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Erika’s Erotic Awakening … and a New Vision of Polyamory?

I really don’t know where to begin today …

When I went to Austin, I wasn’t expecting things to shift so dramatically.

But *someone* flipped a switch in me, and I am now fully turned on and basking in my sexual energy. It feels very intense.

I mentioned this to him, and his response was not very helpful for dampening my erotic awakening:

“There is power in pleasure and surrender. I’m here to awaken your mind, ignite your body, make your temperature rise and your pussy perpetually aching and wet.”

Lol :-)

While at the same time … I believe my last minute resistance (LMR) has become insurmountable until I’m in a fully committed relationship. Until I *know* beyond any doubt that I have found my holy relationship.

So the tension builds. Simultaneously, my sexual energy is escalating whilst I still remain abstinent. And this creates a powerful force for change in my life, a powerful force for becoming fully congruent with the deepest form of intimacy.

In fact, I’ve decided to turn this into a “sexperiment” (as Daria has called it on Rori’s blog). My intention is to let my sexual desire get amped up as high as it can possibly go, but not act on it until I’m certain. This, I’m convinced, is the catalyst for creating my ideal relationship. A woman fully in her feminine energy as I am longs to be penetrated by a man (you can’t even imagine how much!), but she is strong enough to wait until the man is offering her what she wants.

GS asked me yesterday what I mean by “continuity and longevity” in an intimate relationship. I have written about this before.

A Course in Miracles (ACIM) promises that the holy relationship is permanent:

“Before your brother’s holiness the world is still, and peace descends on it in gentleness and blessing so complete, that not one trace of conflict still remains to haunt you in the darkness of the night. He is your Savior from the dreams of terror. He is the healing of your sense of sacrifice, and fear that what you have will scatter with the wind, and turn to dust. In him is your assurance God is here, and with you now. While he is what he is, you can be sure that God is knowable, and WILL be known to you. For He could never leave His own creation. And the sign that this is so lies in your brother, offered you that all your doubts about yourself may disappear before his holiness.”

ACIM also indicates that the holy relationship will be shared with others:

“Love, too, would set a feast before you, on a table covered with a spotless cloth, set in a quiet garden where no sound but singing and a softly joyous whispering is ever heard. 2 This is a feast that honors your holy relationship, and at which everyone is welcomed as an honored guest. 3 And in a holy instant grace is said by everyone together, as they join in gentleness before the table of communion. 4 And I will join you there, as long ago I promised and promise still. 5 For in your new relationship am I made welcome. 6 And where I am made welcome, there I am.”

Incidentally, while in Austin, this guy said, “why don’t we all three teach together?”

Again, this flipped a switch. Why only one man?

So this seems to lead me back to polyamory. It sounds like there is one guy who is my primary partner … and, at the same time, I’m increasingly starting to envision a communal living and teaching situation, with multiple men and women all living and teaching together, and sharing themselves beyond the limitations of traditional couplehood.

What do you all think? I feel very awakened and enthusiastic contemplating this possibility, which leads me to believe that I’m heading in the right direction …

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. Martha says:

    i'm not sure the purpose of your being abstinent, except to see if you meet the right man for you? so maybe i missed something.
    it's interesting that you are seemingly approaching this build up and release of sexual energy like a man. a woman's potential for pleasure is limitless and not physiologically inhibited by her sexual "plumbing." i sincerely hope you have not

  2. Erika says:

    "ain't that hypocritical and inconsistent of you to say that when at the same time you are preaching abstinence until a man marries you and gives you his sexual exclusivity?"

    Anonymous, no, I never said I wanted his sexual exclusivity. Commitment and exclusivity are two very different things.

  3. Erika says:

    "here's my 3 step relationship strategy for erika:

    step #1: have sex

    step #2: own your own feelings and don't project them on others. if not, go back to #1

    step #3: then figure out what kind of relationship you want!"

    Anonymous,
    Not falling for that one again ;-)

  4. GoneSavage says:

    "My intention is to let my sexual desire get amped up as high as it can possibly go, but not act on it until I'm certain."

    This is going to be extremely dangerous if you are dealing with the man that I think you are. He has a history of turing women into nymphomaniacs. You are playing with fire here. Women have been known to do drastic things when the cravings and urges

  5. Michael says:

    Dear Erika, I’m pleased you could have this experience, and I wholeheartedly support your sexperiment. Escalating that desire and energy is something I feel is an experience really worth exploring, in and of itself. Find out what it’s like; find out what happens.

    During your experiment, you might find yourself expanding that desire and energy to the point where you begin to act on

  6. Anonymous says:

    "The idea of traditional exclusive relationships feels very claustrophobic to me. Very limiting."

    ain't that hypocritical and inconsistent of you to say that when at the same time you are preaching abstinence until a man marries you and gives you his sexual exclusivity?

  7. Anonymous says:

    here's my 3 step relationship strategy for erika:

    step #1: have sex

    step #2: own your own feelings and don't project them on others. if not, go back to #1

    step #3: then figure out what kind of relationship you want!

  8. Johanna Lyman says:

    Hi Erika,
    Sounds like our erotic energy is rising at the same time! I'm in a monogamous relationship (for 22 years) and have lately been wanting to move to a more open relationship… I have this feeling that my love and my eroticism is too big to be contained within one relationship, and my growing feminine essence is too organic to be chained to one guy.
    Thanks for a great post!<

  9. Dan_Brodribb says:

    Ah, Erika. We are always destined to be on opposite sides, it seems.

    Over the past few months, I've been slowly warming to the idea of a) waiting for sex and b) monogamy. I'm not totally there, but I'm close enough to feel nervous. But it's a good nervous.

    What's causin' all this?

  10. Erika says:

    Hey Anonymous,

    Thanks for commenting.

    Yeah, I don't think it's weird at all. The idea of traditional exclusive relationships feels very claustrophobic to me. Very limiting.

  11. Anonymous says:

    It's reassuring to me to hear a girl bring up the topic of community. It's something that I've been trying to imagine with the same sense of awakening.

    Also, as a mind game, I was in Ikea recently and just for fun I began to imagine a different reality :

    I imagined that every single woman that I saw was polyamorous. It was like there was no stigma or judgement

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