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I want to get married :)

I want to get married … So let the fun begin lol …

erika awakeningNow that I’m off the vegan diet, and my physiology seems to be functioning properly again … I feel like myself again. In other words, wonder of wonders, I’m not waking up angry every morning anymore! LOL. And I actually feel romantic, and mushy, and loving.

Who would have guessed that simple dietary changes could have such a huge impact on our personalities? Scary, really.

Anyway, as how I’m feeling is changing … I notice feeling drawn back to the subject matter of my blog at the very beginning … Awakening from the Dream … when we were focused on connection and relationships. I would like to go back there again.

At the same time, I (hopefully) have gained quite a lot of wisdom since the blog began. I have no desire to repeat my mistakes. And one of the mistakes I made was trusting men who were not trustworthy. We are not going down that road again.

I guess at the end of the day I keep going back to traditional values. It seems to me that if I like someone a lot, I would want the sexual side of the relationship to develop very slowly. When I’ve departed from this instinct, the results have been undesirable. And of course if I don’t really like someone, then I see no point in becoming sexual at all. Which would seem to put me in the “no sex before marriage” camp lol. And probably why I’ve been celibate so much. Haha, it sounds so quaint.

Of course, men will now do a song and dance about how they have to “test sexual compatibility” ahead of time blah blah blah. I’m not buying it.

We men and women are programmed differently. I’ve never been able to have sex like a man and be happy with the results. Some women can, and they seem to be few and far between. Many of them, it makes them psycho. Not thinking clearly.

I been thinking about this a lot … how much a vegan diet changed my personality. Well, hormones aren’t something to fuck around with. I haven’t found that men think clearly before sex, so it seems to me that tempering and slowing down the process is a must.

I’ve seen way too much Jekyll and Hyde behavior both in myself and men in these situations. And now thinking about it through the vegan lens, it seems like a hormonal thing. Which is why it seems so out of control. Seems to me everything would go better to understand and work with those hormones instead of against them.

erika awakeningEspecially now that I’m feeling like I want to be married, it feels like the best path for me. I figure if they really like me, they won’t mind. And if they don’t, then good riddance :)

I want to get married
, and I don’t want to deal with any more half-assed post-sexual behavior :)

It seems to me that talking through and agreeing on all the big issues comes before sex. Otherwise people are just rushing into things with no clear intention, and in my experience it doesn’t go well.

So … with all that said … I might start dating again. With this new intention. And blog about it. And see what happens.

Love,

erika awakening

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. sAMIRA says:

    Thank you dear Erika for this post! I am so glad there is somebody who I can find connection with in their words. I am an Asian woman in her twenties, and going through an active spiritual awakening process, where natural instincts are rising more and more with each day, and even if I don’t pay much attention to them, they bubble up in the form of outer signs in the living world to remind me, or in form of health problems at times. I would say I am being more excited naturally during this process, despite the hard changes in mindset and lifestyle to adjust to this awakening process.

    One thing I have consistently battled with is on sexuality. I have quite strong sex drive, and would LOVE to enjoy that with someone, but overwhelmingly I feel, with the right person. With a soulmate partner actually. As you said, we women have more trouble with short term sexual encounters, or with men with whom the future is not consistent, and the big matters are not solved out as they should.

    Also despite knowing marriage to be a man-made invention, the concept of the union between two souls being declared out, and each one to be present in their spouse’s ups and downs faithfully, seem sacred and holy, with sex solidifying the bond between the two partners. The inner need to be chaste and enjoy with wholesome fullness with the right person at the right time is an instinct by itself.

    All the best for your soulmate search Erika! I sincerely pray you meet the right man, who has the full package! :D

    • Hi sAMIRA,

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting :) I appreciate you sharing your experience and yes the inner conflicts!

      I feel very confused whether sex has a place in a holy relationship. At this point, I lean toward “no.”

      With certainty, I can say that I am very happy that I did not have sex with a recent male companion. After our time together, communication has been inconsistent and frustrating. Had I ignored my intuition and had sex with him, I would now feel angry and devastated. Because I refrained from having sex, I feel much more calm about it.

      Hope to see you again here soon, yes we have a lot of sorting out to do, to find what is right for us!

      • sAMIRA says:

        Thank you Erika for your reply :) I appreciate your honesty and open-heartedness, in trying to be real. It reminds me of Zen Buddhists. A number of people in different religious denominations claim to have the only right way where they are absolutely sure, yet Zen Buddhists try to find practical ways to achieve enlightenment or understanding to handle real world issues, and even sometimes admit that they are not sure why their particular technique worked! This is a rare level of honesty, that people are usually afraid to display, lest they be seen as lesser by people who take them as advisors or follow particular methods of their’s. But it is this mindset that helps us draw closer to what is true.

        Please watch this short video if possible, by one of the great spiritual teachers, Barry Long, on love versus sex:

        youtube.com/watch?v=dv1e3xJY9sg

      • sAMIRA says:

        I agree that the concept of sex is more different in holy relationships, where both partners have a certain mindset. If both are a certain way, the mindset regarding sex would also match, and neither would feel lesser or betrayed by the other partner due to their lesser or more need for sex.

        Otherwise I feel there have been too much emphasis on sexuality, where even if the in-the-moment effect feels good, it doesn’t feel right for the more spiritually evolved. At least before we feel truly connected with our partner and we love them without a strong sense of attachment. Which I feel is kind of rare. And in a marriage setting there is a lot more security present, since we consciously detach from other relationships such as with our family to focus more on our spouse, in all the ups and downs of life, and stay together. So developing true love without much fear on it is easier in a marriage, I feel.

        Also I feel more people are lost regarding how to pursue sex. For this people need to get exposed to tantra, where sensuality between partners in a comfortable setting is present, but sexuality is delayed, and there is less emphasis on touching the erotic areas (like nipples and genitals) than on very gently massaging all other areas. I would say for a very committed or married couple it would be best obviously, or at least a person needs to receive this experience from a tantric therapist to learn on the methods before trying on their own. Again personal comfort and security is VERY important, I have learned to trust my instincts more in my own life.

  2. Concerned says:

    What about Mark Manson? You haven’t blogged about him in some time so are we to assume you two have been “talking” (and by talking, I mean sorting out the dets of your marriage ;)

  3. Robin Rue (@massholemommy) says:

    When you find the right person, the sex will be great. It’s an automatic.

  4. JOE says:

    Does this mean you and Mark might reconcile and get married? I hope so because I’d do a workshop you two organize!

  5. joe says:

    [Personal attacks deleted]

  6. Erika I wish you luck in trying to find the man of dreams. He is out there! Stick to your values and what you want, there is someone who is willing to wait for what you want. If not, then he isn’t worth it.

  7. Marla Rose says:

    I have been vegan for twenty years now — this must explain why every morning, I punch a fresh hole in the wall upon waking up. Thank you! It was the roiling vegan hormones of fury all along. Science-y! I should probably tap on that but I can only punch because of, you know, all that anger.

  8. vivek karkera says:

    Doubts like – Vegan or non-vegetarianism, marry or single, celibacy, monogamy or polygamy, have issues(children) or not , materialistic or spiritualism, ……? always troubled mankind since times immemmorial.
    All sorts of information & knowledge ,howsover good is not going to help.
    But ancient wisdom will, bcoz our ancestors were more realistic, humane, divine , secular, harmonious,understanding, sharing.,
    From the ancient Indian context,
    (assuming I m permitted to speak),
    Samkhya philosophy gives an idea.
    (Amongst the 6 vedic and 3 non-vedic philosophies ) as to why the ‘good’ co-exists with the ‘bad’.
    , interaction of body-mind-intellect mechanism with its environment..both at microscopic and macroscopic level..

    Regarding children, I m of the opinion of the controvertial sage Manu (his Scripture known as manusmriti) . he says ‘ First born child (of a loving couple) is of dharma (devotional duty) rest of Kama (materialistic lust).
    Rather than looking from good/bad or right/wrong perspective, see from the perspective of truth (guru reqd). Alas Truth is stranger than fiction.
    the idea of veganism/vegetarianism/non-vegeteranism was controversial in ancient times and it will continue to remain so.. Ayurveda gives one guideline , eat as per your prakruti ( constitution) , desha (place of living), work, consciousness, etc..
    Killing certain animals for survival /medical purposes was allowed in ayurveda,but with due consideration of realizing pain caused to the soul of prey ( jains following jain philosophy objected to this kind of killing even if it was ‘right understanding’)
    Marriage :
    In ancient times marriage (mating is more appropriate) served two purposes 1 material happiness & 2 karma yoga (union of male and female energies to realize the supreme self) ie a journey from selfishness to unselfishness.. (Note ancestors didn’t consider selfishness as bad)
    Have u read Ms Ayn Rand’s book ‘Selfishness’?
    4 pillars of human existence
    1. Dharma (duty)
    2 Artha (material prosperity
    3 Kama (lust)
    4 moksha ( liberation).
    (1st and 4 th are absent nowadays)
    For moksha , transcendance of food and sex is required so the mind is detached…but for transcendance , both suppression and over-expression does not help.
    Therefore the never ending controversy of mating and food was a subject of debate and continue to remain so, ( till u are willing to surrender to the Ultimate truth – you can’t change anybody, but yourself and that too if you are willing)..
    Note,: celibacy , monogamy or polygamy are non-issues for awakened souls (I m not).
    Live by your feelings.
    Peace.

  9. Dixie says:

    I say all is well, my friend! As I can only imagine where our tapping will take us from here! But I am sure it about to get FUN!!!!!!! Yippee! ;-) It is exciting to see these changes!

  10. moffat says:

    IT IS GOOD TO GET MARRIED , BUT CHOOSE A RIGHT PERSON . IAM WAITING FOR YOU TO VISIT ZAMBIA

  11. aaron says:

    BTW…. Thank you for planting the seed in so many minds to stamp out jealousy (and Rothschild Zionism even :)

    Peace

  12. Kathy says:

    Wow. This has taken an interesting turn. I’ll say I’m in favor, but I’m biased, I’m going on 35 years married, so I do believe in it, when done well, it can be a fantastic partnership that still allows for individual growth and creativity. Certainly even an ardent feminist like Gloria Steinem, (a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle), came to the same conclusion and upon her marriage said it was wonderful having someone in your corner.

    I have never had a problem with women being different from men. I say, “Thank God for that!” I like having a feminine soul and essence. Equally smart, equally valuable. I think your celibacy and vegan diet were valuable in your learning and pathway. I think you are wise to take it slow. Keep tapping and see where it all takes you. Another trip might indeed be in order and sounds marvelous. I’ve heard of a number of people meeting their companion/mate on a trip that they went on with no expectations, just to continue their growth.

  13. aaron says:

    I was really inspired by your courage before, now you are caving to the microscopic evil that still remains after all your glorious and misinterpreted experiences and rush to jump to conclusions. Granted, vegan diets don’t work long term, so we get a lot of help from the Bee Tribe, as everyone except Einstein has underestimated.

  14. David says:

    Whadaya know! A “liberated” San Francisco girl comes back to see the true worth in “traditional” values. Yes, how quaint…. Would this also include actual , dare I say it… monogamy??!! Just my opinion, of course, and you can disagree, but an “open” marriage is basically no marriage at all. Just shacking up…

    • I don’t know yet …

      • David says:

        I think you need to find a real man who says he will love you and ONLY you, and he wants you to stay true only to him also… and you will blossom… just like you are now off your vegan diet! You know… traditional and all. Good luck with that in SF though…!

      • He doesn’t have to be in SF :) It will be another adventure … :)

      • Kathy says:

        No he doesn’t have to be in SF, although maybe, but likelier you will find him on your travels in a most unlikely place, and he may even be from local environs on his own adventure to see what he can see, see who he can see….

        You might find what David is saying is something that rings true. :)

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