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Dare to Feel

Today a personally upsetting event happened in my life.

I covered pretty much every emotion during the course of the day. From bliss this morning to shock and amazement, doubt and disbelief, gritty determination, and then deep sadness. Wave after wave of deep sadness and mourning. Hope. Despair. A few “what ifs” and “if onlys.” But mostly just raw emotions.

A girl is blessed in these moments if she has someone like Entropy in her life because she can A Letter for Liberating Relationships. He even got me laughing again, making some crack about how he has a superhero magic powers ring, but he only wears it for “peacocking” purposes … lol :)

So then I was alternating between laughing and crying and laughing … and even physical pain. Deep physical pain in the very core of my being.

And I’m still sad. Not ten minutes ago I was crying again. …

But you know what? I’m alive. I’m sad, but it’s nobody’s fault. I don’t need to turn my sadness against myself or anyone else. I can feel, I’m alive, and I feel blessed just to be able to feel … even if things didn’t turn out the way I was hoping.

There are so many people out there who are so scared to feel. They have a moment of discomfort or anxiety, and it feels so uncomfortable that they rush to cover it up with a judgment, or an attack, or some form of busyness or numbing. They “act cool” or take drugs or find any way at all to run away from the feelings instead of feeling them. They go up in their heads and churn around trying to find a solution to the “problem” or some way to change the outcome. Churn churn churn.

But guess what? The feelings don’t go away, they just go underground. Where they feed the unintegrated shadow self.

One of the most liberating things that happened to me over the past few years, especially with all the energy healing that I did, is that my emotions came to the surface. They used to be pushed down and stagnant. That’s what depression is, by the way — people carrying around emotions that never got expressed, that are stuck, held frozen in the body until they are finally liberated.

Now my emotions are like little storms that pass through and disappear. I feel them more deeply and thoroughly but they don’t get stuck anymore, and it’s extremely rare that I feel any urge to lash out at anyone. I can be deeply sad one moment and full-on laughing through the tears in the next moment. And underneath there is a strong sense of “everything is going to be ok” despite how I’m feeling right now.

What else are people scared to feel? Love, for one. Ah, the huge sigh of relief when we start loving everyone unconditionally. I no longer have to decide whether I’m going to love so-and-so when he is acting like a jerk-off. It’s not a decision anymore, it’s “of course.” I’m going to love him no matter what he does and even if he never talks to me again. Because it simply feels better to love. It doesn’t mean I won’t feel angry or put out from time to time, but the love part is no longer negotiable. It just is.

People think it’s hard to love. It’s not. It’s the easiest thing in the world. It is relaxing. It’s a relief. Anger is a strain. Hate is a strain. Jealousy is a strain. Feel those emotions when they arise, sure, but let those negative charges pass right on through. Why would anyone actively hold on to hate? Why would anyone generate more energy behind conflict?

Step back. Hold a space open for the energy between two people to transform. It’s ok to say, “I’m really sad” or “I’m feeling mildly pissed off” or “What you’re saying to me right now doesn’t feel very inspiring.”

And then not rush to solutions. Let the feeling just BE there.

It’s easy to love. It feels good to love.

It feels good to feel.

Dare to feel.

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. Jussi says:

    Erika, I love you! That is one of the scaries things for me to tell anyone, because I never know what anyone will read into those words. When I tell you that I love you, it’s kinda like Namaste… The Divine in me recognizes and embraces the Divine in you. How that love manifests from one moment to the next is anybody’s guess, but it’s there regardless of what it looks like. Thank you for creating this forum and for encouraging people to feel, express and communicate as honestly as they dare. Being transparent scares the crap out of me, but I love the freedom it brings. many blessings to you, dear courageous sister…!
    Jussi

  2. Michael says:

    It may also be about radiating love to other people because they are a part of God, or one of the expressions of God.

  3. Michael says:

    so, hey Anonymous 4:13AM –

    You can probably look across vast sects of spirituality through history, look across vast sections of populations engaged with spirit and God … and it’s easy to see some of them are engaged in ascetic practice, retiring from the world, maybe in monastic populations … and then some of them are engaged in the everyday world, as lay practitioners or yogis or tantrikas or intercessors or etc. Anyway, for those people who pursue spirituality in the world, finding God in the world and keeping that connection seems to be a pretty core thing. One of the aspects of this is seeing God or spirit penetrating through the world we’re engaged in. When this starts to happen, we’ll sometimes see spirit looking back at us through someone else’s eyes. A lot of people fall in love this way. We might even begin to see God in everyone looking through them, at us. So, in this way, sometimes engaging with other people is actually engaging with the God in other people, or helping spirit to penetrate through others more.

    You know how there are some people who just want attention and they’ll get it any way they can, regardless of how other people feel about it? And then there are people who develop a bit as people, so they like to give attention to others, and also receive attention … sort of as a way of giving and receiving between individuals? And then … beyond that … there are people who sometimes act in ways that are enchanting to others, perhaps mesmerizing, or graceful … who can do so as a gift to others, to delight others? People who slip into being the woman who lights up a room to bring more beauty to all who behold her, as a gift?

    When I tease Erika about being an attention whore, I think she knows that I mean it like that, because I can tell she knows what it means to offer delight to others. I can’t speak for her, but I get the feeling that her work is more about bringing the delight and tools of delight to others that bring spirit through them more than before. When that happens, we really are getting more attention from God, and giving it too.

  4. Erika says:

    @ Anonymous 4:13 am:

    My dear, let me clarify my intention.

    When I hear someone judging me, such as using a term like “attention whore,” often the best way to show myself and the other person that the judgments they are bandying about are meaningless is simply to accept the judgment fully. Someone calls me a name assuming I’ll be hurt by it, and instead I simply adopt it, which takes all the power out of it.

    Judgments are always inherently false. Let me say that again: judgments are ALWAYS inherently false.

    At the same time, I also eagerly said “yes, I am an attention whore” for a second and equally important reason. The purpose of a judgment is usually to disown a part of ourselves, to label a natural part of ourselves as “bad.” Thus, the human desire for attention is a life-serving desire, yet many people grew up in families or lived in other circumstances where they were taught that the desire for attention is “unacceptable.” It’s not unacceptable. It’s part of our God-given wholeness. So I also embrace judgments and labels in a tongue-in-cheek way as a way of embracing my own and other people’s wholeness.

    The truth is that I don’t focus on getting attention from other people. I focus on fulfilling my passionate desire to share everything I’ve learned over the past few years with the world. The things I teach on this blog have so liberated my own life that the urge to share them is incredibly powerful. I see people suffering needlessly, and I want to give them the secrets of liberation. The attention is just an inevitable by-product of doing what I love.

    Thanks for giving me this opportunity to clarify my intentions.

  5. Anonymous says:

    If you really are about “spirituality” and God, then the only person who you should worry about getting attention from is God. The only person who you should answer to is God. Although pepole who are charismatic, like Jesus himself, would get attention from people, he didn’t focus on that at all. Getting attention from people–and being an attention whore–should not matter at all.

  6. Michael says:

    an attention whore who offers many things to draw or capture that attention can be a wonderful thing, can’t it?

  7. SMoKeLioN says:

    “I don’t “go out of my way to get a guy” though. I flirt and connect, and things develop organically. “

    What I meant by that is Id like to read about you yourself either opening or baiting him into opening. And then making it known to him that he’s able to proceed through the doors you’ve opened for him without fear… you know, making sure he is still leading and the man, even though you might be pulling some of the strings to help things along.

    The girls that can do that… those are the girls that have game.

    “I’d be happy to write more about the men in my life, but I prefer to let you hear it from them “

    Why does it seem like all the men in your life we hear about have pua blogs :) ?

    You can say that you flirt and connect organically…. I think anyone who is really good with the opposite sex is usually a flirt.

    What does “connect organically” even mean?

    I assume it means that you dont have routines…. but does that mean you also dont have conversational waypoints? Like for example, I dont have solid routines, but I do have ways of getting to understand a girl, and am able to set up frames and run with it. Does that count as organically? Who knows. I think its all semantics, really.

    - SMoKeLioN

  8. Erika says:

    Dear Anonymous,

    Thanks for commenting, but lighten up, my friend.

    Of course I’m an attention whore. Everyone is, deep down, it’s just that most people haven’t given themselves permission to express that side of themselves. Give it a try, you might enjoy it.

    Do I love the attention and company of men? Of course I do.

    As for SmokeLion’s comment, I’d be happy to write more about the men in my life, but I prefer to let you hear it from them. So you may enjoy the joint report that Entropy and I wrote but have not yet released.

    I don’t “go out of my way to get a guy” though. I flirt and connect, and things develop organically.

    Love,
    Erika

  9. Anonymous says:

    i second smokelion’s comment. you write a lot about all the attention you claim to get from men. in fact, you really seem to enjoy wallowing in it. a reader of this blog could very easily come to the conclusion that you are an “attention whore” to borrow the language of the community.

    smokelion’s insight is very good. his request is long overdue. barry kirkey wasn’t joking when he asked you if your goal was to become the most popular PUA groupie. listen to some of his radio shows, and you’ll find that his humour has a way of cutting to the core of a person’s character.

  10. Michael says:

    yeah.

    dare to be alive enough to feel …

    experience what it’s like to feel alive enough to feel

  11. SMoKeLioN says:

    The first thing that comes to mind…. LSD is some serious shit.

    I just noticed your “top seduction” reports, it seems sort of bizarre, but ah well.

    What would be much more interesting to me is a report of how you try to go out of your own way to get a guy you’re interested in… and how it actually worked without something backfiring during or after you two fucked.

    Goin back to the point of your post, yes honest exmotional expression is important not only with how you deal with others, but also how you deal with yourself.

  12. Vince says:

    I totally love this post right now.

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