Here’s a guy you don’t hear talked about in the seduction community: Tom McKnight. He runs a company called Love Tactics and teaches many of the same principles as the gurus. I’ll admit that long ago I left behind the idea of tactics. I think the whole idea of “doing something so that someone else will do what I want” is fundamentally flawed. But underneath that, Tom has a lot of worthwhile things to say.
I want to include an excerpt here from an article he wrote about women declining pre-marital sex.
Now, as a man, I can be tried for treason for what I am about to say, but let the truth be told. There is a lie, a GREAT LIE that has been drummed up and perpetuated in our world that if a woman doesn’t go to bed with a man she loves then she will lose her chance to win his love in return. This is absolutely false, but men have succeeded for the most part in convincing women that it is true.
Tom goes on to say the following:
Some men would accuse me of breaking the “code” of my own gender by openly telling you this, but I’m not here to uphold an immoral code I don’t believe in. I believe that in order for men to be truly happy, they must eventually enter a win/win relationship that includes exchanging a committed marital vow in return for the sexual affection bestowed. I believe in paying for what I get, emotionally speaking. This is not only best for the woman; in the long run it is best for the man as well.
Those men who “cheat” a woman of her rightful due in this regard will learn in due course that they have only been cheating themselves. When a man uses a woman for sex, always pretending to leave the door open to marriage (just enough to keep her hoping), it is never win/win. It is actually win/lose. And if win/lose, then ultimately it will be lose/lose, even for him.
Those who read my blog regularly know this is a common theme of mine. There is NO SUCH THING as win/lose. Anything that is win/lose will be seen, sooner or later, as lose/lose. This is why women MUST LEAVE relationship situations that do not feel good to them and that have not changed when the woman expressed herself honestly.
Woman yearns mostly for love and commitment. Man primarily desires sex. The fair tradeoff is: sex in a loving and committed marriage. Women traditionally have had a strong bargaining chip when coming to the negotiating table. But somewhere over the last century, men have succeeded in bluffing women out of their strong position. Most women don’t know how powerful they really are, if they just exercise their determination in this regard. Man has stood eyeball to eyeball to woman, and she has blinked!! It was a bluff on his part “it’s always been a bluff” and the woman has fallen for it. The bluff is that if a woman doesn’t go to bed with a man if she loves him then she will lose her chance to win his love in return.
In actuality, men prefer strong women who can resist them and say no. Men need strong women who can say no. Admittedly this paradox is frustrating to a man, because he is also fighting a sexual urge that is both constant and strong all the time. But emotional and spiritual growth never was easy, and a permissive woman denies him this opportunity to progress.
So there it is, folks. Man and woman were given drives that seem to be in conflict so that they could progress enough spiritually to find a happy win/win resolution.
I have spent this past eight months experimenting with how different ways of approaching this made me feel, and I can assure you that the two choices now for me are abstinence or full commitment. There is no middle ground that feels good to me. And nothing matters as much to me anymore as feeling good on a consistent basis.
(I’m also pretty convinced from reading the comments on Rori’s blog that there are a lot of women who, deep down, feel the same way I do.)
In other news, Hypnotica persuaded me to install Skype and (when I actually have some free time, in about a week) a web cam. I am highly technology-resistant, so this took a while, but I am now seeing the usefulness of these media for teaching the material discussed on this blog. Who knows, maybe he and I will have some fun inner game co-creations for you all one of these days soon ;-)
About the Author:
Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening
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