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Postscript to the "Saying No" Article

A little while back, I wrote about the importance of saying no and removing oneself from untenable situations.

There were a couple of things I forgot to mention:

(1) Ego interruptus. One thing that saying no does is prevent the ego from replaying the same old script it has always played out in the past. Sometimes saying no and removing myself is important for simply interrupting a dysfunctional energy pattern.

(2) Giving the other person freedom. Another good thing about saying no is that it clearly states one’s own feelings about the situation, but it is not seeking to control the other person. Often, if I stay in a relationship situation that doesn’t feel good, it is difficult to resist the urge to nag and attempt to persuade the other person to change what they are doing. Which usually leads to more resistance and tension and is not good for the connection. Saying no honors my own needs while at the same time leaving space to honor the other person’s also.

Saying no is a little like saying this:

“I understand that you have unfinished connections that you want to honor. At the same time, when I perceive that you are unwilling to commit to a specific timeframe for actually doing the wonderful things we have talked about, it touches deep past pain in me and triggers such strong anxiety about whether our intentions are aligned that I am not able stay in this situation and feel good about it. I care about our connection and about you so much that I would rather leave the situation than allow these unaddressed concerns to erode the deep love that we feel for each other.”

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    “There are no keys to the Universe, it’s not locked”
    Roger

    Hi Erika!

    This is totally the insane (felt insane when going through it) dance I played out with a certain someone… saying no… I’m beginning to see other possibilities for saying or being something in the light of mutually arising talk from the machine…

    Gotta love the machine!

  2. BenPaul says:

    Thanks for working so hard to return yourself to a positive state. It shows me an example the kind of energy that I need to commit in my own life to handle the crazy that comes out of me.

    Enjoy. I’m off to conquer a mountain or two.

    “Even for my kind, pain still hurts. If you move and act in the material world, then the material world acts on you. Pain hurts, just as greed

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