, and condoms and still get hurt.

So … follow your inner guidance. If you have fear, do not charge recklessly ahead with anything that feels physically dangerous to you.

But simultaneously, become aware that the FEAR is actually the root of the problem.

Become aware of the beliefs that are supporting those fears, and begin to question those beliefs.

Are those beliefs really true, or are your fears SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECIES?

When you clear out all your fears, your life will be far safer. Mine is.

(No, I don’t have time to explain this fully right now, and if you are tempted to argue with me, just remember what everyone already knows to be true: animals can sense fear and will tend to attack in its presence. That same principle applies to everything in life. Your fear will attract attack and negative outcomes. So you must get rid of the fear.)

It IS possible to clear out so much fear that you can walk anywhere in the world, naked, and be safe. But most of us aren’t there yet. So use your common sense in the meantime.

And always, always, always, take full responsibility for every choice you make. Never give your power away to ANYONE.

Thanks for reading.

This is my method for erasing fear: As I have erased my fears, and changed my belief system, every area of my life has improved. HBR can do the same for you.

This is how, ultimately, you will create the life of your dreams.

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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  1. AJason Lim says:

    What I got from your article is another dimension in explaining the law of state (of mind) transference and law of attraction. Very True. I'm trying to figure out my own state of mind, and erase all of my fears. Thank you for adding knowledge to the world

  2. I can relate to what you're talking about, Erika – a while back I wrote a blog post called My Fight for the Joy of Being Defenseless which is very closely related to what you're talking about. The foundation is the same, the expression is different.

    And about the germs /

  3. Would you post a link to the condom article please?

    A few weeks ago, I spent several days with a lover who had the flu. She was beside herself with concern that I would get sick from sleeping with her. I told her that I wasn't at all concerned about it, that catching her virus from her involved energetics more than biology, and that in any case if I did get sick I'd consider it

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