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How to Attract Women: Push Pull Seduction Explored PUA

How to Attract Women: Push Pull Seduction Explored PUA

All right, so the very fun article below was written by my friend Eight. We are talking about the art of push-pull seduction. Eight actually is not a new PUA (for the uninitiated, PUA means “pickup artist”). He has been around and has gone by other names. He has even commented on this blog a few times, mostly when he became concerned that I might never have sex again ;-)

He posted this awesome article on Paragon Project which is a PUA forum.

So now I’m turning it over to PUA Eight, and I’ll be back with some of my own commentary at the end of his article:

Push Pull Seduction Explored

I’m going to refer to the movie “Twilight” in this article, because it’s a great example of Push Pull in action.

The Player is one of the first guys who come to mind whenever I think of PUSH game. He’s a great PUSHER. Constantly playing-with, and challenging the girl to prove herself to him. Girls WANT a PUSHER, because he’s so hard to get. They chase.

In the beginning of the movie “Twilight”, the vampire dude, Edward, is ALL push. He makes it clear he wants nothing to do with her. He says things like “if you were smart, you’d stay away from me”, and “just forget about me, let it go”. Notice how the girl reacts. She can’t get him out of her mind. She pursues him.

There are other guys, like myself, who are very PULL oriented. Constantly taking things sexual and PULLING the girl in with reward of positive emotions. Girls WANT a PULLER, because he’s so intense. They submit.

Again, in “Twilight”, notice how Edward is all PULL once she knows he’s a vampire. He keeps saying things like “You’re my own personal brand of heroin” and “I’ve never wanted a human as badly as I want you”. It’s like a dagger of sweet poison to the girl’s heart, further increasing her desire for him.

What’s the most solid path here? To be a PULLER or a PUSHER?

The answer is: BOTH!

To send mixed messages, to Push AND Pull. But alot of guys think about this too literally, and they try to seperate the two, or they rely too heavily on one or the other. Or they use them at the wrong times.

Let’s swing back to our character study here, and see why all the girls love the “Twilight” movie: because it’s a story of Push Pull seduction.

And here’s what I really want to emphasize about Push Pull..

It’s not just a duality.. it can actually be effectively used as a PROGRESSION!

Push –> Pull/Push in Conflict –> Pull

Let’s start with PUSH.

The thing about pushing is, alot of guys think that the Pushing itself is what makes girls attracted. It’s not. You need to already DHV yourself somehow. The pushing is a placebo effect. It’s an AMPLIFIER of your DHV, by making her want it more because it’s harder to get.

It could be your looks. It could be your sense of humor. It could be your style. Your presence. Your charisma. Whatever. We all have natural DHV’s, it’s just a matter of figuring out what yours are, and honing your most attractive qualities.

In other words, you should already be able to draw out IOI’s or SOI’s from her… to be able to generate basic Interest.

Push Pull works best as a way to “Launch” off of her Interest, into generating Attraction.

So once she’s throwing signals at you, pushing comes into play, as a flirtation technique. Challenging. You can do it two ways:

Making yourself a challenge
Disqualify yourself

“I’m bad for you. I’m such a nympho. I’d just get you addicted to sex.”

“I’m a heartbreaker. You’d end up falling in love with me. Let’s just be friends.”

Challenging the girl
Disqualify her

“You’re too young for me. I’d have to hold your hand when we cross the street and stuff, and buy you popsicles all the time.”

“You’re so conservative. I like girls who are passionate and fun.”

Whenever you make challenges, be sure to make the challenging statement with an EXPLANATION. Don’t just say “you’re too shy” or “I’m too tall for you”. You need to explain why that is a disqualifier, even if your reason is silly or humorous.

Again, like all attraction techniques, an always solid route is a middle-path that combines the two. Use both. Disqualify yourself, and her, to bait her into disagreeing with you and proving herself, or explaining why the two of you WOULD be good together.

Another duality comes into focus here, where the TONALITY of how you CHALLENGE can be one of two methods:

Serious

or

Playful

This really depends on your personality and whatever vibe you have rocking with the girl.

Swinging back into the progression here.. once your Challenges have begun to take noticeable effect (she’s chasing you, or qualifying herself), then you can swing into a CONFLICT of Pull and Push.

This is where you begin expressing intent, with simultaneous messages of Disqualification.

You begin pulling, but you PUSH yourself, or her, away.

Express intent, then use it as an excuse to disqualify her, yourself, or the idea of the two of you being together.

An example would be:

“I’m beginning to like you too much. We can’t hang out anymore.”

So what we’re talking about here is a PULL, capped off with a PUSH.

This works well when the girl has already responded to your PUSH phase, by being lured in. Don’t do it earlier, because it won’t work too well before you’ve gotten her invested in you.

The desired response is, of course, that she responds by further qualifying. Qualifying either herself, (“I’ll be a good girl, I promise!”), or qualifying you (“Noo.. I like you! Stay!”).

Once she’s invested on this level and qualified, you can move into pure PULL.

This is expressing solid INTENT. It’s your REWARD to her.

Usually at this phase, I don’t use words to pull. My pulling is primarily physical.. Intense eye-contact (aka “Eye-sex”), close physical proximity.. Sexual touching.. Dominant physicality (pulling her against me.. pressing myself against her..).

Words in the “Pull” phase, I find, can get corny or sappy really easily, and guys who aren’t too experienced with it may actually fuck up by making Low Value statements such as “I Neeeed you” and “I want you so badly, it makes me cry!”.. So, I recommend you don’t even BOTHER to Pull verbally.. trust in your physicality to communicate that for you.

You can maintain playful or serious Push/Pull flirting if you feel an absolute need to be verbal during the PULL phase. Just make sure the physical aspect is there to trigger her body’s natural, instinctive, sexual response triggers.

So there you have it. Push Pull Seduction in a nutshell.

Push (be a challenge, bait her to disagree)–> Pull/Push (communicate intent, disqualify, bait her to qualify herself or you)–> Pull (reward with sexual physicality).

Game on!

*****************************************

Awesome article about push pull seduction, don’t you think? I told you I have great taste in men :-)

Anyway, let’s now throw in Erika’s spiritual twist on push-pull. I have quoted the Tao before on this blog:

“Be really whole, and all things will come to you.”

Push-pull is really nothing more than another form of “wholeness.” Deep down, all of us want love, and all of us are scared of love. So in truth we have mixed feelings. When someone expresses all push or all pull, we feel scared or disconnected.

Whereas … when someone expresses both sides of that push-pull duality to us in some way, shape, or form, we feel understood and we feel comfortable. We feel free to be ourselves. We feel our own wholeness. And that’s when we can become one with the other person. The implications of which are obvious for seduction purposes ;-)

Presto: Push Pull Seduction.

Ok, tonight was my last night of Integrating the Shadow Self and immersing myself in Deep Inner Game.

Tomorrow … normal social activities recommence. So make sure to check back here often for all of my latest seduction adventures. As PUA Eight says, “Game on!”

Be Sure to Check Out: How to Attract Women – The Ultimate Guide by Erika Awakening

Love,

erika awakening

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. Mervin says:

    Hey Erica,

    I am new to this push/pull method and I find it very intriguing. Could you kindly provide more examples for me in how to structure a good push pull sentence? I guess whatever I do, I just have to make sure that I can give her a compliment and then critisize her? In your post, you did begin some sentences with a pull and some with a push, does it matter which way you do it? thanks!

    • Hi Mervin,

      Glad you enjoyed the article, and thanks for the question. Well, this article was written many years ago, and we have evolved greatly since then. At this point, we question the value of seduction at all. It seems very often to be driven by the ego rather than a desire for true connection.

      I would rather recommend going within and addressing the inner conflicts there that a push-pull method is attempting indirectly to articulate … most of us crave intimacy while fearing it at the same time. When we can be honest with ourselves and do the inner work, such as in the 30-Day Sexual Abundance Challenge (http://tapsmarter.com/30-days-to-sexual-power/) … all kinds of new ways of looking at things arise …

  2. Johnette says:

    Is that really all there is to it because that’d be flbaberagsntig.

  3. Margaret says:

    Erika,

    Well said you put some stuff into perspective for me. Leaning back is a technic we use to hold yourself back so to speak when you are pushed from within by some old habit neediness, desperation but i feel once you have loved your feelings and accepted them then if leaning forward i.e. flirting is an authentic expression of who you are…how sexy is that!!!

    Margaret

  4. Michael says:

    Loveable if you do accept yourself fully, and also if you don’t.

    It also makes you a woman.

  5. Erika says:

    @ Margaret,

    Welcome to the blog and thanks for commenting. I appreciate you being here and sharing your insights. “Superstar siren” … lol :-) As far as “leaning back,” that’s a metaphor that the PUA community uses too, and it works for some people. It doesn’t really work for me. I wasn’t really able to separate “leaning back” from “holding back,” which is not helpful in forming deeper connections with people. In many ways what helped me most with men was learning how to reveal myself more and more (which sometimes meant taking the initiative to flirt) while at the same time caring less and less about their opinion of me (thus reducing outcome dependence and keeping things much more playful and light). Definitely most of the relationships I’ve had that ended up deepening, the guy made the first move. But I did a lot of playing and flirting back and investing in them emotionally, or else it would not have been able to deepen. In some ways, I believe that another person can only fall in love with us if we are willing to fall in love with them. I’d be curious, Margaret, whether any of this resonates with you.

    @ Michael, I continue to appreciate deeply your acceptance of my ups and downs and twists and turns. I’m sure it’s not necessary to tell you that each of the steps you described was an essential step in integrating this recent experience. I often tell guys that if pickup were boiled down to one word, it would be SELF-ACCEPTANCE. In truth, our little twists and turns and foibles make us endearing and lovable, if we accept ourselves fully.

    @SMoKeLioN, I agree with you that being willing to express our interest in another person — and even direct sexual intent — can be very effective. It sounds like it has been very effective for you. Two guys with two different belief systems, though, will have entirely different results making the same “direct” approach. Even if the words being used are direct, the successful guy’s vibe may be conveying a version of “push-pull,” i.e., a level of confidence where the girl can feel that he is not dependent on her response for his self-esteem. Whereas the other guy will be subcommunicating doubt, hesitation, or overbearingness (which is really just a coverup for fear). That resonate at all?

  6. Anonymous says:

    Hey Erika,

    Margaret from Rori’s blog here….very interesting… love your comments I am also trying to figure out how this works with leaning back. I feel this is what Rori terms “superstar siren”. Your boundaries are so strong. But this is only at the beginning, afterwards the real game is on especially for the PUA =)

  7. Michael says:

    Well, there’s you microcalibrating all you want, babe, and there’s also microcalibrating to YOU.

    There’s receiving a particular post … and there’s receiving you going from ready to be seduced all over again to no sex before marriage to strident to dear God where am I going I need to heal.

    One word: yes.

  8. SMoKeLioN says:

    “SmokeLion – “1) You pull girl in physically or verbally. Girl thinks, “Hey! That was hot! He likes me so I like him now” This is a common approach that alot of AFC’s, or “Chodes” believe, that by telling the girl you like her she will instantly like you back. These guys find themselves dismayed when the girl gives them the “let’s just be friends” speech.”

    You’re confusing conveying that you like someone with expressing your interest in someone.

    If you think its afc to express direct sexual intent in a girl, then you have a lot to learn about being a man.

    Maybe the fact that I’m extremely good looking has swayed my results in that girls want me to like them. But when you get down to it, most people want others to at the very least understand them, and then furthermore like/appreciate them for who they are. And the fact is, psychologically, when someone shows that they like us we are conditioned to tend to like them as well.

  9. Erika says:

    Mmmmmmm … Eight :-)

  10. Eight says:

    Interesting “spiritual” take on Push/Pull, Erika.

    It’s a stark-contrast to the logical perspective I presented. A beautiful difference between the male and female mind.

    When it comes down to “game” and “attraction”, there are two general approaches to grasping some level of understanding and competence.

    On the one hand, you can approach it like a game. There ARE certain moves that have merit when played correctly. An intentional withdrawal of validation, or a momentary emotional disconnect, when wielded by someone who understands social dynamics, can really open a person up. This isn’t just theory, you’ve no doubt experienced this yourself in your life many times.

    I don’t really follow the Venusians anymore, but I believe they refer to this tactic as a “breaking of rapport”. I could be wrong about their use of the terminology, but judging from the phrase, it sounds fitting.

    Like the ripping off of a bandage, it can result in temporary “pain”.. or in the game of attraction, an internal tinge of sadness or confusion. Capping it off with an expression of interest, or a pull, it’s like kissing the boo-boo to make it all better.

    The other approach to this concept is the broad, general sense. “Be hot, be cold, be there, be gone” Take the person on a roller-coaster ride of emotions.

    The problem with this approach is it’s not really useful advice, especially to guys who are really reading things and applying it to their daily lives. It’s so broad-sweeping that it borders on being esoteric. This is not a good way for guys to learn, as it leaves alot of room for misinterpretation.

    SmokeLion has the general idea, but I have to disagree with what he said here:

    SmokeLion - “1) You pull girl in physically or verbally. Girl thinks, “Hey! That was hot! He likes me so I like him now” This is a common approach that alot of AFC's, or "Chodes" believe, that by telling the girl you like her she will instantly like you back. These guys find themselves dismayed when the girl gives them the "let's just be friends" speech.

    The whole point of the article was the teaching of this specific style of progression: Push -> Pull/Push -> Pull, for a reason.

    Pulling right off the bat CAN work wonderfully. But not always. Especially not with some of the guys that I encounter in the community.

    Many of these guys are simply NOT attracting girls off their natural presence alone. So they need some help. That's where learning to become a better flirt comes into play.

    Teaching them operate progressively, to flirt with a "I am the trophy" frame and challenge the girl in a playful manner, this often yields better results than telling them to go direct right off the bat.

    Just because you express interest in a girl, that doesn't mean she's automatically going to be attracted to you. Hence this specific progression, to bait her along, systematically building her attraction by baiting her into qualifying herself (or you). This essentially moves the dynamic towards one of Mutual Pulling.

    It's like a dance. It's not for everyone. Personal style is always a factor. But it is a style that I have used on various different types of girls, and eventually you begin to see similar response patterns emerging. That's when you know you're onto something.

    Pleasure being on your blog, Kira. Now if you'll just stop stealing my boxers, I'm running down to my last few pairs.

  11. casualencounters.com/blog says:

    tl;dr?

  12. Erika says:

    hey SMoKeLioN,

    Thanks for the feedback.

    One thing I’d like to add is that the amount of “push” probably needs to drop quite a bit after a guy knows a girl really well.

    I’ve talked about trust on this blog before, and once a girl is fully intimate with a guy, it’s good to have some excitement and uncertainty still cuz it spices up the relationship … but mostly (at least speaking for myself) once the attraction and rapport are firmly established, I want to feel a ton of trust so that we can go deeper into intimacy.

    Too much push later in the relationship will trigger me to break things off because I get scared.

    It’s hard to make any rules that actually work. Mostly we need to connect to the other person’s feelings and microcalibrate.

    I’d be curious what others think. I like receiving comments from you all because they help me to “microcalibrate” this blog … lol … right now I don’t have a sense of how the last few articles are being received … so please don’t be shy.

    cheers,
    Erika

  13. SMoKeLioN says:

    In addition to that, I think its good that he mentions the difference between people who have “too much” push vs “too much” pull.

    If you have too much push, you probably wont get laid. And pua-types or pua’s in training tend to be like NEG NEG FALSE DISQ NEG PUSH PUSH PUSH rather than PULL PULL I LIKE YOU PULL

    Shitty thing is, and I think its the gripe that a lot of girls who criticize the pua community, is that all those negs and false disqualifiers together arent gonna get you laid or express who you are as a person. And that its the pulling in and the showing your intentions to get with the girl that do infact get you laid.

    For a long time I was neg+false disq + ridic attraction pieces guy… And when did results flip from being mediocre to excellent? When I started showing more aggressive sexual interest in girls. The funny thing is, is that the more (sexual) pull, the more pussy comes.

    I guess that should be intuitive, but people market too much dating ideas as counter-intuitive, when really now I believe that at our core as men and women we’re the same. We just usually go about things in a slightly different way.

    /rant

  14. SMoKeLioN says:

    Overall I think its well written, but has a lot of extra stuff in there that doesnt really say anything.

    Like, not everyone nowadays knows that pull-push-pull is better than push-pull, so its good that he lets some more people know.

    The breakdown is sort of iffy, I mean I could give a simpler breakdown in a lot less words… heh I will!

    1) You pull girl in physically or verbally. Girl thinks, “Hey! That was hot! He likes me so I like him now”
    2) You push girl out physically or verbally. Girl thinks, “Wait, what? where are you going? / Why wont it work??”
    3) You pull again. Girl thinks, “Ahhh, that relieved the discomfort. He was just teasing me. Now I like him more than ever”

    I skimmed the forum a bit. It seemed to have some new ideas, but a lot of noise/bullshit too that made it hard to find any insight.

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