On Tuesday night, I had a really powerful Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) session with my friend Kate Winch. I left her apartment feeling so much lighter. The last of any residual hurt or anger melted away as if it had never existed, and all the thoughts that went with those emotions disappeared, too. And since then it feels like the doors of my heart have been flung wide open. Like I’ve surrendered into love without knowing what direction it is going in, without knowing anything really. I can feel it so intensely though. Loving and being loved.
Right now I’m enjoying my favorite time of day, as the evening light softens in the pine trees outside this window, with the blue mountains in the background. It was raining, and there are still droplets on the pine needles. Last night, I saw the most unimaginably beautiful thunderstorm ever. Better than any Fourth of July. Mostly, I feel my heart wide open, with love radiating in and out, so intense, so wonderful.
Now, back to Hristiyan’s workshop, and the third theme I wanted to discuss: taking off our masks.
Cameron Teone has talked a lot about what he doesn’t like about the seduction community and pickup artists (PUAs). A lot of times I resist his perspective because it feels too negative to me, and I like to focus my attention on the positive aspects of what people are offering. But one thing at Hristiyan’s workshop really did resonate with what Cameron has said: the three students in the workshop who had spent a lot of time with community teachings had adopted various “personas” (a swagger here, a pickup line there, a crazy hairstyle), and these masks were interfering with their ability to connect with women.
We all have our masks. Smiling and telling someone to have a good day when we are actually seething with anger is one of the most common. Why don’t we say, “I’m really fucking pissed off right now and don’t even want to talk to you”? Because we’ve been taught that it’s not “nice.” It’s not “polite.” It’s not “acceptable” or “appropriate.”
And guess what? That anger doesn’t go away. It goes underground, where it brews and festers and feeds the shadow self.
I’d much rather someone say, “You know I’m not going to do this because I don’t believe in violence, but honestly I am so angry that I feel like beating the crap out of you.”
Why? Because the very second they acknowledge their own feelings, they feel less angry. They may even start laughing, realizing how ridiculous it sounds.
Whereas if they don’t acknowledge their anger, they will resort to a bunch of “in the head” stuff — like long strings of judgments, diagnoses, analysis, etc. Have you ever noticed that angry people use lots of words and don’t really say anything worth hearing? They are really venting energy …
Today a guy told me that he had “tempered” his anger by offering guidance and love to other people. I said: “You haven’t tempered your anger. You have covered it up with bullshit.”
Anger can’t be covered up with a mask of “love” and “good will.” It must be expressed and released, or it will never be gone.
Or how about pretending to pay attention to what someone else is saying when actually we are lost in our own thoughts? Another mask. I try to stop myself from doing this by saying, “you know I’m really preoccupied right now. If you give me five minutes to clear this energy from my system, I’ll be more focused on what you are saying.”
During the workshop, we went out one night to a bar. One man from the workshop showed up with spiky hair, dressed to impress, and we didn’t even recognize him. We were shocked when he reached out to say hello. We thought he was a stranger. He had changed his look so radically, and he seemed to have adopted a “pickup” persona.
The next morning, Hristiyan (how I admire his ability to be blunt) said to him: “Who was that who showed up last night? I didn’t recognize him. It was like some teenager. It wasn’t you. Who was that?”
Meanwhile, the women that the guy had talked to at the bar didn’t feel connected to him either. It seemed like he was hiding something. We couldn’t “feel” him. It was as if he had taken the night off and sent someone else in his place.
So many of us are walking around wearing masks. We identify ourselves by our jobs or by our heritage or by the schools we attended. We think we need a fancy pickup line or sexy clothes or lots of money or a flashy car to impress people. But no one is actually impressed. Sure, they might make a big deal out of the car or the clothes or the money. But inside they are usually feeling uncomfortable, and asking themselves, what is this person compensating for that they need to show off in this way?
There is so much power in being simple. Stripping off all the layers of bullshit, wearing clothes that are comfortable, being present, and connecting. And forget about “high value” and “low value.” Forget about rating girls. It’s all bullshit. Everyone is equal. Everyone has something to offer us, and it’s our job to find out what that is. It sounds so simple, and yet almost no one is doing it.
Hristiyan is putting together another workshop. It may be July 10-12 in Los Angeles. If anyone is interested, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, and I’ll put you in touch with him. If you have outgrown pickup and would like to have real, beautiful, deep connections with women, this is the workshop for you.
About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening
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