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Embracing the Shadow self as a key to dating success (and other ways to throw out conventional wisdom)

I just landed in Tahoe to spend a few days with my dad. It’s snowing here and very beautiful, as always.

My love of life has returned, and I give a lot of credit to the Shadow method. Whenever we feel critical or judgmental of what somebody else is doing or has done, it’s a pretty sure bet that we are actually angry at ourselves for doing the same thing. It’s this disowned part of ourselves that we call the Shadow. When we embrace that Shadow part of ourselves, we often feel magically better, almost instantly.

I realized through my own Shadow process that the real reason I was mad at Entropy was that I was upset with myself for my own tendency to disconnect from relationships when I feel scared and uncomfortable. Once I realized that, everything that happened no longer seemed like a big deal. I had disconnected just as much as he had, and now seeing that, I can take full responsibility for it and feel powerful instead of powerless.

All the well-meaning advice I received to “move on” and “get busy with other things” didn’t help at all. What made me feel better was finding the root of the anger in myself and clearing it out.

Another piece of well-meaning but unhelpful advice is things like “He’s a jerk. It’s his loss.” No, he’s not a jerk. He’s a sweetheart. And it’s not his loss. It’s our loss.

And here’s a confession for you: I still love him. :) Hehe, that feels good to say out loud. Rather than trying to talk myself out of loving him, I am moving (as usual) in the opposite direction of conventional wisdom. Over the past few days, I decided to surrender to my love for him instead. As I did that, my joy and love for life returned. I can love him and also live my life, and that’s exactly what I intend to do.

Speaking of which, now that I’m dating again, I am struck by how ridiculously easy it has become. I really can’t believe I ever made this process difficult on myself.

Not so many years ago, every part of the dating process seemed difficult and frustrating. Here are some of the many ways things have changed:

Chivalry: I’ve always enjoyed when men are chivalrous, but so many of the men I was meeting were not. I didn’t know how to communicate that this was not okay with me. Nowadays, I attract a different breed of man. And if there’s any question whatsoever, as we’re planning the date and it seems like he expects me to meet him somewhere, I say, “You know, I’m pretty traditional when it comes to dates. I love the restaurant you chose, but I don’t want to drive there.” Next thing I know, he has moved into full-on chivalry mode, and I never have to say another word about it.

During the date: I used to worry about how he would perceive me. As I let go of my self judgments, I stopped worrying about what other people think. As a result, I feel relaxed and present on dates.

After the date: I used to wonder whether he would call, what he thought of me, etc. Now, I barely think about it. He virtually always calls. If I’m too busy to get back to him, he calls again.

Who I date: I used to date men older than me. Now, I usually date men who are significantly younger (several of the guys this year were in the 20 to 22 range). This was not intentional on my part. Younger men started pursuing me. I attribute it to all the EFT and meditation, which take years off of our vibe. To top it off, when I go on dates with younger men, as often as not, I’m the one who gets carded. Spiritual practices take years off of our appearance as well. Demi Moore has become one of my new role models.

Marriage proposals: So many people told me guys would not be willing to marry me if I didn’t sleep with them. Hogwash. The number of proposals continues to mount. Now that I feel fully myself again, I expect there will be plenty more in the next few months.

How is your dating life? Do you really need conventional wisdom holding you back? I can show you how to use Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and other spiritual practices to transcend pretty much every limiting belief you ever had. This is You, Unplugged. Why wait? There are so many wonderful people out there waiting to meet the real, authentic, relaxed new you.

Email me now at erika.awakening@gmail.com to learn more about my coaching programs.

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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