Are you avoiding someone? Here’s why it will never work …

Here’s an issue that has come up this week for several of my coaching clients, and the results have been so powerful that I feel compelled to share with you … but first a question: Who are YOU avoiding in your life? Are you avoiding your ex? Are you avoiding an old friend you had an argument with? Have you cut ties with someone in your family?

Do you *really* believe avoidance is solving your problem?

If you answered yes, think again … I can assure you … all you are doing by avoiding someone is ensuring that you yourself will never have full healing and peace, and you will never have everything you want in life. In fact, I guarantee it.

In December, I went to see Roger Waters in concert, performing The Wall. It was a truly amazing show, and the T-shirts that the little kids were wearing during the song “Another Brick in the Wall” summed it up in three words:

Fear Builds Walls.

If you are avoiding someone (building walls), you are TERRIFIED. And lest you deceive yourself, let’s make this very clear: your avoidance is not about them. The person you are scared of is YOURSELF. Anything you don’t like in somebody else is nothing more than a projection … of what you hate about yourself.

Yep. That’s the truth. There’s no point arguing with me about this, because it won’t change the reality. If you were truly a fearless person, living your life fully in your strength, always communicating with power and authenticity, living in perfect love, you would not have any reason to avoid ANYONE.

So if you are avoiding someone … if you are avoiding anyone … you have a LONG way to go to reach full empowerment.

Or … you can save yourself years of misery and take the short path … pick up the phone and call the person you’ve been avoiding. Send him or her an email to reconnect. Otherwise, prepare to keep suffering, cuz that’s what will happen if you insist on continuing your avoidance strategies.

This is tough love, folks. It’s time for you to reconnect with exactly the people who most want to avoid. Don’t do it because I said so. Do it because it is the most powerful thing you’ll ever do FOR YOURSELF. Your whole life is going to take a quantum leap in the direction of fulfilling your fondest dreams when you stop avoiding anyone.

To make this principle more vivid and real, here are some examples from my coaching clients this week.

I’m working with a man in my 15-week Miracle Coaching Program who had mentioned several times that he was upset and frustrated because he kept emailing his ex, and she was not responding to his emails. Yet in the same call, he mentioned that he was not responding to another woman’s communications with him. Why? Because he was judging the woman he was avoiding as “weak.” She “made him uncomfortable.”

Well, I explained a very simple, yet very powerful, concept. Life is a mirror. So when he judges and avoids the woman who “makes him uncomfortable,” he invites other people (like his ex) to do the same thing to him. And he keeps himself unhealed. Because whatever it is he doesn’t like in the woman he is avoiding is something that he hates about himself. If he avoids her, he deprives himself of an opportunity to get clarity and healing for whatever aspect of himself he is not yet accepting. I told him that if he wanted his ex to start communicating, he must start communicating with the woman he was avoiding.

Sure enough, he sent me an email today saying that, almost immediately after he started communicating again with the woman he had been avoiding, his ex stopped avoiding him and responded to his email.

This is karma, folks. And unless you understand how it works, it will bite you in the ass. You won’t understand why your problems are not getting solved because you are not looking where you need to look. In fact, you are AVOIDING exactly the place you need to be exploring.

See what I mean?

Here’s another example, so you can see that this works exactly the same way for men and women. Last night I had a fourth session with a woman who is about to begin my 15-week Miracle Coaching Program next week.

She really wants to improve her love life, and she mentioned that she had been avoiding her ex. I explained to her that, unless she gets things fully healed with her ex, she will continue to carry the unhealed wounds and baggage into any new relationships she starts. So it’s very important to get what some healers call “completion” with her ex, which really means forgiveness. We did a bunch of What Is Holistic Belief Reprogramming? to release old hurt and anger in her relationships with men, including her ex.

Well, lo and behold, not even 24 hours have passed yet since our session, and I received this email from her this morning (she gave me her permission to share it with all of you, to inspire you to heal your relationships):

just got off the phone w/ my X………

opened up a space to share authentically…..

cried and let go of old anger, resentment, bitterness

AND was able to share that w/ him right on the phone……amazing!!!!!

i could feel that old energy leave my cells and auric field!!!!!

this stuff is soooooooooooo powerful!!!

thank u and a huge whoooooooooooooo hooooooooooooo

– Jessica

Do you see how fast this healing process can happen when you stop avoiding people and face things instead?

The most important thing to realize, and why I repeat it over and over again, is that there is only one person in this world you can hate and avoid: YOURSELF. Do you really want to continue hating and avoiding yourself?

Or would you like to see and experience the miracles that will happen when you start embracing everyone, thereby embracing and healing all parts of yourself?

With much love and appreciation for all of you,

Erika Awakening
Founder of Holistic Belief Reprogramming
The most powerful system of transformation on the planet today

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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  1. Thatmetroguy says:

    Disagreed. Avoiding people who has wronged you does solve the problem. If I don’t like someone due to their aggressive behavior or bad attitude, then I’m within my rights to cut that person out of my life. Like right now I’m avoiding a female coworker who has a attitude problem and is very bossy so I want nothing to do with her.

  2. I have a daughter who has destroyed the family by making horrific allegations. She continues to avoid me. I have left the door open, but she thinks her family is toxic. SHE WENT SO FAR TO TELL LIES TO THE COURT SO OTHER PEOPLE CAN CARE FOR HER. I PRAY FOR HER. MY FRIENDS PRAY AND NOW I FOUND OUT SHE IS AVOIDING HER TEMPORARY GUARDIAN ALSO. As a mom it breaks my heart to see her do this! She works and goes to school. Unfortunately not receiving counseling as I had hoped. The grandparents don’t like her because she has tried to destroy my career and imprison me for something her dad did and the people taking of her say lies about me.

  3. Sorry but this article is garbage. What about violent abusive people? Sorry but dome people do not deserve to be in your life. There are many tines I have called out abusive people and cut then out if my life. I have no regrets. I am not avoiding them I simply want nothing to do with them. This advice sucks and is negative because it us encouraging people to keep losers in their lives which will do nothing but hold you back.

    • Really?

    • You do not have to keep abusive people in your life, but it is true at some point you have to forgive and let go. I have to work on it. I still pay for the garbage 13 years later. I have not figured out how to let go. I hope church will guide me in the right direction. I was also a victim of a bad former spouse. Thanks to him my daughter hates me along with the current abusive people taking care of her now. I pray she survives. It kills me inside to know that she hates her own mom when I have tried to protect her. I know I am not the best parent, but I certainly am not the monster she says I am.

  4. Hi Erika. Any suggestions for if you are the one being avoided? An (ex) friend of mine has been avoiding me for over 6 years and she cut all possible ways of getting in touch (no phone, email, cut all ties with people we knew in common and disappeared). When this happened I faced the problem in my own life and stopped avoiding people who had upset/annoyed me. She appeared back briefly last year and I took the time to write a letter to her. She ignored that and promptly disappeared again. I understand she is no friend, but it doesn’t help the damage the loss caused. She gave no reason for her disappearance and all our friends are mystified as to her decision.

  5. Join our Facebook coaching group .. Get my new product, http://tap I understand your question is not about sex … Trust me .. The fears we release in this product are at the core of what you are struggling with

  6. I’m avoiding someone at the moment, due to their childish games, in my head, I’m saying “once they stop playing games with me, I will start communicating”. Am I solving the problem or making it worse?!!

    • Hi MJ,

      “Childish games” is your projection. Your interpretation. Your gloss on facts that could surely be interpreted many other ways.

      So you turn it around and ask yourself, “how am I playing childish games here?”

      And then you let go the interpretation and look only at the facts. You might also try asking yourself, “is there an interpretation of this situation that would feel better to me?” a more generous interpretation, perhaps.


  7. smileyiiz says:

    This is my problem, if a friend stated that her lesson is to stay far away from me, then as a friend, shouldn’t I avoid her as a way to show my respect for her decision? Having said that, how can I not be tempted to avoid her?

  8. Thanks for sharing :)
    I love reading about real time healing and testimonials. Yay!

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