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A Course in Miracles on Reframing

I have sometimes said that my nickname for A Course in Miracles (ACIM) is “God’s Ultimate Guide to Inner Game.” I’ve also said that ACIM undergirds everything I teach about seduction. Indeed, it’s one of the most seductive books I’ve ever read ;-)

Anyway, this morning I was reminded of an ACIM quotation that for me sums up the essence of “reframing,” which is a term the seduction community uses frequently.

In any situation in which you are uncertain, the first thing to consider, very simply, is “What do I want to come of this? What is it for?” The clarification of the goal belongs at the beginning, for it is this which will determine the outcome. In the ego’s procedure this is reversed. The situation becomes the determiner of the outcome, which can be anything. The reason for this disorganized approach is evident. The ego does not know what it wants to come of the situation. It is aware of what it does not want, but only that. It has no positive goal at all.

Without a clear-cut, positive goal, set at the outset, the situation just seems to happen, and makes no sense until it has already happened. Then you look back at it, and try to piece together what it must have meant. And you will be wrong. Not only is your judgment in the past, but you have no idea what should happen. No goal was set with which to bring the means in line. And now the only judgment left to make is whether or not the ego likes it; is it acceptable, or does it call for vengeance? The absence of a criterion for outcome, set in advance, makes understanding doubtful and evaluation impossible.

The value of deciding in advance what you want to happen is simply that you will perceive the situation as a means to make it happen. You will therefore make every effort to overlook what interferes with the accomplishment of your objective, and concentrate on everything that helps you meet it. It is quite noticeable that this approach has brought you closer to the Holy Spirit’s sorting out of truth and falsity. The true becomes what can be used to meet the goal. The false becomes the useless from this point of view. The situation now has meaning, but only because the goal has made it meaningful.

I’ve heard Sinn say to ignore what doesn’t help you. Isn’t that what ACIM is saying? “You will therefore make every effort to overlook what interferes with the accomplishment of your objective.” But I’d even go a step farther and say that most things that seem like they “don’t help you” (and this goes for anything in life) can be reframed in your mind as something that helps you meet your objective.

ACIM also says:

To forgive is merely to remember only the loving thoughts you gave in the past, and those that were given you. All the rest must be forgotten. Forgiveness is a selective remembering, based not on your selection.

Ah yes, forgiveness is the ultimate form of reframing :-) So reframing looks forward (helping us fulfill our intentions) and it also looks backwards (reframing memories and helping us remember the past in a positive light).

Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is great for this, too. Once negative emotions are expressed and released using EFT, the mind often spontaneously reframes whatever issue is being addressed. It’s quite magical!

When we get in the habit of reframing, we are literally retraining the Reticular Activation System (RAS) in our brain, and we will tend to see more and more of what we want, and less and less of what we don’t want. It’s too long a discussion for this article, but this is part of why dating a lot of people is helpful. It provides a more fluid environment for the brain to start picking up new positive occurrences, whereas often in a monogamous relationship situation people’s brains get stuck in a patterned rut.

People don’t always understand why I talk about ACIM in the seduction context. As I see it, guys with really good “game” are literally creating miracles. They get results with women that seem to most people to be “impossible.” Combine that with ACIM’s win/win, abundance and happiness-oriented mindset, and it makes all the sense in the world to talk about the two things together.

About the Author:

Erika Awakening is a Harvard Law School graduate and former practicing attorney. She left the rat race to become a location-independent entrepreneur, holistic life coach, blogger, speaker, healer, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT tapping) expert. Erika Awakening is one of the world's foremost experts on eradicating limiting beliefs and lifestyle design on your own terms. Learn more about Erika Awakening

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Comments

  1. Anonymous says:

    Erika… I’d like to offer more for taking it deeper with forgiveness… seeing it all, feeling it all, considering it all and still practicing seeing the love that was there over the tragic… is freeing and interestingly enough, for me, creating considerable opportunity to choose if I would allow the person being forgiven access to be in my life again… You’ve offered a super pointer with forgiveness ala ACIM style.

    I’ve noticed more energy is available to me and so my life is continuing to unfold more as I would like, rather than attracting another person to come into my life to complete what wasn’t completed with the person I am forgiving.

    I’ve also noticed my forgiveness for that person is causing him to want to be in touch with me like crazy! What I’m working with right now is the idea that I have to be at peace with him, totally accept him as he is with no attachment to him being any different, and be able to love, respect, allow him to be just who he is, if I’m going to allow him back into my life or he will most likely default to punishment patterns with me again.

    What’s come up for me in forgiving by remembering all the love is I feel the heart and the love I was connected with and it is powerful, painful and breaking my heart free again. It creates some yearning… some longing… and the acceptance is growing somehow faster through using the ACIM process as you describe it.

    It’s anyone’s guess as to whether I will come to center and be open to connecting again… I wonder what will happen on his end… because I do know the connection between 2 people never completely disappears as long as there are feelings present… so forgiving him is creating some new openings for him as well… I’m also aware of work on Reconciliation which involves parties making new agreements, healing the old stuff and forgiveness comes as a result (towards the end) of that process… is reconciliation sexy enough for the SC?

  2. Michael says:

    We have to be careful with selective seeing and selective remembering. If we decide to avoid perceiving things, it’s just as easy for that process to land you in a one-itis or other unhealthy form of relationship like you were describing in your february 22 article. Dating many people can help one to see what it will be very hard to ignore, and to evaluate and choose wisely.

    Forgiveness is easy when you don’t see something uncomfortable. It’s much harder, and also much easier, to see everything, perceive everything, and forgive anyway.

    Forgive and forget. Not the same things.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I just checked out a few of your suggestions… Here’s what’s happening: I worked with the ACIM info on forgiveness as an act of consciously choosing to only remember the positive and loving things about someone… I have had two experiences that showed me directly how immediate the forgiveness was received on the other end by the person I most need to release/forgive/accept. While he’s expressing he’s in a positive space, very friendly and really wanting to connect with me… I’m going to give it more space and consistency before making contact because what I’m really looking for are stable results and an upleveling of equilibrium, exposing the deeper gold of true trust… with whomever I interact with, in whatever form… and also establishing my own sense of inner security! (know thy self, or something like that :)
    Jesus said to forgive someone 7 times 77 or something like that… I think what was meant is to be fully clear of the emotions, feelings, resentments first and let the other person be with that profound level of forgiveness, too… because they do feel it… they do have their own response to it… they enter, I think, into deeper truth as well…

    What do you think about that one?

    I’ve got lots to share from things you’ve mentioned that I am trying out… successes… so I look forward to sharing more soon…
    more on my own experience with inner game and NVC connection with clear intention.

    kiss!

  4. Erika says:

    hey Bobby,

    Cool. That’s what happened to me, the book was already on my shelf. The first time I tried to read it I wasn’t ready, and then some time later, a healer I know said to read it. So I picked it up … my time had come … and from there on life changed completely.

    I love Wayne Dyer. He’s the reason ACIM was on my shelf to begin with. And Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth is also a more easily accessible version of ACIM. For me at least though nothing has been as deeply transformative as ACIM. Now I barely even need to read it anymore — relevant passages just pop into my head exactly as needed. It’s wild stuff.

    I’m so happy we have connected, Bobby Rio. Hope to meet you in person one of these days.

    Love,
    Erika

  5. bobby rio says:

    Well.. you’ve inspired me… Im looking at the Course right now sitting on my book shelf… its been awhile since i’ve opened it, but maybe its about time.

    my buddy told me it took him a bunch of tries before he finally understood it and made it all the way through…

    Have you read Marianne Williamson?
    or wayne Dyer?

    I find them both to be more accesible then the course

  6. Erika says:

    hey Bobby Rio,

    Good to see you back here. I love your site, too. And I’m hearing more and more behind the scenes of top seduction guys who did the Course. That does not surprise me. It is hands down the best book I’ve ever seen for undoing the ego.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Erika, new reader here I love your blog very very insightful to get a womens view on pickup and self improvement. I have a quick question: how do you feel about a guy being too sexual? Is that an issue or is that something women look at as confident? I’m confused because I am being sexual as a screening technique to have girls show their true colors, but lately I heard “sometimes the things you say to me are a little too much” so I toned it down and told her I never meant for you to be uncomfortable ever and now we have a date Sunday! It just confused me that’s all and was wondering if you could elaborate ok this quickly because it is bound to happen again and I want to know what is going on in her head. Has this ever happened to you? Thanks Erika and love the blog!

    Ryan

  8. Anonymous says:

    It’s not that we don’t understand why you talk about ACIM in the context of seduction — it’s that we don’t understand why you quote it so fanatically. Whenever I read this blog, it reminds me of conversations I used to have with this fundamentalist Muslim when we were in school. You quote ACIM as frequently as he would quote the Koran. It’s creepy. And at times it appears you are trying to shoehorn your life experiences into ACIM concepts. It’s like everytime you have a question or problem to solve, you turn to ACIM the same way a Muslim turns to the Koran, or a fundamentalist evangelical turns to the Bible. Both of those people would tell you the answer to all of life’s problems are contained within their respective religious texts. Your frequent quotations from ACIM imply you think the same thing about ACIM. It’s just creepy.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Intentionality is what underscores the conversation about focusing on your game, forgiveness and reframing. I’d like to personally experience EFT… traumas are hanging out in my body. The lemonaide of it all is that as I am allowing my real feeling to surface in an environment of safety, in an environment without any pressures, the power that is available to me on the other side of the tears and the rage is being channeled directly into what matters most to me, where I am able to serve.

    I don’t like the conclusion, “this is why dating a lot of people is helpful”, and I recognize that this can be helpful and it has it’s limits and draw backs… ideally, mates are big enough in their commitment to stay in constant fluid evolution for themselves as well as with one another. The thing I’ve noticed is that there is a turning point as an individual where dating a lot of people moves into integration which then moves into refining one’s purpose… Purpose might be served with a continued lifestyle of dating more than one person or it might better be served by the depth of commitment and union of committed partnership… Can you imagine Barack Obama today if he was dating 5 – 20 different women? Serving purpose defines a lot.

    As far as creating miracles goes, I’ve had that experience with a skilled seducer of spirit who also was a great lover… and it changed my life, saved me from suicide and transported me to other worlds. People who I’ve never slept with have been the miracle makers in my life too. I’d just like to be inclusive and authentic about miracles… I’ve also had miracle workers in my life who could not see through the illusion of the relationship rut who catalyzed a lot of trauma … the first part of your writing about ACIM speaks directly to what underscored the unfortunate misunderstandings.

    My 61 year old sister told me last night that it took her 5 years before she finally trusted her husband, who she’s been married to for 35 years… Are we responding to relationship/interrelatedness now based on the speed of life or to what authentic human beings need for love to flourish?

    Last thing, I promise: When we begin in mass to know how to respectfully and by agreement only deal and heal human trauma (pain bodies) the world will know love as never before.

    BTW: I’m sincere about trying the EFT… and I’d love to hear more about your experiences with Forgiveness.

    Thanks!

  10. Bobby Rio says:

    Wow.. mixing the course in miracles and pickup and seduction.. lol

    but you know what, I’ve got a friend who made it all the way through the course and he has the most rock solid inner game i’ve ever seen.

    I unforunately, make it through 30 days here and there… but can’t seem to stay on track.

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