Pin It

Commitment Terror …

This lifetime is getting to be a very wild ride.

How did I find the seduction community? To make a very long story very short, I had a near-death experience, decided I wanted much better relationships (and in particular that I wanted an enduring and deep intimate relationship with a man) and I started reading books. I read all the major girl dating books, found most of them to be worthless or even damaging, and then stumbled upon the seduction community. Although the community was geared to guys, for the very first time I felt that I had found a description of the world and relations between men and women that made sense. For the first time in my life, I realized why I was attracted to some men and not others … and a whole lot of other things that are beyond the scope of this post. With awareness began empowerment.

Fast forward three years. Now, suddenly, I have men wanting to commit to me left and right.

Did I become more physically attractive? Nope, I look basically the same as I have always looked. Calmer and more centered, perhaps, but not noticeably different.

So what has changed? It’s my vibe. What I have essentially done is taken all the repressed fears that I was projecting onto men, the fears that pushed men away … and I have owned those fears. (Let me add, by the way, that judgments are nothing more or less than frozen fears. This is why non-violent communication, which dissolves judgments, is so powerful for bringing people closer to us.) Little by little, dissolving the barriers between me and men until now … the barrier is the thinnest possible veil. So light I can blow on it, and it will disappear.

This is why I am now facing my Commitment Terror head on. Now that I’m no longer projecting my fears nearly as much, I am FEELING them instead. So guys want to marry me and claim me for lifetime partnership, and what I feel in my body is STARK TERROR. I have trouble breathing, feel extremely claustrophobic, sometimes I feel like vomiting, I get stomachaches. Sometimes if someone gets too close, I am still reactive. I panic and find some way to push him farther away.

And at some level, I am CELEBRATING all this. Like Daria says, I am loving my constricted breathing, and my nausea, my stomachaches, and my reactivity. Now the fear is finally VISIBLE. It’s not repressed and projected outward onto the world anymore. It no longer shows up in that awful polarity of having to choose between men who are utterly unattractive cling-ons and men who are sexy but aloof and unattainable. It shows up less and less in the form of other women and long distance between us. (These sorts of “barriers” seem like they are real objective facts, but in truth they are only manifestations of our fears of intimacy, our fears of letting go of the egoic separation between people and returning to God. This is why “woo woo” energy healing works when nothing else will.)

I’m owning my fears, and now the men who are showing up and wanting to commit to me are … shockingly … people I would actually consider as mates.

“You have come far along the way of truth; too far to falter now. Just one step more, and every vestige of the fear of God will melt away in love.”

And so you stand, here in this holy place, before the veil of sin that hangs between you and the face of Christ. Let it be lifted! Raise it together, for it is but a veil that stands between you. Either alone will see it as a solid block, nor realize how thin the drapery that separates you now. Yes, it is almost over, in your awareness. And peace has reached you even here, before the veil. Think what will happen after! The love of Christ will light your faces, and shine from them into a darkened world that needs the light. And, from this holy place He will return with you, not leaving it or you.

You will become His messengers, returning Him unto Himself. Think of the loveliness that you will see, who walk with Him! And think how beautiful will each of you look to the other! How happy you will be to be together, after such a long and lonely journey where you walked alone. The gates of Heaven, open now for you, will you now open to the sorrowful. And none who looks upon the Christ in you but will rejoice. How beautiful the sight you saw beyond the veil, which you will bring to light the tired eyes of those as weary now as once you were. How thankful will they be to see you come among them, offering Christ’s forgiveness to dispel their faith in sin.

Every mistake you make the other will gently have corrected for you. For, in his sight, your loveliness is his salvation, which he would protect from harm. And each will be the other’s strong protector from everything that seems to rise between you. So shall you walk the world with me, whose message has not yet been given everyone. For you are here to let it be received. God’s offer still is open; yet it waits acceptance. From you who have accepted it, is it received. Into your joined hands is it safely given. For you who share it have become its willing guardians and protectors.

To all who share the love of God the grace is given to be the givers of what they have received. And so they learn that it is theirs forever. All barriers disappear before their coming, as every obstacle was finally surmounted that seemed to rise and block their way before. This veil you lift together opens the way to truth to more than you. Those who would let illusions be lifted from their minds are this world’s Saviors, walking the world with their Redeemer, and carrying His message of hope and freedom and release from suffering to everyone who needs a miracle to save him.

How easy is it to offer this miracle to everyone! No one who has received it for himself could find it difficult. For, by receiving it, he learned it was not given him alone. Such is the function of a holy relationship; to receive together, and give as you received. Standing before the veil, it still seems difficult. But hold out your joined hands and touch this heavy-seeming block, and you will learn how easily your fingers slip through its nothingness. It is no solid wall. And only an illusion stands between you and the holy Self you share.

Yes, you guessed it, A Course in Miracles. It is a prophecy that is already being fulfilled. I am SO excited to see the holy relationship take human form. I cannot imagine anything more joyful than sharing the miracles that have already been given me. This is why a relationship with a man makes no sense to me anymore, at any level, unless he is equally committed to this mission of saving the world.

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

If you liked this article, you will LOVE Erika's EFT tapping video products and coaching ... Get Started Now:

« « Previous Post: Erika’s Erotic Awakening … and a New Vision of Polyamory? | Next Post: Twilight: May the Best Man Win … » »

Comments

  1. Michael says:

    Probably so.

  2. Erika says:

    hey Michael,

    Maybe I wouldn't be so scared if you were here … ;-)

  3. Erika says:

    I like girls, too. ;-)

  4. SMoKeLioN says:

    haha

  5. Dan_Brodribb says:

    "Maybe try women?"

    It's done wonders for me

  6. SMoKeLioN says:

    "This is why a relationship with a man makes no sense to me anymore, at any level, unless he is equally committed to this mission of saving the world. "

    Maybe try women?

  7. Michael says:

    Why ya terrified, babe?

  8. Dan_Brodribb says:

    "judgments are nothing more or less than frozen fears."

    I like this line.

    And when you talk about Commitment Terror, you're definitely singing my song. Allowing yourself to love and be loved is a lot scarier than some might think.

    And yet…

    I don't know if I've reached a point where I'm ready or if it's just this person is

  9. Dan_Brodribb says:

    "judgments are nothing more or less than frozen fears."

    I like this line.

    And when you talk about Commitment Terror, you're definitely singing my song. Allowing yourself to love and be loved is a lot scarier than some might think.

    And yet…

    I don't know if I've reached a point where I'm ready or if it's just this person is

Speak Your Mind

*