Since my brief flirtation with breaking celibacy, I am noticing that I am feeling significantly more reactive about things than I usually do. Now … maybe this is one of those passing phases like many things have been on this spiritual journey where there is a temporary peak in emotional reaction and then it calms down again. That’s very possible.
But I’m still not seeing how to have physical intimacy:
* without a hormonal response that after four and a half years of celibacy just doesn’t feel “normal” to me anymore,
* without expectations of the other person — because I’ve never practiced physical intimacy outside of a monogamous relationship (I did have a relatively happy open relationship once but we did not have actual intercourse with anyone else), and
* without creating jealousy and conflict in other relationships.
I want to believe that it is possible. I just am feeling so tender and touchy these past couple of weeks. And I like having “space” between things that happen in the world and my response to those things. I’m not feeling that space right now. And I feel pretty disappointed with myself when I react to situations in ways that weren’t as productive as they could be.
For example, a situation happened last night, and instead of being my normal calm self, I went from 0 to 100 miles per hour with all kinds of assumptions in about five seconds. That doesn’t feel very good to me, and I’m sure it didn’t feel good to the other person either.
I want to believe that all these “conflict” situations actually provide the possibility of deeper intimacy. But when the space between two people becomes reactive, it’s so tempting to cut off communication instead of stay with it through the tough spots and reap the rewards of that intimacy. And when you’re not at the point of having a formal commitment with someone, how do you both stay connected enough to get through it?
Anyway, I see a few (not many) couples who seem to have this deeper rich intimacy but how they got there is a bit of a mystery to me.
If anyone can clue me in, I’d be very appreciative. :-)
About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening
If you liked this article, you will LOVE Erika's EFT tapping video products and coaching ... Get Started Now: