There’s a lot to say about this, but I’ll just focus on one scenario.
Let’s say, hypothetically, that a woman has just had sex with a man for the first time. Now maybe there are some women out there who have sex recreationally and are emotionally detached from it. But let’s say hypothetically that we are talking about a woman who is opening herself up emotionally to a man when she becomes physically intimate with him.
Okay. Now what happens after she sleeps with him for the first time? She is probably feeling a little vulnerable. She’s probably looking to see whether her intuition about this guy was correct, whether he is in fact a sincere, solid, emotionally stable, “sexworthy” guy. (I love that term, sexworthy, though I use it tongue in cheek.) Whether he is going to stick around and be someone she can count on emotionally.
That’s why it’s important to continue leading after sex. There is a tendency for some guys to think, okay, now we’ve had sex and I can relax. And he may become less attentive and not continue the masculine leading stuff he did that got him the girl in the first place. She may become a little scared or less attracted if that happens. His leading is part of what created the initial chemistry and attraction, and it’s important to keep that.
Also, as a girl, it feels horrible to chase a guy for a relationship. Chasing after a man is something that I simply will not do at this point in my life, no matter how much I’ve already invested in the relationship. So how is momentum going to be maintained in the relationship? By the guy continuing to lead. Continuing to initiate and set up dates and practice chivalry and so forth. I recommend that a guy set up the next date during or immediately following the previous one. It shows leadership and confidence and sincerity. It gives the woman a reason to continue thinking about a man because she is looking forward to the next time she’ll be seeing him.
Think of leading as creating a safe “structure” for a budding relationship. A woman’s deepest emotional feminine energy needs that structure as a safe place to come out and play. The more emotionally safe she feels (assuming that attraction and excitement continue to be present also), the more of her heart you’re going to get to see. Deep emotional intimacy has a chance to thrive in the structured space that is created when a man leads.
Infinity actually said it best in his comments on my Emotional Process of Physical Escalation post:
“What it comes down to is your ability to begin and manage a relationship that you want to pursue. If you really feel like the interaction is worth it, then you will treat it as well as you can.
“Neglect is NOT an option. And when it comes down to it, you’d want to be treated the same way.”
Indeed. If a man wants to reap the rewards of deeper emotional intimacy, neglect is not an option.
I welcome your feedback, as I’m just starting to clarify my own thoughts about this.
About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening
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