Today a personally upsetting event happened in my life.
I covered pretty much every emotion during the course of the day. From bliss this morning to shock and amazement, doubt and disbelief, gritty determination, and then deep sadness. Wave after wave of deep sadness and mourning. Hope. Despair. A few “what ifs” and “if onlys.” But mostly just raw emotions.
A girl is blessed in these moments if she has someone like Entropy in her life because she can A Letter for Liberating Relationships. He even got me laughing again, making some crack about how he has a superhero magic powers ring, but he only wears it for “peacocking” purposes … lol :)
So then I was alternating between laughing and crying and laughing … and even physical pain. Deep physical pain in the very core of my being.
And I’m still sad. Not ten minutes ago I was crying again. …
But you know what? I’m alive. I’m sad, but it’s nobody’s fault. I don’t need to turn my sadness against myself or anyone else. I can feel, I’m alive, and I feel blessed just to be able to feel … even if things didn’t turn out the way I was hoping.
There are so many people out there who are so scared to feel. They have a moment of discomfort or anxiety, and it feels so uncomfortable that they rush to cover it up with a judgment, or an attack, or some form of busyness or numbing. They “act cool” or take drugs or find any way at all to run away from the feelings instead of feeling them. They go up in their heads and churn around trying to find a solution to the “problem” or some way to change the outcome. Churn churn churn.
But guess what? The feelings don’t go away, they just go underground. Where they feed the unintegrated shadow self.
One of the most liberating things that happened to me over the past few years, especially with all the energy healing that I did, is that my emotions came to the surface. They used to be pushed down and stagnant. That’s what depression is, by the way — people carrying around emotions that never got expressed, that are stuck, held frozen in the body until they are finally liberated.
Now my emotions are like little storms that pass through and disappear. I feel them more deeply and thoroughly but they don’t get stuck anymore, and it’s extremely rare that I feel any urge to lash out at anyone. I can be deeply sad one moment and full-on laughing through the tears in the next moment. And underneath there is a strong sense of “everything is going to be ok” despite how I’m feeling right now.
What else are people scared to feel? Love, for one. Ah, the huge sigh of relief when we start loving everyone unconditionally. I no longer have to decide whether I’m going to love so-and-so when he is acting like a jerk-off. It’s not a decision anymore, it’s “of course.” I’m going to love him no matter what he does and even if he never talks to me again. Because it simply feels better to love. It doesn’t mean I won’t feel angry or put out from time to time, but the love part is no longer negotiable. It just is.
People think it’s hard to love. It’s not. It’s the easiest thing in the world. It is relaxing. It’s a relief. Anger is a strain. Hate is a strain. Jealousy is a strain. Feel those emotions when they arise, sure, but let those negative charges pass right on through. Why would anyone actively hold on to hate? Why would anyone generate more energy behind conflict?
Step back. Hold a space open for the energy between two people to transform. It’s ok to say, “I’m really sad” or “I’m feeling mildly pissed off” or “What you’re saying to me right now doesn’t feel very inspiring.”
And then not rush to solutions. Let the feeling just BE there.
It’s easy to love. It feels good to love.
It feels good to feel.
Dare to feel.
About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening
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