Products vs. coaching – Am I wasting my time and money doing both?

Today we are answering a question posted by Hans on the Forum (you can read his post here):

Hi Erika,

If the private coaching session (and audio after that) helps one to continue releasing energies at a deep & specific level, won’t that lead to the challenges tapping videos and gold membership videos be less useful eventually? After all, the tapping videos are not customized to the users, and hence less intense.

Hi Hans,

counting little miraclesThanks for posting on the Forum. The short answer to your question is no. The videos do not become less useful. Private coaching sessions and advanced EFT tapping videos serve very different purposes and work best in tandem.

Let’s get into the reasons why it is essential to get both private coaching sessions and the 30-Day Challenges, to get best results.

1. Spend your money wisely: Covering basic topics in private coaching sessions that are already covered in videos is not a good application of your financial investment.

Think about it. Let’s take for example the 30-Day Abundance Challenge or the 30-Day Personal Power Challenge. In each of those programs, we cover lots and lots of Holistic Belief Reprogramming basic principles and techniques. How many hours of teaching and tapping video is in each one of those programs? Probably around 8-12 hours of video. And some of the advanced 30-Day Challenges have more than that.

In terms of time spent talking, that’s the equivalent of what … 7 private sessions or more … that’s half of a 15-Week Miracle Coaching program.

Why would you want to cover all those basics in private sessions? It’s far more cost effective to learn the basics in videos and then use private sessions for highly customized tapping and advanced topics.

2. “Surrogate” tapping can be far more effective than direct tapping on “your” issues.

Most of my video programs are highly specific, because specific videos are more powerful than general videos. The videos are specific, and many of them are very intense. It’s just that the details are not “your” details. So you may think it’s “less powerful” because it’s “not your issue.”

Not so fast. Remember, the ego is very sneaky. The ego may be doing everything it can to keep you from solving “your” issue. Frequently, entering by the side door (i.e., tapping “his” or “her” issue) is more effective than a direct approach, simply because the ego never saw it coming. Every issue in a video, whether it is “your” issue or not, is YOUR issue. There is some parallel in your subconscious mind. That applies even if the issue is not “your” gender, or “your” socioeconomic status, or “your” country, etc.

So tap, breathe, and let your subconscious mind draw parallels between “your” issues and the issues we cover in the videos.

3. Active vs. passive tapping:

Active and passive tapping have different roles to play in healing. We could write a book about this. I guarantee you, no matter how good you get at Holistic Belief Reprogramming, you will not always feel like guiding your own tapping.

There is an ebb and flow to healing. Some days it is more in the flow to sit back and do passive tapping. That goes for me too, and I recorded the videos! Some days I want to be guided too instead of having to lead and think about what I am going to tap. Then I put on the headphones and tap through a few 30-Day Challenges.

4. Videos greatly increase the amount of tapping you can do in a day.

At this moment right now, I am listening in cordless headphones to the 30-Day Abundance Challenge. Am I tapping? Well, yes. I am tapping on the keyboard as I type this sentence, and the finger tips of each hand are covered with acupressure points. I am actually playing five videos at the same time, another way of confusing and bypassing the ego mind.

Tapping this way is highly effective. I have been amazed how frequently money comes in during or shortly after tapping a bunch of abundance videos while I am accomplishing other tasks. This way I can squeeze in my abundance tapping even when I am too busy with other things to tap on my own.

5. Videos are a great reminder when you forget.

Life happens. Last year when Harvey got really sick and almost died, I was not feeling abundant. I was not feeling powerful. Nearly all of my tapping was focused very intensely on getting Harvey through this crisis, on making sure he did not die. So other important priorities – like paying bills – went by the wayside.

This was not sustainable situation, financially. I had a huge amount of trauma to release from my system. So, when bills absolutely had to get paid, I was very grateful for the videos. The videos reminded me of a more powerful and abundant “self” that I nearly forgot in the middle of this crisis. By listening to the videos, I could remember my power. By listening to the videos, a more powerful version of myself re-taught personal power to the part of myself that had been beaten down by trauma.

Very frequently during this time period, I felt amazed how powerful the videos really are … and grateful that I had it all on video so I could re-teach myself the first principles. The videos reinforce the teachings in powerful ways.

Every HBR video you purchase is a precious and enduring gift that you can give to yourself over and over again.

Then, private coaching sessions allow us to go deeper, get more specific, tailor the teachings. Obviously there is massive value in private coaching sessions, and I encourage everyone to invest in themselves and get private coaching sessions.

So the answer is – you need both, and will continue to use both indefinitely. If I, as the person who recorded the videos, am still getting results time and time again from re-listening … think about it. That pretty much says all you need to know.

Love,

erika awakening

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About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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10 Ways to Piss Off Your Coach and Pay More for Coaching

10 Ways to Piss Off Your Coach and Pay A Higher Rate for Coaching

world peace with Erika AwakeningLet’s not beat around the bush here. I’m a damn good coach. Recently, a client manifested $100K in cash into her bank account after four sessions with me. That is the largest sum of money she has ever had in her bank account, ever. And although she had created an opportunity for that money to “show up” prior to re-hiring me, she was blocked six ways to Sunday about actually letting the miracle manifest. After four sessions, there it was. Miracle unveiled.

She is by no means unusual. I had a client a little while back who worked in the tech field. He worked for slave wages in the tech field for years. We did a five-session series, during which I encouraged him to set his sight higher. He bellyached and told me all the reasons why it was “impossible” for him to get a higher-paying job. Fast forward a very short time after our sessions: he lands a six-figure job for the first time in his life, and as far as I know, he still has it.

I had another client who was selling herself short on helping her family with elder care. I encouraged her to set her sights higher. I helped her negotiate a better deal. Now she has a fixed income, doesn’t have to work a job, and spends a good part of her time on very nice vacations. All of which we negotiated together with the help of our weekly or bi-weekly tapping sessions.

The list goes on and on … The client whose kidney failure started to reverse after a few sessions with me and got a new lease on life. The client who got paid back a seemingly hopeless $90K debt during the 15-Week Miracle Coaching program. The client who manifested back to herself every penny she ever paid me (and she paid me over six figures) in one epic, unexpected money miracle. The client whose father went into a “mysterious” and seemingly “impossible” remission from cancer during the 15-Week Miracle Coaching program (did I mention that we worked on father healing issues in our sessions together?).

Let’s also not forget: I have two cats alive with me right now who were both deemed by veterinarians to be “lost causes,” one four years ago and the other 15 months ago. My coaching method is, quite literally, death-defying.

My work speaks for itself. My work is worth millions and millions of dollars. Indeed, how much would a billionaire pay for their life to be saved? How much is a life worth?

So by all measures, no matter how high a rate you pay for my work, you are getting a bargain. That’s just the simple truth. I have developed a one-of-a-kind, doesn’t-exist-anywhere-else-on-this-planet coaching and healing system. And I have devoted vast sums of money and more than a decade of my life to do it.

I have also spent months not sleeping and living in squalor so that I could save lives when nobody else could do it, and later bring all that skill to each and every coaching session I do with you.

Every coaching session you do with me may be only 80 minutes long, yet it reflects YEARS of my investment in education and experience and dedication that are PRICELESS.

I bring to this work not only a decade of healing experience, but also the vast experience and pricey education I received at Stanford University and Harvard Law School, where I graduated near the top of my class and was an editor of the Harvard Law Review. I worked for years as a professional in some of the most prestigious legal jobs this country has to offer.

So … Let’s get something straight. I will be appreciated for the unparalleled devotion that I have brought to developing THE cutting-edge healing system on this planet, or I will have nothing to do with you.

On that note, here are 10 Ways to Piss Off Your Coach And Pay A Higher Rate for Coaching

#1 – Be A Pain in the Ass Instead of A Joy to Work With

Most of the time, I enjoy coaching a lot. When we are working as a team on a grand intention, I am in my groove. This is what I was put on the planet to do. What could be more fun than helping someone manifest miracles?

That is, unless that someone is a pain in the ass. Let’s see, showing up late for coaching sessions, missing sessions, refusing to cooperate in scheduling sessions easily, making excuses about scheduling your next session because you’re letting ego resistance sabotage your (often already very impressive) results.

Unacceptable. The policy already is that you will lose the minutes when you’re late to session, and forfeit the session if you are a no show. Apparently those policies still are not strict enough. In fact, from here on out, we are going to have tight expiration dates on sessions so that this does not happen anymore. I will make one or maybe two efforts to schedule your session. If you make this ridiculously difficult, I will wait for you to commit to a time that will be set in stone. You don’t show up, you lose the session.

Do any of these ten things repetitively, and you can expect that the rate for your next coaching package – if I am even still willing to work with you at all – will be at least five times higher.

#2 – Make Snarky Comments and/or Yell At Me During A Session

Umm, do I need to point out that this is unacceptable? Really? From here on out, anyone who does this, the session will be immediately terminated and you will not be able to make up those minutes.

I understand that my healing work triggers very deep emotional stuff for people, and that the temptation for projection and passive-aggressive lashing out behavior can be significant. Still … unacceptable. Treat me with respect or lose your coaching time and email support.

#3 – Pretend You Got that Amazing Result “All By Yourself”

Ah yes, one of my biggest pet peeves. Oh really? Now that we did these sessions together and you have your six-figure miracle … a miracle you were not able to achieve on your own for months or even years or decades before our sessions … you did it all by yourself and I get no credit for it?

Wow. Why don’t you go back and listen to your endless limiting beliefs and wailing about how you couldn’t do this in the first few sessions that we did? And then tell me you were congruent with the miracle at that time.

BULLSHIT. You got the miracle because I helped you get the miracle.

Fail to give credit where credit is due? Your next package will be priced at least ten times higher. Minimum $100K investment.

#4 – Get Huge Results and Not Write A Testimonial

how to attract money

How to attract money with EFT tapping

This goes with #3. This business relies largely on people understanding the value of the work. Indeed, reliably creating miracles is so far outside most people’s current understanding of the world that what I do simply “does not compute” in their brain. The best way for people to understand the value of the work is to hear from my current and past clients about how it worked for them.

Many of my clients have understood this and have written me spontaneous testimonials, for which I am deeply grateful. You can see some of those testimonials all over this website.

And then there are those gems, many of them the same people from #3, who don’t get it.

You want to fail to give credit where it’s due and make my marketing and outreach efforts 500 times harder by not writing testimonials when they clearly are called for? Your next coaching package will be at a ten times higher rate.

#5 – Have Lots of Money and Treat Me Like the “Hired Help”

Nothing gets my goat more than the stingy rich person. Let’s see, you think it’s going to sit well with me when we spent our sessions tapping about your private jet, your trips to Monaco hanging out with royalty … and then when it comes time to renew your commitment to the coaching method, YOU make money excuses. Seriously?!?

No no, then you have to add insult to injury and ask why my rates are not “competitive” with “the Rolfing guy”?

Wow. Just wow.

You sir, have business experience. You know full well the difference between a COMMODITY like Rolfing, and a one-of-a-kind coaching method that requires thousands of hours behind the scene to produce one 80-minute Skype session.

If you decide you are going to treat me like a commodity, and bitch about the coaching rates when you have far more than you need … then don’t bother coming back until you are willing to invest at least $250K for starters.

#6 – Invest the Money Miracles You Got With Me In Coaching with Douchebags

Yes, this did actually happen. We must remember how strong ego resistance is, and how much it loves to sabotage any real healing. This is why vigilance for ego resistance is so utterly critical to succeeding with this method.

If you manifest six figures with me, and then instead of re-investing in the coaching method that got you that cash … you go out and invest it with a bunch of smooth-talking douchebags who train you how to “control women” (I am not exaggerating).

And then you come back and actually expect that crap to FLY with me …

Holy crap. Wow did I tap a lot of anger. And guess what? You will never work with me again until you pay me not only what you would have been well served to pay me in the first place. I’m going to collect back pay for the tapping I did surrogately in response to your douchey behavior.

Minimum $100K coaching commitment, or I will never speak to you again.

#7 – Make Money Excuses When I Know How Much You Have Because I Helped You Manifest It

becoming fearlessLet’s see, you went from bare subsistence living to a fixed income and lavish vacations! All because of our sessions. And I know exactly how much you have and how it’s spent because … well, because you only have it because you did coaching with me!

Now, you start making money excuses because ego resistance has become high because we were about to get into the real healing work. And you actually expect me to swallow this crap?

Whoa. Jesus Christ. Just how stupid do you think I am?

You are not coming back until you are willing to negotiate for me and our work together the same way I showed you how to negotiate for yourself. $100K minimum coaching commitment.

#8 – Get Great Results and Don’t Post About Them on Facebook and Other Public Places

Your health or finances were saved, and now you are too embarrassed to tell your friends and family how you got the results?

Wow. I am speechless.

$100K minimum coaching commitment.

#9 – Cling Around My Neck and Sabotage My Other Relationships

Yep, we have had a couple of these. Not even worth going into the details. This coaching method is not about co-dependency. You will be expected to do the inner work and the outer work (i.e., action steps that I suggest). If you start getting into gossip, start private messaging me endlessly when you’re not in a formal coaching program with me, or otherwise make my life exceedingly difficult … you will be removed from my life and not coming back until I get back pay for the damage that was done.

#10 – Express Interest in Coaching Programs Without Being Prepared to Make An Immediate Financial Commitment and A Lifetime Commitment to Holistic Belief Reprogramming

Look, although right now I am leaning to work only with clients who make a six-figure commitment, I will still consider working with people who don’t have access to huge financial resources. However, don’t waste my time. Don’t even bother emailing me unless you have already thought through what you CAN offer and are prepared to make a commitment deposit immediately.

Likewise, I never, ever want to work again with a client who gets great results and then does not appreciate and give back to Holistic Belief Reprogramming. This coaching method is about going where no healer has ever gone before, getting results that are currently deemed by this world to be “impossible.” This method only thrives with devoted support from those who have benefited from it.

So from here on out, you want to coach with me, you are making a lifetime commitment to give back to this method – ESPECIALLY if you are one of the many who has had massive life improvements (health, financial, relationship) as a direct result of working with me. I am no longer going to put up with the crap described in this article.

Sign up for coaching with me ONLY if you are prepared to give back generously when you get your miracles. ONLY if you are devoted to healing the planet with this method for a lifetime. ONLY if you are going to be loyal and keep supporting us when the chips are down as they were last year when Harvey the Cat was deathly ill.

I do not need or want “fair weather friends.” I never again want to work with a client who acts in the ways described above. I want to work ONLY with people who think win/win and sincerely want for me and for Holistic Belief Reprogramming the same abundance and success that they desire for themselves.

This coaching method and I will be appreciated, or don’t let the door hit you too hard on the way out.

Except for the Intro session for new clients only, and the famous 15-Week Miracle Coaching Program, all coaching programs are now Bespoke. You treat me as anything less than pure gold, expect to pay a lot more. I will be compensated for any and all bullshit, or we will not work together.

http://tapsmarter.com/coaching

Thanks for listening.

Love,

erika awakening

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Tantric Dating: The Art of Building Passion and Intimacy by Taking Sex Slow

Tantric Dating: The Myth of Fast Sex Revisited

“Sex is a conversation carried out by other means. If you get on well out of bed, half the problems of bed are solved.”

- Peter Ustinov

I am sitting here at my kitchen dining table as I write these words. My new friend is serenading me, singing with his guitar, rehearsing for a performance he has tomorrow by Lake Tahoe. He played for us all day yesterday, and I asked him to play again today. The soulful music is helping me tap in to my desire to write again after a long hiatus.

From across the room, I am inhaling his musky scent, mixed with leather from the couches and earthy rain outside and the hot fire burning in the wood stove. Last night, we soaked in the hot tub endlessly again, talking talking talking. Then we stood in the rain shower, one spigot hot and one cold as has become our ritual, talking talking talking, as the delightful contrast of hot and cold water pours down our faces and bodies. Our conversations light me up inside, because unlike so many people on this planet, he is alive.

Like me, he walked away from the trappings of “success” – prestige, extreme athleticism, the relationship house and business – and reduced his life to absolute simplicity and essence. That’s why it’s so easy to connect. We are both stripped down, naked to our values. There’s not a lot of bullshit in the way. ;)

Our second chakras connected last night. It happened suddenly, when I turned my hips toward his pelvis while we were cuddling. “Wow,” I said, “do you feel that?” He did. Like star bursting from the second chakra on up to the heart in kundalini fire. It felt so intense, it took my breath away. There was no penetration. I can still feel the glow of our connection.

He’s definitely the kind of man with whom I have an intense soul connection. My soul partners are always musicians, athletes, storytellers, with high need for freedom, and their right brain fully engaged. They often live on the fringe of society, like me. They are tuned into the intuitive flow of the Universe, which creates the delightful river of conversation, the outpouring of music, the touch on the skin that brings my whole body and soul alive.

This is how I want to live, where life becomes music whether a guitar is serenading me or not. The conversation is music, the touch is music, the flow of coming closer and moving farther apart, and inviting each other deeper … is all music … and the sex, when it comes will be … well, you get the idea … ;)

(He just looked up from his guitar and asked “is the music helping your writing?” I laughed, because he has no idea what I’m writing. “Yes, it’s helping.” What do you all think, is it helping?)

I’ve had amazing sex in my lifetime. There’s nothing mechanical about it. It doesn’t require a lot of role-playing or pretense … it’s definitely not strained imitation of porn flicks … The more stripped down we both are, emotionally and spiritually naked, the better it is. Amazing sex is always like being carried away in powerful music, losing oneself in the flow of Love and Life. I really don’t see a reason to settle for anything less. That’s why I haven’t had sex, again, for two and a half years.

It would have been easy to rush into sex. The second time we soaked in the hot tub, in the bright sunshine under the towering firs and Jeffrey pines that surround my home, and he touched me for real for the first time … it was pure electricity, and it was mutual. Over the next 24 hours, I felt everything in me opening and coming alive. (Want a glimpse of this aliveness? check out the Facebook video from the next day here, and you’ll see what I’m talking about.)

It would have been easy to let one thing lead to another … and rush in, without taking the time to get to know each other on a deeper level.

It would have been easy to be carried away with passion, and forgetting about having all those oh-so-important conversations about what kind of relationship we might enjoy, monogamy and polyamory, about keeping the house clean, about money … It would have been easy to rush in without first having some tough situations arise to see how we navigate conflict or anger together … without talking about mistakes we have made in relationships in the past, and how we intend to avoid repeating those mistakes.

It would have been easy to have sex quickly, and it would have been a mistake.

A year or so ago, I made the decision that I would not be rushed into sex, no matter how strong a connection with a man. I feel relieved about how strong I’ve been the past couple of years, as I consistently turned down the sexual opportunities that arose. I said no because it did not feel good. I could see clearly having sex in those situations would leave me in pain and anger. I never want to do that again.

So the connection is building slowly. No more being swept off my feet. Tonight we are going to yin yoga for more flow and presence. Then perhaps we’ll repeat our ritual of making creative moonshine cocktails, soaking endlessly in the hot tub under the stars, and allowing the waterfall of the rain shower to pour over us … Perhaps we will lie naked together on the bed again, breathing deeply and allowing the sexual tension to build and build and build … without acting on it …

And I’m so, so happy we are doing it this way. How could anyone argue that rushing into sex is better than this slow building of connection, intimacy, and sexual tension?

For years, I taught men in the seduction community about authentic connection with
women. In that community, I was a lone wolf voice in favor of not rushing into sex. I myself have practiced celibacy for extended periods of time, as long as nearly five years.

When I wrote about slowing things down, I felt puzzled to be on the receiving end of so much hostility, criticism, and resistance.

Why are we so scared to slow down this process? Do we really think a relationship that is meant to be will fizzle out while building connection, intimacy, and sexual tension?

Just what is it that people are so scared of, they rush into sex … often drunk … before ever talking about anything real? Isn’t talking the real foundation of all of it?

For me, great conversation is so exhilarating that it’s right on a par with amazing music, with amazing sex, with transcendent enjoyment of every kind … Why are we not all starting there? I call it Tantric Dating. It’s time to slow the f*ck down and build it …

What do you think?

Love,

erika awakening

Say Goodbye to Being Swept Off Your Feet: A New Approach to Dating

I am not the same person I was a year ago.

Over the past few years, I’ve spent an enormous amount of time in solitude and celibacy. No need to roll out the pity party. After all, like many of you, I’ve been on a quest for personal transformation. Let’s face it, it’s not easy to break free from a lot of unconscious programming if we continue on in relationships that reinforce that programming.

And what area of our lives is fraught with more co-dependent and unhelpful programming than intimate relationships? After all, look around. Even the relationships held up as models for the rest of us are often only “perfect” on the outside. Look a little more deeply, and you will often find a whole lot of unexpressed despair, rage, and co-dependency. I should know, being a life coach for such a long time. People often tell me the secrets they don’t tell anyone else.

For much of my life, like many women, I dreamed of being swept off my feet by a perfect lover man. We get programmed very early with Cinderella and Snow White. Heck, I was wooed by some of the most seductive men on the planet. I even allowed it to happen, a few times, through what in retrospect was suspension of disbelief. I wanted to believe it could be real.

And I got burned. Badly.

After all, I have values that are really, really important to me in relationships. Values like trust, honesty, integrity, keeping agreements. Oh yes, that pesky expectation of keeping agreements, that’s a really big one for me. For me, the feeling of crushing disappointment after counting on someone to do something – especially someone I really loved – and they don’t follow through … is up there on my list of never-want-to-have-again feelings.

Trust, honesty, integrity, keeping agreements … those values are not in the repertoire of men who “sweep you off your feet.” The man who sweeps you off your feet is a con man. That’s who he is.

With a lot of solitude and celibacy, I was able to step back from my childhood Cinderella fantasy with a lot more honesty … When I was really honest with myself, I could see that What I found with being swept off my feet was only disappointment. Men with no integrity, who could not keep their word to save their lives. The betrayal seared me. It almost destroyed me. Maybe they too wanted to believe their lavish (in retrospect, rather grotesque) fantasies, or maybe they were even more cynical than that. Either way, it left me wanting never to have sex or romance ever again.

So I released and released and released. When Harvey the Cat was really sick this past year, there was no time or energy for taking a shower much less dating. I barely slept for several months, barely left my apartment for the better part of a year. Getting even the most basic tasks done was almost impossible. There was only wall-to-wall healing, week after week, month after month. Only God and I know how many thousands of tears were shed, releasing so many lifetimes of grief to save Harvey’s life.

I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am almost unrecognizable as a person, after being in the crucible this past year. I’m approaching myself now almost the way I would a stranger, not knowing the answer to so many questions. What do I like to do? Who am I? How will I move forward from here? I don’t know.

What’s very, very clear though, is that I have absolutely no interest in being swept off my feet by a man. Never again. I will keep both my feet firmly grounded on the earth, thank you very much :)

Now being a stranger to myself, and so not knowing how to expect myself to behave or think or feel, I went out on the town a few weeks ago. I wrote about it in my newsletter, as some of you who are on my list may remember. What seemed to be the highlight of that night was practicing assertive communication, ala the 30-Day Communication Challenge, with another woman.

I did though meet a man that night too, briefly. It was quite random. And while we did exchange Facebook information, there really was no reason for him to know that I found him intriguing. Not as someone to sweep me off my feet. As a human being. He’s a renegade, like me. Living on the fringe of society, outside the lines. Like me.

And so, since he is a hermit, and I am a hermit, after a couple weeks went by, I found myself feeling drawn toward connecting with him. What’s more … gasp … I went ahead and made the first move to see if he would like to get together. He seemed very excited about it. I didn’t know how he would react. He might have blown me off, and I might have let the fear of that stop me from asking for connection … How many opportunities do we miss in life because of the “roles” we expect each other to play?

Remember, I don’t know myself anymore. So instead of following rules or roles, I did was in my heart.

I’m so glad. We went out for Cinco de Mayo. I didn’t know it was Cinco de Mayo until people started mentioning margaritas. What I did know is that, without any expectations of being swept off my feet, we were having a beautiful, amazing, dynamic, energizing conversation. He super graciously paid for my dinner, even though I had been the first to reach out. Then, it seemed nobody wanted the evening to end. So we went up the street for margaritas, which I was going to pay for but could not get the bartender to accept the cash. (I have a long history of the Universe giving things for free.) They were seriously the best margaritas I’ve ever had in my life, and I’m sure the taste was enhanced by the amazing company and conversation.

Today we saw each other again. Was it some hot and heavy intense seduction? Nope. We hung out in my garage and made a new insert out of glued-together styrofoam scraps for my sagging hot tub cover. And talked, and talked, and talked. While we wound yards and yards of duck tape around our makeshift insert. Then we celebrated by taking a dip in the hot tub. Where we talked some more.

It was glorious. There were no expectations. There was no pressure. I felt super grounded. It was fun.

I will not be swept off my feet. Any relationship that develops in my life now is going to develop in alignment with my deepest values. Honesty, trust, integrity, keeping agreements. Day by day, long before any deep physical intimacy, stone by stone, DIY project by DIY project, the foundation will be built first. Or it won’t go anywhere.

I will never again allow my life to be capsized by a little boy in man’s clothing. Those values – trust, honesty, decency, keeping agreements, mutuality, integrity – are not negotiable. The responsibility for keeping things grounded and everything moving glacially slowly, is on me. It’s a responsibility that – after all I’ve been through that took me to the brink of despair – I happily accept and embrace.

That means getting swept off my feet, is no longer in the cards.

It’s Complicated: An Open Letter to My Ex Mark Manson

Rising Above the Son of Man: It’s Complicated Because We Need A New Paradigm

Blogger Mark Manson and Erika Awakening

Mark Manson and Erika Awakening in happier times

Ah, let me take a deep breath. I had no intention of writing any more articles about my ex Mark Manson. Then again, when God speaks to me, I listen. So here goes with another open letter to Mark Manson.

Let me preface this article by saying that my first Love in this lifetime was not a man. My first love was Literature, a love I pursued all the way through college before the “left brain” world co-opted me to law school.

When I was in college, because my family was not well off, I got a job waiting tables to make more money. I remember the restaurant clients asking me what I was majoring in at Stanford University.

“Modern Thought and Literature!” I replied. It was my passion. I loved it.

They would scrunch up their faces with judgment and concern. “How on earth are you going to make a living or get a job majoring in literature?” They saw it as frivolous, a waste.

Never mind that it took me to Harvard Law School, where I was an editor of the Harvard Law Review and graduated near the top of my class.

It turned out that studying literature was far more valuable than that. What I learned from studying literature now informs every aspect of my healing method, Holistic Belief Reprogramming. The whole world we see is metaphor. And those of us who know how to read the literary symbolism of everyday life, can become empowered to heal the whole planet.

Now let’s begin our open letter to my ex Mark Manson.

Dear Mark,

I asked Facebook to stop showing me your articles from MarkManson.net quite a while ago. I must admit I felt nauseous seeing the “new” Mark Manson articles, so formulaic, with endless sycophantic fan boys (and girls) swooning over them. Really, I wanted to vomit every time I saw one of them.

“Why doesn’t he create a computer program to generate these articles, according to the formula, with new inputs on the subject matter of the week?” I asked myself.

Underneath my scorn was a deeper feeling of sadness, a longing for the Mark Manson I knew seven years ago. His writing was not formulaic and predictable. Back then, he was not writing for “popularity.” He was writing for expression. It was raw and real. I miss that Mark Manson.

Cats Mark Manson

My cats Fritz and Harvey back in the days when Mark Manson visited us in San Francisco

Anyway, I digress. As you may know, in June of this year, my cat Harvey (one of my two cats that you met seven years ago in San Francisco, Mark) was stricken by tragedy. He suffered a dreaded saddle thrombus, which in veterinary medicine is considered a certain death sentence. This was followed by severe congestive heart failure. The veterinarians thought I was “crazy” to treat him. They pushed hospice, euthanasia, and grief counseling on me.

Well, those veterinarians don’t know me very well. I don’t give up easily on the ones I love. And I sure as hell was not going to kill my cat with “death penalty” chemicals. Harvey the Cat’s heart needed healing, and their answer was to stop his heart entirely?

Fuck that shit. I committed to getting Harvey the Cat healed.

Throughout the healing of Harvey the Cat, I have been following hints and Guidance from the Universe about what to tap next. I have at this point more than four terabytes of tapping videos, almost none of which has been released publicly. As I tapped thousands of issues that arose, following my Guidance, the “impossible” began to happen.

The night of the saddle thrombus, Harvey the Cat had been suddenly paralyzed from the waist down with a blood clot. Seeing his panic on the floor of the vet’s office, desperately trying to pull himself forward with his front legs, is one of the most horrific images I have ever seen.

Hearing the vet say “We don’t recommend treating this condition,” was even worse.

As you can imagine, Mark Manson, I was bawling with grief.

(Flashback to my childhood: Although I was away at college at the time, I knew from what my family reported that my childhood cat had been stricken by the same saddle thrombus. Poor beloved Sammy, the best cat ever. My dearest childhood friend. And she was dead in less than 24 hours.)

So it’s been quite amazing to watch over the last six months how magical Holistic Belief Reprogramming really is. With my tried-and-true emergency protocol, I had Harvey’s left leg working again within two or three hours of the original incident. His right leg came back within two to three days.

That turned out to be only the beginning. After two hospitalizations, Harvey was down from his original weight of 11 pounds to a mere 7 pounds. He had been overdosed on Lasix in the hospital, every organ in his body had been affected, and nobody (except me) thought he had any chance of returning to health.

recovering from saddle thrombus

This is Harvey the Cat six months after his seeming “death sentence.” That’s a 50 inch vertical leap up from the radiator, and a 78 inch drop down. Watching him still scares the shit out of me. But he did it!

Yet Holistic Belief Reprogramming saw us through every step of the way … I would receive Guidance from the Universe about what to tap next, I would tap it, and Harvey the Cat would take another step forward.

A thousand baby steps add up to quantum leaps. Isn’t that what you teach, Mark Manson?

This is Harvey the Cat as of Christmas week.

This is what is possible when we learn healing skills and refuse to give up on each other.

Because my healing method has saved both of my cats from certain death sentences … as well as many, many other miracles … needless to say, I trust my Guidance completely, even when things feel overwhelming and I am not seeing any way out of a tough situation.

Guidance About 666 and the Son of Man

So back to you, Mark Manson. Yesterday I received a bunch of Guidance about the number 666. (Tapping the meanings of various numbers that showed up repetitively has been an integral part of Harvey’s healing.)

I received my first ever confirmed booking on Airbnb, and the payout amount for four nights in February is $2666. Harvey the Cat had his lowest respiratory rate since I started counting it nearly six months ago: 16.666666 to infinity. Harvey was drinking 6 ounces of water each day, all week (down from 10.5 ounces a couple weeks ago, so another step forward).

character

Was my six-month relationship with Mark Manson a reenactment of the Fall from Grace, the exile from the Garden of Eden?

It has not been lost on me, for a long time, the connection between my ex’s name, Mark Manson, and Biblical accounts of the Anti-Christ. Based on how my ex Mark Manson has treated me over the last seven years (if only you could see all his private messages to me, a very different person than his public presentation) … I have often asked myself if Mark Manson is the Devil Incarnate.

When I look up California Street from my apartment in San Francisco, I can see Mark (Top of the Mark) on the left side of the street and Mason on the right hand side. It’s not quite Mark Manson, but it’s very close to Mark Manson. And Grace Cathedral sits just beyond, a little ways more up the hill.

Yet it was only recently that I started connecting all the dots about the meaning of the name Mark Manson. (If you’ve ever studied literature, you know that the symbolism in protagonist names is very important in great novels.) I must admit that my knowledge of the Bible is not as deep as it should be, because Biblical archetypes are very important patterns that run in the unconscious mind that need to be healed.

As a child, I remember being fascinated by the chapter in the Bible called Revelations. It stood apart for me from the rest of the Bible. And now I learn a new meaning about my ex, Mark Manson. Of course, I knew about 666 and the Son of Man (Manson). In A Course in Miracles, it is prophesied that the Son of Man (Manson) shall return to his true Identity as the Son of God.

I was not aware of, or did not remember, the whole bit about the MARK of the Beast. MARK Manson. Interestingly, the mark of the beast is to be on the “right hand.” Those who refuse to take the mark of the beast, like me, follow the laws of God instead. While most take the mark of the beast and follow “this world’s” laws. (Harvey the Cat would not have recovered, under this world’s laws.)

Anyway, some years ago, I received a strange marking to my LEFT hand. The left hand is associated with the RIGHT brain, which is our connection to the Divine and the Laws of God. Whereas the right hand is associated with the LEFT brain (logic, worldly thinking, etc.).

Oh I could write on and on about the unbelievably uncanny symbolism of all this.

Anyway Mark … I was tapping 666, the Son of Man, and the Mark of the Beast (Mark Manson), yesterday … and suddenly … even though I told Facebook long ago that I never, ever want to see articles from you … Not one but TWO of your articles showed up in the feed anyway.

UGH, are you fucking kidding me – will I never escape this man, Mark Manson?

One of the two articles was It’s Complicated.

At first I had my usual knee jerk, eye rolling reaction … judging you, noticing how formulaic the articles are, remembering with nostalgia how much I enjoyed the life that was in your articles years ago …

Then I caught myself, realized that judging you really isn’t helping anyone, and said to myself, “You know, Erika, Mark Manson is doing the best he can just like you are …”

You like great books, right, Mark Manson?

Did you ever read Thomas S. Kuhn, the Structure of Scientific Revolutions? It’s on my shelf still, one of many books I read in college as a Modern Thought and Literature major, that were very eye opening for me.

I thought of that book when I saw your article It’s Complicated.

You know, Mark, everyone is trying to “figure it out” within the old paradigm. Old, tired, wearying debates about monogamy vs. polyamory, what skills would “improve” relationships, blah blah blah …

What I believe is that these contradictions and dilemmas will not get resolved without a leap to a new paradigm.

The other day, I felt really excited that this guy was reaching out to me on Facebook because at first it seemed he might actually be interested in me. Not “me” the photos or the image, but ME the purpose I am living for healing the planet. The real me.

And then at the very end, he had to slip in some comment about kissing me.

I felt utter disgust. I felt so unseen, unheard, totally objectified. I noticed that I also felt too exhausted to have the conversation, yet again, that I don’t date men who don’t learn about and share my purpose.

My solution to “it’s complicated” has been to withdraw from the world entirely.

We need a new paradigm, Mark. A revolution. All the old models will have to go, all the old questions only spin in endless loops. People consider it “success” if they get married and have children, but an astute observer of the long-term trajectory of such relationships – being honest – could not call any of it “success.”

We need a new paradigm. The whole current premise of relationships, creating a little “private corner” of “happiness” and “connection” – is flawed. It works against the principle of Oneness. Even those couples who seem to be “in service” to the planet are still in the old paradigm.

We need a revolution.

healing cat Mark Manson

When I see this woman having her breast cut off to heal … I feel sad, wishing people had the skills to do for themselves what I’ve done for Harvey the Cat.

People are so frustrated, living their lives of quiet despair. Posting their Facebook statuses, trying to align the reality of “what is” with the false ideals of what they think their life should look life. And it’s making people miserable – because like air-brushed, photo-shopped models in magazines, it’s an ideal that can never be achieved.

Because the “ideal” is wrong.

Well I don’t even know if you’ll get this message. I hope you do. I hope you can see that I’m just like you, doing the best I can in a very flawed system. I saw a blog the other day by a woman who not long ago appeared to have all that worldly “success.” It has all ended in tragedy, and she recently let a surgeon cut off her entire breast in the name of “healing.”

I feel deep, deep sadness knowing this breast amputation was not necessary, that there is another way. I just don’t know how to reach them.

You would know how to reach them, Mark Manson.

Happy holidays, Mark Manson.

Love,

erika awakening